Coiled Spring

Warning: This is one of those self indulgent, pompous blogs that explores me and what I was feeling today. Today was a weird day. I felt anxious, real anxious. I couldn’t settle my mind down enough to write or even doodle at work. This strange anxious mood coupled with an unfocused sense of aggression and, oddly, enthusiasm, made me about as skittish as a cat trying to bury a turd on a marble floor. I couldn’t calm down to save my life. Physically, mentally or emotionally. The anticipation of starting a new job in a couple of weeks for (as far as I know and can tell) a great company in a position with a greater challenge coupled with the idea of missing my friends and working out again, seems like it sort of caught up with me. All day, I really didn’t even have much to say I just wanted to be close to my friends at work. Seriously, I would just sort of stand and stare. I walked into work with one friend and I was just staring at her and grinning which provoked a "What?" with a quizzical look on her face. I just giggled and said, "Nothing." in a weird lilting way. This scene soon replayed with my friend Bruce, then Karl, then Darby O’Gill. Darby O’Gill even said, "Ah, do you need a hug?" I laughed even louder. I guess I want to be close to these people because soon I won’t be able to. I want to soak it all in and not miss a moment. But it didn’t help this gnawing anxiousness. Despite this feeling, it never got out of control because I never felt this aggression toward anyone, just in general. It actually continued to build throughout the day and it got to the point where I began to bounce on the balls of my feet. It was unsettling but also felt great because I felt like my old, old self of about twenty years ago. Young, in great shape with boundless energy and enthusiasm. When I got to the gym I worked out probably much harder than I should have and ran so fast that my heart almost blew a gasket. Even then I felt like I could go farther and I did for a while. Oddly, even now, I don’t feel worn out, only like the edge is dulled. I still feel like earlier but a bit calmer. What the fuck? If I was drinking with Karl would that help? Or would that unfocused aggression manifest itself in negative ways? Ah hell, I’m not even sure what I’m talking about. Maybe I just need to masturbate more.