Adam LaVey

Hollywood Mandates...

2012-01-17T08:17:00.001-08:00

In this age of sequels and remakes (the vast majority of which suck) I think it is only fair for us, the movie going public (which I understand is way down) to be entertained on some level beyond the film itself. So, all Hollywood titles should be mandated to make the following changes/adjustments for us, the moviegoer. Also, the movie posters should be become more abstract and suggestive (see image for example). Even older movies, ala Lucas style:

First movie in a series? This one is safe and open to any title they like UNLESS it is a remake and then must have THE MOVIE, THE MOTION PICTURE or BRAM STOKER'S (whether he wrote it or not as long as the film is based from a book) following the title to differentiate from the original.

Example: Bram Stoker's Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Movie (American Re-Make), Bram Stoker's Let Me In, The Motion Picture (The fact that the second film is ACTUALLY a vampire film is purely coincidental).

First sequel (i.e. second in series), regardless of title must have ELECTRIC BOOGALOO immediately after the 2.

Example: Jaws II: Electric Boogaloo or the even more labored: Bram Stoker's Girl with the Dragon Tattoo 2: Electric Boogaloo with Fire!

Trilogy title rule: Must have Revenge of the or Return of the (or variation therein) somewhere in the title.

Examples: Revenge of the Jaws, Piranha 3: The Revenge, Star Trek III: Spock's Revenge! or Return of the Jedi are all good examples.

A fourth film? Must have Search, Voyage, Mystery or Journey into must be in the title.

Examples: Star Trek IV, Journey into Spock's Mind, Jaws IV: Mystery of Why it was Made or Breakin' 4: Electric Voyage.

The fifth film? Okay, this one is easy. Must have ONE word immediately following the title that begins with "R" but NOT Revenge.

Examples: Alien Resurrection, Star Wars: Redacted!, Halloween 6: Retrograde, Twilight 5: Really? or Predator: Recompensator!

A sixth film. You may be thinking, "C'mon, no producer is THAT crazy or incompetent?" But I would point out Friday the Thirteenth, Star Trek or James Bond as only a few popular examples. Guidelines: At this point I think it is safe to say the title may return to a simpler time by actually using a variation of its original title, edited down to just the important bits or simply a numeral immediately following the original title.

Examples: Dragon Tattoo, Trek!, Thirteenth, Hllwn or Alien 6.

Seventh film in series: Simple, must be a "versus" film and only a "versus" film.

Examples: Freddy vs. Jason, Godzilla vs. Megalon, Jaws VII, Air Jaws vs. Dagon, Darth Vader vs. Unidentified Teenage Jedi Who Would Have Likely Kicked his Butt or Depp vs. Burton.

Eighth and further sequels? Must have increasingly goofier and longer titles which summarize the plot and make us simultaneously chuckle despite seeing the other seven or more titles and may use any element (but must be more than one) from the other rules.

Examples: Jaws VIII, Air Jaws vs. Barracuda Man 2: Electric Boogaloo the Revenge!, Friday the Thirteenth Part 23: Freddy get's a Colonoscopy from his new Doctor: Jason!, James Bond and the Spy Who Sleeps with Him and Gives Him Golden Eye. and finally The Wachowski Brothers' Star Wars 9: Lucas Reveals that Everything is Actually Part of the Matrix and Launches a New Toy Line.

What in God's Name happened to all the Atheists?

2011-12-14T18:08:00.000-08:00

I liked atheists better when they were better Christians than the Christians. More and more I am exposed to various asshole atheists going out of there way to make it a point to what essentially boils down to hating on others. Damn you Richard Dawkins for making a religion out of anti-religion! One lesson to be learned by all of this? That the codification and dogmatic adherence to ANY idea (which in turn makes it a form of reality) is actually the ROOT of all evil! Gasp! Could Kevin Smith have been right? Although this is merely one example; I used to enjoy the Flying Spaghetti Monster home website. It was funny and thoughtful, then I read a reply to a Christian letter by the man who either runs or moderates the site (I wish I could find the link but I am too lazy to dig it up as it was some time ago). The man spouted nothing but hate, not just at the idea of Christianity but at the individual and he went on to expound how FSM is ALSO a religion! (Or so I remember) So, no more satirizing or tongue in cheek ribbing of religion, it is apparently on like Donkey Kong in that guy's mind. It saddens me, as an Agnostic and very serious fan of Jesus' words (as well as Buddha, Confucius, Lao Tzu and a few others) and not the bullshit religious practices that came later, that pain and frustration has indeed turned to anger and hate (Man, Lucas was on to something even if he took a dump on it later on in his career). I know I am not always in adherence to my own belief system (as no one is) hell, just recently I got into it with a friend because I was hurt and frustrated, I regretted it and hold nothing against him (although he apparently values our friendship much less) but it didn't give me the right, nor anyone the right to base any kind of structured and sustained hate against anyone else! Now I know it is likely a type of backlash and the assholes are always louder than majority so I am sure many good atheists still exist. So I hope all these other asshole atheists that have began to "jump on the bandwagon" and hating back, realize that it is never okay to base their own actions on the actions of others and remember why it is most of them turned away from organized religion in the first place and go back to being some of the kindest and most decent people on the planet. Or we may end up like that episode of South Park.

