What the hell are you trying to say?!?

My friends and I talk a lot. Usually about a little of everything, yet nothing in particular. Jokes fly, but they usually fall into abstracts and obscure references. Jokes often are simply shocking statements or general gripes about life, work, politics and sex. One particular reference that was passed around quite a bit between Crasskins and I consisted of the word articulate. The joke would go like this... “Yeah, I really think she’s cool but she’s not real good at putting her ideas together in a way that can be expressed verbally.” I would say. Crasskins would reply, “You mean articulate.” Ha ha ha, we would both laugh. Very funny indeed. Yeah, we’re so fucking clever. Using vocabulary as jokes and laughing (while others look at us strangely) thinking what stupid ignorant fucks everyone else is. Ha ha ha, we would laugh some more.

When I’m bored and I don’t feel like writing or reading anything heavy, sometimes I read a dictionary (hey, Christians read their bible, at least this way I learn something) and during one of my recent boredom sessions I came across the word articulate. Reading the definition I was surprised and embarrassed at what I found. Articulate simply means to speak. To use clear distinct words and syllables or having the ability to speak. Articulate has to do with the mechanics of speech and not the less tangible aspects of forming ideas and thoughts into a series of words to express ones self.

Further research uncovered the word coherent. Coherent is a much better (yet underused) word that means logical and consistent speech or the ability to speak clearly and logically while holding together to form a whole. Coherent deals with the abstract mechanics of turning thought into speech. While it can be argued that one is a synonym of the other and that they can be interchangeable (and that whole, language continually evolves, argument). The point I’m trying to illustrate is that sometimes when you think you’re so fucking clever, you are just as ignorant as everyone else. Strong men also cry, Mr. Lebowski, strong men also cry.
Whether articulating in a coherent fashion or not, conversation is one of the primary ways in which humans communicate. Even before we get down to hot monkey love, conversation usually precedes it on some level. Sitting around a bar stool, killing time at work or just plain old internet chatting, it’s all conversation. Hell, the cell phone industry has thrived on it. No matter how often you articulate to your fellow human try to be coherent in expressing what you mean. It helps to have a strong grasp on vocabulary, also.

Meanwhile...

While being stuck in the middle of writing other blogs (in a very Charlie Kaufman kind of way [the insanity of writers block, not the genius, or lack thereof]) I’ve decided to write, yet another, pointless blog (yes, ok, but more pointless than the other “point” blogs. Okay?) Also, I still have the whole, weird sleep pattern, thing going on. I’ll also pepper the blog with interesting photos to show how cool the internet can be. It does take a long time to check all of those damn tubes though!

First off: I voted today! Always a good thing. Hopefully my votes will eventually count for something and I won’t have to resort to taking my country back.

In the meantime... I concocted a plan (Admittedly it was Crasskins gal-pal that initially made the suggestion [yeah, he’s hetero, who’da guessed]) to begin writing letters to various people within government (both state and federal) urging them to make choices for the betterment of us all and not the betterment of already rich pocketbooks. True, this plan was concocted after watching Who Killed the Electric Car? but hey, better late than never. By Crasskins’s own admission, it can’t make things worse. More details on this once I’ve fleshed it out a bit.

Interesting tidbit... I did note on the Republican side for Nevada U.S. State Senate, John Ensigns’s (I would have loved for him to have lost) only competition was none other than Edward ‘Fast Eddie’ Hamilton. ‘Fast Eddie’? Is that a joke? Even if this guy literally is the best thing since sliced bread, his nickname of ‘Fast Eddie’ would have done him in. Didn’t anyone tell him the nickname ‘Fast Eddie’ is reserved for pool-sharks and other nefarious hustlers? Regardless of most politicians and ALL Republicans being nefarious, they don’t actually advertise it. John Ensign may have laughed his way to another term.

Second: Go to Google right now and type in failure then click the "I’m feeling lucky button". It’s well worth the few seconds it will take. Spread this one around, would ya?

Third: Typing of Charlie Kaufman, Adaptation was far weaker than both Being John Malkovich and Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind. Adaptation was clever in that it made fun of itself for resorting to screenplay formula to finish itself, but only clever.

Lastly: This image of Bush and Cheney actually is very insulting to the gay community, sorry. It’s a great photo though.

P.S. Oh yeah, here are a couple more photos of hot chicks (y’know, just to convince you that I am NOT gay)...

Bi-lingual Canada

Some interesting perspectives from interviews on the street in canada...

Melabanebdem ib ne laba

Changing shifts at work really sucks. I can’t sleep right, and I want to lie down all the fucking time. In an effort to fight that (y’know, so that my body will adopt a sleep pattern based off of the times I set for it) I’ve been surfing the internet more that usual. Yeah, I know, you’re thinking, “Santa Vaca! Adam, don't just zone out, keep writing and shit.” Except when I ‘m zoned out (like right now), writing anything meaningful is like explaining the philosophy of our founding fathers to a bunch of authoritarian right-wing neo republicans, in a way that they understand. It’s not gonna happen. So I was perusing T-Shirt Hell.com and I forgot how funny some of their stuff is. Because my sleep is kind of out of whack, I am writing a pointless blog and identifying some of my personal favorites...

