A Long Day or How I Shucked the Responsibilities My Bosses Placed In Me And Fucked Off With Karl Bakla All Day!

The day started like any other, up at 3am, shit, shower, shave and make my way to the coffee house I work at (y’know, Seattle’s Best Coffee). During my four and a half hours serving coffee my mind was filled with thoughts of all the crazy shit that’s been going on in my life lately (actually it’s always filled with thoughts, I wish I could just not think for a while, it would be helpful, too bad I don’t use anything stronger than aspirin or alcohol). I left Seattle’s Best and arrived at the Stardust thinking it would be a day like any other (y’know, more thinking about everything that’s going in the whole wide world). Then I noticed my partner for the day was none other than Karl Bakla! Hell Ya! Fast forward to 5:40pm, I was leaving the Stardust, walking out with my Backdoor Breaker Inners T-shirt on, the June issue of The Inner Swine in one hand and a stack of Haiku’s in the other (more on these later) and a completely “Fuck it all!” attitude. I realized I’ve just had one hell of a great fucking day! I was feeling pretty goddamned punk rock and I’m not even sure what that means. Despite every little detail that should drag my soul into a black hell, I’m in a great fucking mood! Why? You ask. Well, I’ll fucking tell you. After a busy first half hour or so, Karl and I had a moment (no, not a Chasing Amy moment, okay, well maybe) and he asked for clarification on what a Haiku is. Once I told him, Karl lifted his arms and fists above his head and screamed, “Haiku Battle!” Yeah, that’s all it took. For the next seven hours we proceeded to have a Haiku fight (and worked a little, I guess). He wrote one and then I, back and forth. It made the day fun and I even stopped thinking about all of the other stuff for a while. Here is an account of that seven hour battle.

“Cry Havoc! And Let Slip The Haiku’s of War!”

Karl: Long Form Haiku (5-7-5-7-7)

Rub it on my face
Satan’s hell stink on my flesh
Show love for satan
Who are you to judge my love
For heavy metal music (Kind of funny words from an atheist)

Adam:

So I think you stink
Your fragrance is quiet unique
It burns in my nose
And it really curls my toes
So take a bath you ingrate

Karl:

Drive your damn Hummer
You disgusting piece of shit
You make me wanna puke (He fucked up, this one isn’t a Haiku and I rejected it and stole the initiative!)

Adam: Short form Haiku (5-7-5)

He is a shadow
Mitchell Marr has sold his soul
To the company

Karl:

You are so ugly
Test positive for VD
I really hate you

Adam:

How well do I suck
Customer cock in my throat
You do it better

Karl:

Fisted in the ass
Oh suffering succotash
How ‘bout my ass

Adam:

Your poems are so weak
If you would go eat some steak
Your brain would work right

Actual photo of Adam LaVey

Karl: (who proclaimed that now it was really on)

Mister down syndrome
You have inverted penis (I wanna know who told him!)
Gay like John Waters

Adam:

You know how to twist
When you sit on my penis
Too bad I have crabs

Karl:

You ate Cragma out (an old masculine lady we work with)
Can’t suck my dick don’t pout
Another’s in your mouth

Karl: (Stole back the initiative)

To bad you have AIDS
Yeah hurrah! You will die soon
Rock Hudson lover

Adam:

Your words are so gay
And they suck really bad too
Yes literally

Karl:

Sucked off Elton John (True)
Liberace’ sucked your dick
Test yourself for AIDS

Adam:

You like brown eye stink
When pooters give you a wink
You drool and you faint

Karl:

Bend over and spell run
Launch your wiener in my ass
No not slow but fast

Adam:

When good fags go bad
Vaginas are to be had
But you stick with fist

Karl:

Stupid dick for nose
Your penis is inverted (again?)
Your butthole is gay

Adam:

My words from my cache
Continue to kick your ass
Just give up dumb ass

Karl:

Sniffing the panties
Going through my dirty clothes
This is my fetish

Adam:

While working the floor
I’ve been covering your calls
Get to work butt head

Karl:

Take off your clothes now
Slurping cum is not homo
Free your mind explore

Adam:

Go twist on the fist
You’re a greasy pork sandwich
You hairy monkey

Karl:

You are a Gypsy (also true)
Nomadic charlatan trick
Kill with Zyclom-B

Actual Photo of Karl Bakla

Adam:

You know you are gay
With make-up like Tammy Faye
And Rod Stewart says “Hey!”

Karl:

Crasskins and Adam
Were caught fucking each other
They are now lovers

Adam:

Just ‘cause your mother
Is ashamed of her lover
She does not need to lie

Karl:

I really hate work
I would rather fuck Adam
Adam is sexy

Adam:

Buttfucking with Karl
While raw and painful
Can’t be worse than work
It won’t last nearly as long
Plus he’ll pay six hundred bucks

Yes, stupid, silly and inane. I guess sometimes meaningless things can be fun. I know it sure made my day a whole helluva lot better! Almost as good as this photo of Kung Fu Jesus. I don’t even care if one of us won the battle. The whole thing is nostalgic and it was a blast.