Voices in the Wind

2011-11-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been pursuing my passions as a new career. ‘So what?’ right. In this economy with so many people out of work, everybody is trying to write a book, start a band, take up a hobby for money, etc. It is true; one aspect of the down economy that has been thriving is hobby/craft, music and comic book stores. Just ask the owners, they will tell you. So no doubt I am one of many. When I began, I was alone in my efforts. Lost in the scrabble for some sense of justification and certainly my voice didn’t amount to much among the din of so many other voices. But, I reached out, asked another to join me, an old friend, although we had our differences in the past, with which we had always been creatively stronger together than apart. Together we both reached out, found another, then another and we were rolling. Our collective voices became louder and the wind suddenly didn’t seem so fierce. We labored and worked and produced. While not necessarily professional quality, it was good and it was always getting better. We were (and are) building toward working for and with our collective life-long passions. Yesterday, although I don’t think we consciously realized it at the time, was our first big test (if not for the others, certainly for me). Not necessarily creatively but certainly emotionally. We, as a group, were exhibitors at the Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival, showing off our stuff, meeting people and generally trying to generate interest in what we have produced and what our philosophy is. What I have to say about the experiences there are, of course, mine alone. My friends and partners, no doubt, had their own perspectives. Early in the day, after meeting many of the other exhibitors and finding out what everyone is about as they in turn learned what we are about, I couldn’t help but think, “Crap, here we are again, yelling into a storm so loud it threatens to swallow us. So many others are trying to do what we are doing, how will we ever stand out?” While I was thinking about that many of the others asked us a very direct and interesting question, “You guys are a group of writers, artists and colorists all working together for free? How the hell did you do that?” I began to realize that we were doing something different. The day continued on and I met a professional artist duo. This gentlemen and gentle-lady are so prolific yet relatively unknown (to the public, anyway) that if I were to ask you if you had read (or even have seen the cover) a random comic in the last ten years or even any comic-style children’s book in the last three years than you have likely seen his work. I own their book and read it (and am currently working through their program) and they, in the introduction, outlined their personal and professional philosophy. Admittedly, while talking to him, I wanted to test this. See if, in person, he and his wife were the type of people they claimed to be in the book. The answer is yes! Very much so! In fact, they both made it a point to converse with me. Even more interestingly, he asked about what we are doing, what we had done so far, how we operated, our overall philosophy, etc. There are no secrets here, I wasn’t divulging anything new or unique, I was simply explaining that we are like-minded artists working together collaboratively with the intention of always improving and getting better which will lead us to working professionally in the industry. He said something then that really surprised me. He said, “Wow, you guys get it. You will be fine.” Now, I am not so naïve to think all will be rosy because a professional said I am good to go. I realize my own path (and that of our group) in this field is still long and a great deal of hard work is in front of me (us). Some luck and timing is still (and always) involved, as is the desire and planning to create that timing and luck. But I will definitely take that endorsement and run with it. As the day went on and we met other professionals, the news just got better. One anecdote I must share is my artist friend took his portfolio with what we are working on together, to another prolific/professional pencil artist (had worked with the likes of Jack Kirby, Stan Lee and many others). This guy complemented my friend’s storytelling and characterizations and then went on to give an honest critique on other aspects of his art. He was honest but always encouraging and this artist seemed to genuinely like my friend and his art. Later we talked to yet another professional who is our friend, now owns a comic shop and has never been one to shy away from sharing his opinion. We told him about my artist friend’s portfolio review from said artist and our friend says, “That guy? Wow, are you okay, that guy is a ball buster. He is known for ripping people up constantly.” Our friend said this in all sincerity. Needless to say, I do believe my artist friend is likely still floating up in the clouds. Without continuing on about every anecdote and experience, we did receive other (as a group and individual) positive comments. When the day was winding down I really felt that our voice was loud and clear within the wind. Sure, we know we have a long road ahead and a lot of hard work but yesterday our efforts and desires were reaffirmed and encouraged by some of the very people we aspire to emulate. At the end, I split my meager profits among my partners, they argued, saying I should keep it (I am really talking about, all told $25 bucks or so split three ways, pocket change in today’s world) I insisted because we always agreed the profit of what we had done would always be split a certain way depending on who worked on what. Essentially I wanted my friends to know, even with chump-change, that it will never be about the money between us and that if we didn't start right away, with the correct intent and action regarding even this smell-time cash, then what are we working together for? I hope they got the message. If this isn’t a successful day in working toward your dreams than I don’t know what is.

Personal Ad...