Shittles Taste the Asshole!

Rape is no laughing matter. Unless you’re raping a clown.

East Coast Lawn Mowers

Yes, I have plenty of change you homeless piece of shit. Thanks for asking.

You can’t have manslaughter without laughter.

I’d rather be fighting the man.

Go! Local sports team and/or college

I beat cancer! (by cancer I mean children)

How dare I wear this goddamned shirt in front of your fucking kids

Born Against Christian

You Discussed Me

You make my penis soft


I thought I would round this blog up with a few images of really hot chicks...

Dirty Little Secrets! Vol. 1

Here’s the first in a short blog series I have wanted to start for a while. It’s also a good excuse to get away from the whole Zombie! thing (I have a separate blog for that).

Dirty Little Secrets! Vol. 1

Big Mac and a Large Fires...
Maybe it’s a childhood thing? Maybe it’s an addictive additive that McDonald’s puts in every bite? Maybe it’s just good? Whatever you call it, I have a secret love affair with a Big Mac and Fries. With the exceptions of a few dirty little secrets, I actually eat pretty damn well (y’know; tofu, lean meat, greens, unprocessed foods, relatively small portions) but once a month or so, I get a full blown Big MacAttack! (If you remember that sales pitch from the ‘80’s) Despite that damn Spurlock movie, I gotta have one sometimes and once a month is the compromise. I don’t have the soda (or any soda for that matter, I quit soda all together about two years ago) so I get some points there. As I sit here and write, it’s fair for you to know that as soon as this blog is posted, I’m out the door for my monthly visit to Mickey D’s! Hey, just because I’m divorced from a fast food lifestyle doesn’t mean I don’t get visitation now and again.

New Blog!

All things Zombies! First blog, a general identification guide based on some of the more common types in movies and fiction. Check it out...

The Dead Walk!

If you go outside to get the morning paper and this is the headline; it’s too late to make a plan. You’re fucked. But in the interest of repopulating (or at least the act of) I’m here to present a rough outline of what you should do, in case of a world wide zombie outbreak.

Admittedly, this post began as a challenge from Tenacious J, to discuss the strategic strengths of holing up inside a Las Vegas Resort Casino during a World Wide Zombie Outbreak. When exploring that question I quickly realized what a short and meaningless blog that would be. So I lumped it in with other places and simple tactics for survival to create an even longer meaningless blog...

Resort Casino Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Don’t!

You might think, “Hmm, this place has rooms to live, it has food, water and even entertainment.” And all of this would be true. But, these places are also designed for ease of access. The truth is real zombies (commonly called tourists) populate these structures everyday and all day. With all of the doors, halls, offices, cubby holes, dead ends, cat-walks, meandering casino floor, fire escapes and other hidey holes these places would be a death trap (because cinema teaches us that zombies love to hide and wait for a passer-by). If you were lucky enough to secure one, cleaning it out would take years. Not to mention that if you work in one of these places, you realize how depressing they can be.

“But, Adam, I could just hide up in a suite and watch the carnage from afar.” You say defiantly. Ok, what if that carnage lasts for more than a couple of days? Or weeks? What are you going to do about food? How will you know if the water is not contaminated or even if pressure is maintained? What about a clean set of sheets after all of those attempts at repopulating?


Prison Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Prison, initially seem like a fantastic idea! They have food, water, high walls and/or fences, kitchens, rooms, weapons, workshops, a huge yard (for future farming). Wow, it’s like heaven.

Well, ok, but what about the nasty element that already live there? If they aren’t all infested with zombies already. Not to mention, prisons aren’t built for their aesthetic qualities. These places would be depressing because they would remind you (a few of the last remaining humans) that you are being held prisoner by the billions of zombies out there.

Admittedly, though, Alcatraz might be a great spot due to it’s defensibility and view!

Shopping Mall Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Uh, if cinema teaches us anything, it’s that everyone will want a mall and everyone will think it’s the best place to go (even the zombies). STAY AWAY!

High School Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Now we’re talking...

Built like a prison but more aesthetically pleasing (complete with kitchens, workshops, yards, etc.) All you have to do is go on a few hunting and foraging runs and potentially you could set up shop for years! (I never said their wasn’t any risk)

Also, you don’t have to worry about anyone wanting to take it from you because everyone hated high school and no one wants to go back (not even the zombies).

“But, Adam! It doesn’t have those high fences and walls like the prison!”

It’s ok, cinema teaches us that zombies can’t climb very well, especially chain link fences.

On to basic tactics...

When zombie hoards are anything but, just walk around them.

When things start to get a bit more congested, it seems to me that the best tactic is to stick and move, as illustrated here by Simon Pegg.

As the plot (and hence the undead population) thicken. You had better find your place and fast. Cinema again teaches us that the more time goes by, the greater the size of the undead horde.

Have a plan and execute that plan. Stay alive and when not fighting undead, copulate furiously and habitually.

To wrap all this up, here is a photo of a real, honest to goodness zombie. No, really.

Lies and Truth

Lies to show the truth...


Lies to hide the truth...

Remember, remember the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot;
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.