Random Thoughts... The Right One or A Nice Man / One Good Woman

Ah love! All sorts of people do all sorts of things for it. Sacrifice themselves, sacrifice others, go to the ends of the earth, murder and even overthrow countries (or at least they used to, now they do it for power and money) all for a promise of love. On a less grand scale, people everyday try to find love. Not just any love but true love. Dating website abound (heh-hem at least so I’m told), friends try to set each other up and even parents introduce children to friends children. If we aren’t looking for us, we’re looking for someone else. Here in this culture, we sometimes find love many times. When it doesn’t work out we feel despondent and heart-broken afterwards thinking that maybe they weren’t the one. Men bitch that they just need to find “one good woman” and woman complain that they just need to find “a nice man”. I myself have found four good women. “Four? Adam are you kidding, four!? Are you fucking retarded, why didn’t you just keep the first one?” Fair question, but I’m not here to talk about my own failed relationships, at least not in any detail (I’ll save that for another blog). If you believe that fate is set then obviously at least three of them were not the “right one”. If it’s a compatibility issue then at least two were not the “right one”. Potentially, none of them could be the “right one” nor anyone else for that matter. Is the idea of the “right one” just some stupid romantic fantasy that all people cling to? Why are you asking me? I just so much as stated that I have failed in relationships with “good” women. What? Oh, right, you’re reading this blog because you think I have some insight on the matter. Well, no, not really and yes I do have my own warped idea about all of it...

It started when my girlfriend (even though we don’t get to see each other much between multiple jobs and multiple children [not with each other] it is far easier to use the familiar “girlfriend” moniker then always typing “the lady that I am dating”.) was telling me of a co-worker that made some comment regarding “meeting nice men”. This triggered something in my subconscious and I thought about the whole “right one” idea and as it applied to my girlfriend (herself "I believe" being one of the aforementioned “good women”) and her co-worker (whom we will call Tamy-Sue). Since we all work at the same Las Vegas resort (y’know, the Stardust) I know Tamy-Sue a little. She has never appealed to me as “the right one” nor a “good woman”. Actually, she always seemed a bit twitchy to me. This led me to think of my past relationships (No, not all of them, but rather the ones where one of us was clearly not very “nice” or “good”). You see, about two years ago I was in a relationship. It wasn’t particularly serious (at least not to me) but ultimately I was not a very nice guy. Not because I was mean, per se, but because I didn’t want anything more out of what we had. It was casual, it was fun (mostly) and it was risk free. The truth was, she never had been married and had never had children (two things I had already done) and even though she said she was okay with that (probably for my sake) she wasn’t and she eventually wanted more. The end, because, ultimately, I didn’t love her, I just loved the situation. It was unfair to her, though (Yes, you may call me an insensitive prick, now). I can say that this is the height of my “prick”ness outside of high school. I’ve also dated a few “damaged” women. One broke up with me and proceeded to play two weeks of “I’m pregnant and I’m going to get an abortion” games with me. That was one ugly scene. Another, led me to believe that I was her “savior” of sorts, only to screw some guy (or so I’m told) in the men’s restroom of a PT’s Pub while we both attended a party there (of course I let myself get caught up with her leading up to this, even though better judgment said otherwise and lost). That one ended that day but hurt for a few months after, mostly because of the indignity of the whole restroom thing (and other details I’ll leave out). Another came on to me full force after calling one day looking for my newly separated soon to be ex-wife, only to find her not there. Yeah that one was weird and, regrettably, neither of us were very “good” or “nice” but at least it was mutual.

Some people may never figure it out but each attempt is what you make of it. Some people will never get “it”, others get lucky and live a long and mostly happy life with their high-school sweetheart. Others will continue to struggle, improve and grow and (hopefully) find someone that helps them become better people (and visa versa). Others will simply find that special someone that “puts up with their shit”. Sometimes it’s a combo, deal. Anyway that works, more power to them! I know I’m a “nice guy” but I haven’t always been one and I can still be a prick when the situation arises or sometimes when it doesn’t arise. For me it’s age, maturity, experience and understanding the kind of man I want to be. I’m not always successful at first but I eventually get it right (just give me about 15 minutes to realize I’m being insensitive, longer if I’ve been drinking). I’m willing to bet that even Tamy-Sue has probably met a few “nice men” but fucked them up on some level. Talking with my girlfriend about this blog, she added her own reflections, “Maybe we’re just all assholes.” To which I replied, “Yeah, all we have to do is find two assholes that match up.” This led to a dumb round peg, round hole joke that seemed like it would be funny to add to this blog (although not so much now). The only point I’m trying to make is that most people fuck things up all by themselves without any help, whether by design or by accident and, ultimately, only have themselves to blame (yeah, I know, I guess I’ve been on an existentialism kick lately).