2011-05-25T13:53:00.000-07:00

I am gruff and dislikable, I don't like children and I never enjoy ANY aspect of life and, hence, live it as meaninglessly as possible. You should do yourself a favor and stop reading now. Okay, since most everyone on here likes to sling various forms of the same profile, I figured I would sling the opposite.

Still reading?

Good.

Picture at right me? Sure, just add twenty-two years. The truth is I am a man and I try to live my life in an honorable way. Ask one hundred people about me and chances are most of them like me (just like everyone else). What do I like to do and not like to do? Well, stay tuned, I’m getting to that. I have learned that I will never find an idealized relationship, at least not one that is built from genuine and honest love. Unfortunately I will admit that it took me a long time to learn this. Why do I bring this up? Well, as I read so many others profiles, a startling fact for me regarding most men and women over thirty-five begins to appear. Most of us are still looking for something we can never find. I am not saying we'll never find love. I AM saying that as long as we look for our IDEA of what love is, we are dooming ourselves from ever actually finding it. What does that say about me, or you? If I am not “your cup of tea” than more power to you!

Still with me?

Cool.

Now actually about me: I am a geek! Unabashedly, wholeheartedly and genuinely a dork. I like bad movies, video games, table top Role Playing games and various other “geek-like” things. I enjoy comics and still buy some occasionally. Despite this, I don’t care for most of what is on TV or in the theaters. I listen to classical music and Jazz, but I am not a Nazi about it as the things any of us like, are not necessarily for everyone else. Even within these likes, my tastes are eclectic. I also like to travel, especially road trips, and enjoy the outdoors. I will admit that people which only look to life and culture as “the next new thing” tend to frustrate and sadden me. I want my own life to have more meaning than that and this does not include Twitter or posting every thought on Facebook. I would rather my interactions take place, face to face with people I care about and we all having made the commitment to be together in the same place at the same time. Okay, you may be thinking this is a thinly veiled criticism of modern culture. Well, I didn’t think it was that thinly veiled. I’m old fashioned! I have opinions, dreams, wants, desires and fantasies and I am not afraid to admit this in a dating profile because I am afraid of appearing weak or negative. I am human and willing to admit it. I hope this gives an insight both literal and between-the-lines of what kind of person I am. I could go on, as anyone else but I hope the rest is face to face.

And this is all I have to say about that...

2011-05-04T17:26:00.000-07:00

All week I have been trying to think of a way to express how I was feeling inside. Then, I found someone else had already done it and better than I ever could.

The Power of Positive Thinking...

2010-12-22T13:47:00.000-08:00

My life has been strangely positive lately. I have become strangely positive as well. I have a job I not only like, but happen to be pretty damned good at and am appreciated for. Actually it's not even the job that I specifically like but the fact that I am appreciated and depended on and my bosses not only seem to like me for what I am capable of, but REALLY seem to like me for me. Wow, how the wheel turns? I am feeling so damned good about myself I am starting to worry about the other shoe dropping as for too many years, it usually did. Whether self-fulfilling prophecy or external shit-ball-edness it did, and as constant as the North Star, it did. I don't want it to anymore. It was a set-up long in coming and I understand a much broader scale of it now. I want it to continue. So, to let it bleed over onto the long hiatus-ed blog, I thought I would share some of my (lately) favorite online videos and such...

Best NPR Rap ever

Ah, ...the mouth of babes.

Silly finger dance and all, you gotta appreciate the energy

Lucas should have hired these guys.

And she is so cute and innocent on The Office

Ah, the 5 minute version of The Dark Knight

I am in weird creepy fan-LOVE with this woman!

And ANYTHING from Mystery Guitar Man:

The Feeling's Unmutual

2010-09-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

Wow! An interesting book with a perspective that was frightening yet comforting to me. If you've ever felt like you just didn't quite fit in or seemed out of touch with everyone else, than maybe you should give this a read.

Words of wisdom...

2010-08-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

Just check it out yourself...

World's Strongest

2010-07-31T07:38:00.000-07:00

My nephew and I AGAIN (I think this is the tenth or eleventh time) had the nerdcore discussion focusing on who would really win in a fight. For the sake of complete fantastical whimsy I will post my view of why the Japanese version of Superman (i.e. Goku/Kakarot)would win. While I have no doubt the Silver/Bronze age Superman would be able to go toe-to-toe with Goku (at least for a while), since his de-powerment of the 80's, Supes just doesn't have the raw strength to keep up.

Before Goku reached such illustrious heights of Super-Saiyan, in an average (in what they call a low level) fight, the Z gang with Goku at the fore, were fighting at such speeds as to be unviewable to the average human eye. In other words, they moved so fast as to not be perceived by mere mortals in an average, everyday fight.

Early on in the DBZ story, Z fighters routinely had to hold back their powers because even moderately powerful attacks would have destroyed the planet they were fighting on.

