...is in the details.

Did we do everything that we could? Could we have tried harder? Were we patient enough? Could we have done more? Were we too patient? Does it matter? Does it ever? All of these questions, yet, we will never get definitive answers. Should we even get all of the answers? What good would it really do? Even if we get all of the answers we were looking for, they would be too complex and we would probably be left with more questions. Is life an answer, or a question? Regardless of what aspect of life we’re talking about, it all applies. Fernand Mondego was right; sometimes we’re kings and sometimes we’re pawns. The only answers we do get will have to be enough because that’s all any of us ever know. But maybe that’s the problem, or the point, we will never be satisfied with the answers, no matter what they may be. When we focus on the questions and the answers, we forget about what we got into things for in the first place. When all of the questions fade and the answers are forgotten, the only things we remember are the moments. Good or bad, that’s the part that burns itself into our minds and stays with us for years. About fifteen years ago I lived in Europe and do you know what I remember? Riding the train into Heidelberg, walking across the countryside as the sun rose while my breath became a fog out in front of my face, driving into Paris on a Sunday afternoon, the view from my sixth floor apartment, dinner and beer at the local guest house, riding my mountain bike through the nature preserve/park behind the town I lived in, and on and on. Emotional impressions and feelings, moments trapped within my mind and most of them are good. When I considered remarrying about seven years ago, I know neither of us were mature enough to handle the forces that pulled us apart, but I don’t remember many specific details to quantify that. I do remember many good moments; her scent, her hair (I loved her hair), when she titled her head and did the motorboat while looking in the mirror, how beautiful she looked even when she woke up in the morning, kicking her ass in Jeopardy, the feel of laying next to her, her smile, her coy look when she asked something she knew would embarrass me, and on and on. Despite the moments I do remember, I also know that I should have made many more good moments to remember (oh yeah, the whole immature thing). But I didn’t, I got bogged down in the details (and to some extent, so did she). So, you may be asking, “Yeah, whatever dude, are you just remorseful or does all of this have a point?” Well, “IT IS YOU THAT DOES NOT KNOW!” Oh, wait, sorry. Yes! It does have a point. Cherish the moments that you get, no matter what is going on around you. Try your best (don’t try too hard, though) and just enjoy the things that happen, assuming they’re good. Although this is one of those fortune cookie things that we’ve all heard and you may be thinking, “Yeah, I know all of this already, dumb ass.” It has been a hard lesson for me and I thought I’d write about it. I guess it’s just one of those things that you have to figure out for yourself.