The Dead Walk!

If you go outside to get the morning paper and this is the headline; it’s too late to make a plan. You’re fucked. But in the interest of repopulating (or at least the act of) I’m here to present a rough outline of what you should do, in case of a world wide zombie outbreak.

Admittedly, this post began as a challenge from Tenacious J, to discuss the strategic strengths of holing up inside a Las Vegas Resort Casino during a World Wide Zombie Outbreak. When exploring that question I quickly realized what a short and meaningless blog that would be. So I lumped it in with other places and simple tactics for survival to create an even longer meaningless blog...

Resort Casino Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Don’t!

You might think, “Hmm, this place has rooms to live, it has food, water and even entertainment.” And all of this would be true. But, these places are also designed for ease of access. The truth is real zombies (commonly called tourists) populate these structures everyday and all day. With all of the doors, halls, offices, cubby holes, dead ends, cat-walks, meandering casino floor, fire escapes and other hidey holes these places would be a death trap (because cinema teaches us that zombies love to hide and wait for a passer-by). If you were lucky enough to secure one, cleaning it out would take years. Not to mention that if you work in one of these places, you realize how depressing they can be.

“But, Adam, I could just hide up in a suite and watch the carnage from afar.” You say defiantly. Ok, what if that carnage lasts for more than a couple of days? Or weeks? What are you going to do about food? How will you know if the water is not contaminated or even if pressure is maintained? What about a clean set of sheets after all of those attempts at repopulating?


Prison Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Prison, initially seem like a fantastic idea! They have food, water, high walls and/or fences, kitchens, rooms, weapons, workshops, a huge yard (for future farming). Wow, it’s like heaven.

Well, ok, but what about the nasty element that already live there? If they aren’t all infested with zombies already. Not to mention, prisons aren’t built for their aesthetic qualities. These places would be depressing because they would remind you (a few of the last remaining humans) that you are being held prisoner by the billions of zombies out there.

Admittedly, though, Alcatraz might be a great spot due to it’s defensibility and view!

Shopping Mall Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Uh, if cinema teaches us anything, it’s that everyone will want a mall and everyone will think it’s the best place to go (even the zombies). STAY AWAY!

High School Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Now we’re talking...

Built like a prison but more aesthetically pleasing (complete with kitchens, workshops, yards, etc.) All you have to do is go on a few hunting and foraging runs and potentially you could set up shop for years! (I never said their wasn’t any risk)

Also, you don’t have to worry about anyone wanting to take it from you because everyone hated high school and no one wants to go back (not even the zombies).

“But, Adam! It doesn’t have those high fences and walls like the prison!”

It’s ok, cinema teaches us that zombies can’t climb very well, especially chain link fences.

On to basic tactics...

When zombie hoards are anything but, just walk around them.

When things start to get a bit more congested, it seems to me that the best tactic is to stick and move, as illustrated here by Simon Pegg.

As the plot (and hence the undead population) thicken. You had better find your place and fast. Cinema again teaches us that the more time goes by, the greater the size of the undead horde.

Have a plan and execute that plan. Stay alive and when not fighting undead, copulate furiously and habitually.

To wrap all this up, here is a photo of a real, honest to goodness zombie. No, really.