Goku, despite his innocence and pure-of-heart demeanor, loves to fight. Superman, although not afraid of a fight, is not what most would consider, a fighter. Goku's drive ensures he trains constantly and relentlessly, always seeking out stronger opponents. Superman is lazy. In his world he is one of the most powerful and thus never needs to push himself.

Goku died once and was essentially taken in by outer dimensional gods of the Asian pantheon and not only was allowed to keep his powerful physical form, but also was named guardian of this corner of the universe of our dimension and given special training by the gods themselves! Superman? He got a few talking crystals from his old man.

While Goku is widely considered the strongest of his lot, most of his lower level friends are also incredibly powerful and can push themselves far beyond what even Superman can keep up with.

And finally...

Goku, like Superman, is an alien but unlike Superman, Goku's amazing physiology makes him more powerful every time he is beaten close to, or to death. So even if Superman beat him multiple times, Goku would eventually come back strong enough to win. Even after death.

Ah! Taste of an Old Generation

2010-07-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm 42 (and because my body is changing for the worse) I figured it was time to look at alternatives to soda. Since kicking soda completely has proven difficult. The good news is I have found an alternative that fulfills the craving yet leaves such an aftermath of funk that I don't even want another soda for several days. May I present my new soft drink...

...just The Doctor

2010-07-27T17:47:00.001-07:00

My favorite Doctors in order as of today...

4
7
2
10
9
3
1
5
11 (not enough exposure)
8 (Didn't care for the romantic interpretation)
6

Why? Why the hell not.

Naivete, the Internet and a Good Education in Critical Thinking

2010-07-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

Y'know, I am greatly saddened by the state of our state, country and world. Not for the mess we are in but for the much bigger mess we are continuing to move towards. I laugh at how so many Obama critics blame him for our economic problems and cry "Socialist!" yet I know myself and many, many of my friends were actually laid-off before the man even stepped foot in office. Aren't we a capitalist nation? Isn't that actually defined as a Darwinian approach to our economy? Wasn't Bush the one that began paying off American companies to keep them afloat because their practices risked their own survival? Okay, I am going to stop here as I have begun to touch upon only the slightest tip of a very large iceberg and this isn't the focus of this article.

What is important to realize is that as much as I love the internet, it is now such a bastion of opinion and misinformation that the truth is even harder to see than before. Sure, it is still possible to "read-between-the-lines" as it were and find the truth. Distill out others opinions, advertisements and propaganda down to what is really being said so that I can have a better understanding of individuals refusal to work together, protect their own asses (despite losing it slowly, anyway) and protect a company/corporation that would turn its back on them to save itself and blatantly cling on to American ideals from the 1980's that really should never have become so entrenched in the first place.

I had a professor in college (whose name now escapes me) that was very opinionated regarding what a place of higher learning should be. She had no problem expressing how today (and this was in the 90's) colleges and universities had become no more than trade schools and the idea of "higher-learning" and the individual's education of how to think critically, was being lost. She felt we were being led to an end and not taught how to decide how to best achieve whatever end we wanted. I, initially thought, her views were a bit extreme but I always admired her passion. Lately, I have come to realize she was pretty damned prophetic in our society of supposed free-information. Her words (if not her name) continue to echo in my mind.

Now, more than ever, the need for reasoning and critical thinking become paramount. As most of our population regurgitates the opinions of others, why can't we at least teach our children to see both the forest and the trees, as well as understanding how to separate them. Forgive my analogy but I am trying to be as concise as possible. Please teach anyone you know (especially the young) how to see things with not only a critical eye but also a reasoning one. as these two things go hand-hand-hand. You may scoff but think about what I am really saying. Teach your children the ability to think for themselves. Is that really such a bad thing? Are you happy with the world?

Resources that can give you a good base to begin...

Wikipedia - Critical Thinking

Critical Thinking Dot Org

Steven Spielberg’s greatest hits!

2010-07-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This blog is not political nor has any hint of PC thugness.

First things first; I am not a Spielberg fan, in general. In fact I dislike a vast majority of the films he has been involved with. I, like so many others (as well as Trey Parker and Matt Stone) felt that he and George Lucas raped the Indiana Jones franchise for the last outing in numerous ways. That being said and for some inexplicable reason, I felt the need to understand why Steven Spielberg is considered one of the most influential filmmakers of modern cinema. In truth, I feel that the vast majority of what Spielberg directs is utter crap. And I am not talking about the neighborhood dog that leaves a present on your lawn, variety of crap. I am talking about the kind of crap that even surpasses the Disney Channel! With all of that regurgitated I did want to focus on what it is I actually like that Spielberg has been involved with…

Munich – This much under-recognized film shows off what Spielberg can actually do with a camera when he wants to. This film, to me, is Spielberg’s best. Gritty, uncompromising and tragic, this film explores the nature of violence in the modern world. Unlike many of his other “statement” movies (I’m looking at you Amistad, Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan and probably a few more I’ve missed) this one is light on the Spielberg-ian message and over sentimentality and is more of a statement that is, like all good art should be, open for interpretation.

