Dark musings...

I fall into a maelstrom of rage. Anger frustration and bitterness fill my being. Every victory is taken away, even the little ones. Everyday grows dimmer, the darkness encroaching upon me. Nothing works right, nothing is sure. My soul is falling through an endless void. I fail myself at every turn. Infantile anger is all I know as nothing works and everything seems against me. I am unable to take pleasure even in small little things. No happiness is found and truth slips away. What I think I know seems to be wrong as a mirror image twisted, as if in a funhouse. I never laugh anymore, I never cry anymore. Is there nothing for me? I don’t know where to go and I don’t know how to start, the road is lost to me. I am alone in a dark desert and I can’t find my way, no moon nor stars to help. Friends care but even they appear as mannequins trapped behind plate glass windows inside an empty store. Frozen with their concerned smiles I don’t know how to reach to them. The way is shut, the path grows dark and I can not pass. Every day I feel myself slip a little more, unwilling to create the fantasy that most use to remain afloat. I have no home, I have no heart, my soul is lost. When does this end? I can’t find my way but who can help? When does this end? The emptiness is inside me, except for the rage. Why have I been left like this, is it my own doing? How do I fix it? I don’t like the manual everyone else is using, they blindfold themselves for a days contentment. That’s not for me, but it seems nothing is. I am an anachronism and a misanthrope. I will die off because Darwin was right. When does this end? Is there nothing for me?