1941 – This movie is widely considered a disaster and a flop. Sadly, this may be more of a statement regarding my tenuous connection to this world and what is popular but enough about that. This movie is big, wild and crazy! It has action, music, dancing, a literal cast of thousands and John Belushi as a World War II fighter pilot that I wanted to be when I grew up. It encompasses paranoia and how it can make otherwise rational people behave quite irrationally as well as some of the craziest parody ever put on screen (and that is saying something considering films like Airplane and the like). I think this film actually demonstrates what is best about Spielberg’s more whimsical touch when filmmaking and it is a shame it has not achieved more success through the years. Still, it has its fans and I am counted among them.

Jaws – My first popular movie on the list and Spielberg’s first undeniable hit. Really, since this is a popular one, I won’t explain too much other than to say this film actually does what most people say about Spielberg's other films. It is “Big Budget” filmmaking with a great cast, memorable lines and scenes, a story that feels larger than life (yet really isn’t) and is critically acclaimed (i.e. damn goods filmmaking).

The Lost World: Jurassic Park – Okay, okay let me explain. This film is rooted in the “Ed Wood” category on that it is so bad, it is good. I am also willing to bet Spielberg himself realized this as the last act breaks down into parody of his own filmmaking style. In my opinion, best of the otherwise dreadful Jurassic Park franchise (Only the movies, the books are quite good) if only for their nearly flawless effects combined with absurd situations in a ballet of tongue-in-cheek moments that still manage to excite.

Raiders of the Lost Ark – Okay, let’s be honest. From an objective point of view this film does not hold up. Spielberg’s over-choreographed action set-pieces (for which are even more magnified in later films) are on full display here. Despite this, I still love it and for this type of film (i.e. Saturday Cliff-Hanger Serial meets modern Big Budget Filmmaking) the style works. This particular film has so many things going for it that it survives and thrives despite lackluster (or in some cases terrible and embarrassing, I’m looking at you Crystal Skull) sequels. Of course its sequels also suffer from this one’s phenomenal success and no matter what kind of crap Indy ends up in (and I mean script-wise, not onscreen shenanigans), we can always put this DVD in our players to remind us why we love the character in the first place.

Honorable Mention: Empire of the Sun – I cannot honestly comment on this film other than to say I remember enjoying it immensely at a time when I loathed the name Steven Spielberg. I saw this film when it was in theaters in 1987 and have not seen it since, so I should probably give this another view just to be sure.

The Crap Pile

Too many films to honestly list but I will place a couple of my least favorite.

War of the Worlds – A terrible adaptation of one of my favorite books in all the world. Was it doomed from the start because of this fact? Hmm, so let me get this straight, Martians, untold years ago, were capable of space flight (and advanced force-field technology) had buried giant war machines beneath our Earth so that at a time of their choosing they could invade and destroy our very planet yet were defeated by our earth-bound bacteria and viruses? Now I could go on with why this is immensely more implausible then the fact that Martians would invade, anyway but I won’t. I wanted to like this film, even if Tom Cruise was the lead, I really did. Actually, I think I’ll re-read the book. . .

E.T.: The Redux – Yikes! Why take an overblown kids fantasy film and make it worse with ridiculous CGI?!?!? Some things are best left forgotten and this question (as well as this version of the film) should also be.

Spielberg’s Production Credits – Let’s be honest, Spielberg was involved in many popular and influential films so I figured I had better list some of my favorites of those too.

Poltergeist

The Goonies

Back to the Future I, II and III

Three O’Clock High (under-recognized but funny)

Joe Versus the Volcano

Dreams

Shrek

Evolution

Band of Brothers

Flags of Our Fathers (yes this is Clint Eastwood’s baby but Spielberg did help it become a reality)

Letters from Iwo Jima (yes this is also Clint Eastwood’s baby but Spielberg did help it become a reality)

Las Vegas Bucket List

2010-07-08T08:59:00.000-07:00

As my hometown spends more and more money on embedding itself into the hearts and minds of popular culture I can't help wonder when enough is enough. Well, as far as the vampiric entity of Las Vegas is concerned; it is never enough. I recently saw an article (didn't bother to read it) about the Las Vegas Bucket List: 10 things to do in Las Vegas before you die. Hmm, (in my best James Earl Jones voice) disturbing, most disturbing. Well, I decided to make my own "Las Vegas Bucket List"...

My Las Vegas Bucket list: 1 Thing to do in Las Vegas before you (I) die...

Leave it.

I heard a funny joke today...

2009-10-13T22:06:00.001-07:00

A friend sent me this email today...

Hey guys.

Just read some of the headlines and took note that we're in the early stages of a dollar collapse. Central Bank's share of dollar reserve purchases was 37 percent this year, and yen and euro are preferred reserve currencies as of this date. If you have the resources, I'd switch a portion of your assets to commodities.

Probably the best outlook we have for the next few years is stagflation, assuming there's an effort to save the currency. As a practical matter, my humble opinion is reason will prevail and the health care bill is going to die due to this consideration. Could be wrong, but I think conservatives and centrist democrats will agree it's not do-able at this time. It's going to be the 1970's all over again. Upside is our exports will get very competitive, and we're probably going to usher in lots of fiscal conservatives in November 2010.

Here are the first few thoughts that came into my mind:

Assets? I've been unemployed for almost a year. My 401k lost money when I was forced to cash out, both in terms of tax penalties and poor market. Everything else has been slowly trickling away paying for living month-to-month. As if being a single parent wasn't hard enough when I was working, I am now seriously looking into food stamps to help get through the next several months. My assets consist of my health and my daughter. I had a plan to get her through college. Had.

So forgive me if I can't help but laugh at others worries regarding their money being in trouble. My focus regarding the fundamentals of what is really important has been severely narrowed. I have been forced to look at the next few weeks, I don't even think of the next few years as quite literally, I can't afford to. As if my natural Generation-X tendency to distrust any establishment and authority figures wasn't bad before. Now I will most likely never believe any establishment again. Myself and my daughter are now my only investments. With talent, luck and maybe some divine intervention we will be in the class of entrepreneurs of the future. Because right now, most of it, most of them are rubbish. Laughable, ludicrous rubbish.

So please, look me in the eye and tell me that the current and recent past American way of doing business works. Please, I could use a good laugh. I see and talk to so many people and hear of their woes regarding the economy and how they have to make adjustments because the company/organization they still work for is cutting back and their work load is greater and/or the economy sucks and they have to be more careful about what and how they spend because the cost of everything has risen or they can't afford to save as much as they used to. Or whatever other sob story their disillusionment comes up with while still remaining employed.

I don't get mad at particular people, its not worth it and honestly, it is just human nature to look to themselves first. But I won't say I don't find it frustrating and sad. Also funny. Why funny you ask? I'll tell you. Even with my own woes, I live in a house and I can still afford the occasional small luxury. Many people (whether through their own fault or not) don't even have that. So fuck you and your 'dollar collapse'.

In Death Their Is Re-Birth...

2008-05-08T16:58:00.000-07:00

The short lived blog, "Life on the Edge" is dead. The Stinking Pile is in it's place here...

The Stinking Pile.

Enjoy...

Forks in the road...

2008-04-26T02:41:00.000-07:00

http://laveypoetry.blogspot.com/

http://dimminglight.blogspot.com/

One more to come.

Flushing Toilet...

2008-03-20T06:35:00.000-07:00

I have been stale lately so I read back through some of my old blogs. I found a few that I really liked but I found much more that (while I realized it, I didn't realize the extent) were incredibly whiny, self indulgent and pompous. Even more so than this one. With that said I feel lately I have become transformed into a bit of a curmudgeon. I am growing tired of my continued realization that 99.9% of all people on this planet are petty, base and self serving and use religion or their personal sense of values to disguise it. Sure, I mean within that percentage you can find about a third of those people who actually want to be good people but the status quo has tricked and manipulated them into characters that know no other way than to behave petty and selfishly. Now another startling (yet ongoing) realization is that all people are fucking insane in some way. No one is normal. I mean in a serious psychological health way. I’m talking clinically and we could all be diagnosed. None of us are emotionally healthy. My own personal affliction: Ambivalence. I have complex positive and negative emotions toward just about everything in my life from food to love to people and to even sex. I am incapable of find anything wholly good, bad or even balanced in any aspect of my life. I can't find a middle ground or even any ground. I recently read Kurt Vonnegut's Man Without a Country and I found myself relating to this ninety year old man who had done and seen far more that I have. While I felt the book was a great and interesting read I was saddened that my own views matched his on so many levels. The realization (or fear) that no great truth exists and the human condition is constant pain and finding pure joy in the smallest things (or is this the great truth?). With all of this said I have also come to realize that so many of humanity's so called great achievements (or the one's propaganda leads us to believe are achievements) are neither great nor are wholly putting humankind forward in a progressive way. Many of them serve to simply keep us down or forget the real world. They are distractions and nothing more. They are hindering us sometimes more than helping us. Anyway getting preachy. On a lighter and more positive note: I am in love. No, not that screwed up kind that makes people fuck and obsess and lie to themselves and others. This is an ideal love, sort of like how the Christians love Jesus. This is a co-worker that I am very close with. We work together in the true sense of the word teamwork. She is straightforward, has integrity and even is idealistic herself. I'll never tell her though because that will ruin it, as my own personal history suggests. Besides I’d kind of like to keep the idea of it anyway. (Trying to enjoy the feeling without trying to possess it since the desire to posses is the folly of humanity or at least of me.) This is a woman that grew up in Cuba under Castro, escaped to the U.S. using a stolen passport from Europe and she still is idealistic! Holy shit I'm impressed! This is not a physical love but more of an emotional/intellectual love. Enough about that. I have meandered enough and now I come to the point of this blog. Because of my sporadic postings there are probably only two or three readers left anyway. I am quitting this blog. As Stephan King wrote in Rita Heyworth and the Shawshank Redemption through Otis Redding (a.k.a. Red), "Get busy living or get busy dying." Since I am openly suicidal (apparently) but have no plans in doing the deed in the next fifty or sixty years I figure I'd better get busy living. This blog has been primarily a dumping ground that, ultimately, doesn't really help anything that I'm aware of other than my own sense of self importance. So, with that said... Good bye.

Suicide Note

2008-02-21T12:42:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is my suicide note. Now wait a minute!!! Don’t get all crazy on me!!! Don't get your panties in a bunch!!! I’m not going to off myself anytime soon. I want to live for many more years, just hear me out first... Yesterday on NPR I was listening to State of Nevada and the topic revolved around (at least the segment I heard) the rise in senior citizen murder/suicides. The reason was because the elders in question felt that they were becoming a burden and were financially broke and with failing health. One caller was freaking out saying how we need to "...stop them from committing such things" I am paraphrasing and she was talking about an older person specifically trying to commit suicide. My first thought was, "Who the fuck are you to tell someone that has lived out almost all of their life how they can and cannot end it!?!?" You see, I have always had an old age suicide plan. I have made no secret that at some point when I become much older and my health begins to really fail and someone else is giving their own life to support me, it was time for me to go. I would pack a small nap sack and head off into some wilderness enjoying the earth one last time. Whether I made it one mile or a thousand miles didn’t matter, I would end it on my terms being as self sufficient as I could possibly be. Many people chuckled at me when I told them this through the years but it’s one of the few things in my screwed up mind that I have been sure about. So, here it is, all official up on the internet for everyone to see. When I’m much older (preferably close to or over one hundred) and my mind and/or body begin to fail I am going to go for a long walk that I never intend to come back from. I'm going to enjoy the sky and the stars and the wind in my face one last time. My most important value in my own life is the personal rights of the individual and respect for those rights. To stop me and label me unfit will surely make me incredibly unhappy and sink me into another depression, make me a burden on society and will infringe on my personal values. If you choose to stop me, fuck you in advance. Hopefully, when I’m older, there will be some wilderness left to go walking in.

Hits and Misses...

2008-01-24T03:45:00.001-08:00

As you may or may not know, last Saturday was the Republican and Democratic Caucus’ held in Nevada. The week that led up to it was marred a bit by some court controversy between Clinton and Obama. The Nevada caucus’ took the place of the Primary elections for this election season. Because I feel it is a necessity to vote, I made sure to attend my precinct’s caucus. But before I get into that, let me bring you up to speed on my political leanings... I am an Anarchist of the Emma Goldman variety. Deep down I believe that if we can achieve a strong sense of personal responsibility, we do not need to be governed (Read the Tao Te Ching for another insight to this but of course, like Karl Marx’s dream, this seems impractical on a widespread scale). I also believe in the Republican ideal as it pertains to a German business model that creates a corporation that works for the community, not individual share holders thereby reducing the need for big government (although this practice is in place in India, it remains to be seen how it will work on a large scale). While it can be argued that these (like religions) are in fact similar in overall goals and practices to socialism, it is the details in which so many people disagree. Therefore, I am a registered Democrat. I know, seems like some goofy joke. Anyway, I attended my precincts’s caucus with a little background as to how it went and a few arguments ready to convince non-viable groups to join my group. I went in with as open a mind as I could. Every group was viable except the lone Kucinich supporter and he decided to leave once everything started instead of joining another group so I never got to argue anything. Turnout to the caucus was much greater than expected. The few older people running things were simply overwhelmed with the amount of people and didn’t have enough supplies to keep up. I have two feelings on this, 1.) Wow, it was great to see such passion for this election, and 2.) Like Karl, I felt these fucking moobs won’t give a shit in four or eight years and are only passionate because they hate (or resent voting for) Bush and/or either hate the idea of a woman running, a black man running or both. Despite this I secretly harbor hopes that maybe more people (because of this current knee jerk voter/candidate empathy) will continue to vote after this and continue to get more involved. A few observations about the process... Clinton supporters in my precinct are bullies and tried to bulldog the older people running the show. Thankfully there also were a few of us willing to speak up and keep these ex-Bush supporters in check. Edwards, Obama supporters and the lone Kucinich supporter, on the whole seemed very open to discuss, talk, debate, listen, keep a clear head and remain positive during the hour or so leading up to the proceedings. Clinton supporters stayed quite, did not want to engage in anything and seemed more comfortable casting dirty looks. A few were open but not most of them. For this reason it further cements my belief that Clinton is part of the original "Reaganomics" conspiracy and her propaganda is fomenting fear in most people making them unwilling to actually think. Like my friend Karl Bakla, I hate the media and how they portray candidates, it focus’ on the money race and only gives the highest earners any real coverage. Even my beloved NPR was terribly deficient in this way. After attending the caucus I can say I’m not sold on the idea and still lean towards regular Primary elections. I am a reserve Delegate and may get to cast my final vote in March but at least I am vested in seeing this process through even though I don’t really like it as any delegate can really vote anyway they please regardless of which group they supported during the caucus. At least with the Primary election, one vote is one vote. On State of Nevada the other day one caller complained that now neighbors won’t talk to each other because of the caucus and their individual leanings, and she said it as a negative. I myself thought of it as an incredible positive, because they obviously weren’t talking about this stuff before so maybe they’ll get over their hurt feelings and actually begin a dialog about the issues and such. Another caller made the statement that despite the issues, organization is easier to fix than voter apathy. I really hope she’s right.

Interesting Image of the Day: Adolescence

2008-01-20T20:03:00.000-08:00

Since I've been doing some serious writing lately my blog has been a bit neglected. Oh well, enjoy this weird pic, I thought it summed up being a teen-ager (and hell, even how I've mostly felt as an adult) quite nicely. Stay tuned for my take on attending the Nevada Caucus...

Love on higher...

2008-01-12T20:01:00.001-08:00

We’ve all heard it, talked about it or seen it on TV. John loves Mary but Mary loves Ken. Ken, on the other hand, is secretly gay and loves Phil. Phil is desperately in love with his wife Agnus. Agnus really only loves herself and semi-regularly sleeps with John, a guy named Larry and her neighbor around the corner Phyllis. John suffers from low self esteem for this reason and Larry doesn’t really care where he throws it around but secretly has a long time crush on Susie. Susie doesn’t really know any of these people except for Larry and Agnus. Susie and Agnus experimented with lesbianism in high school with each other but to Susie, it was like another life. Agnus, although incredibly self absorbed, secretly longs for the feelings she felt with Susie. This misplaced understanding makes Agnus feel as if she loves Susie. Also, Agnus’ child is really John’s. Susie is seeing a new guy Jack, who seems like one in a million catch, but has difficulty getting close to anyone because he has been hurt so many times. Remember Phyllis? She actually is incredibly embittered and insular, her only outlet is the casual relationship with Agnus. Jack (the one in a million catch) is lying to himself about Susie and has settled into a "good enough for now" mentality. Remember John and Mary? They had a brief passionate relationship years ago and... Well, I think you get my point. I could go on and on but no matter how outrageous this story gets, I’m willing to bet that; A.) Someone has a stranger twist and B.) You have all been a part of this kind of tangled web whether you knew it or not. What the hell is the matter with us? Can’t we just make it right? I’ve been thinking about all of this lately (or at least how it pertains to me) and I saw a commercial for a CD regarding songs of Worship. Yep, that’s right, Christian mother fucking rock! Hell ya!!! Anyway, we all know how derivative it can be but today I listened to the lyrics and...POW!!! I began to understand why so many people my age turn to Jesus and commit their undying love. It really has nothing to do with spirituality (or lack thereof). It has to do with passion. No, I’m not talking about the Holy Spirit or any crap like that. I’m talking about human to human passion. We move around these circles and whether through sabotage from others or ourselves, we find them ultimately frustrating and painful. The longer we go around the harder it is to feel close to anyone. If we commit our love to a perfect idea of what love is, we no longer have to be hurt (or as hurt) as our idea could never hurt us because it’s as real (or unreal) as we want it. Yeah, ok, it’s lacking on the "sex" side, but hey, emotionally it’s solid, if imaginary. Ok, don’t worry, I’ve haven’t found Jesus and I didn’t buy that CD (ok I did get a copy off of Limewire). I just wanted to make this hypothesis based off of my observations and musings so let me know what you think. I also think that the reason so many religious people are close minded and intolerant proves that they obviously aren’t religious for the right reasons even if my above hypothesis isn’t exactly correct.

Clarity

2008-01-10T00:21:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while, whether by introspection, luck or divine process we are granted clarity. Ok, ok that’s bullshit. We have the ability to see clearly all of the time. When we are not distracted by the bullshit we surround our selves with, that is. Sometimes though, it’s hard to see things as they are. At least for me, at first, I have trouble seeing things for what they are. I get overcome with details that I can’t initially see the whole picture. Ok, no biggie and no surprise, right? Hey, sometimes I just gotta relax and see with open eyes. I get it, it’s a personal quirk. And people close to me wonder why I don’t initially comment on something I’ve seen for the first time. Is it because I’m stupid? Slow? Oh hell, I don’t know and I’m really not the point of this blog. What is the point is that ALL of us sometimes don’t initially understand what we see. Sometimes it’s the lack of details, sometimes too many details and sometimes it’s the structured promotion of specific details designed to confuse us. This last one, by the way, is called propaganda. As our first example, let’s use immigration... Right now in this country immigration is what they call a hot button issue. It get’s people’s blood pumping. We have been repeatedly told that these foreigners are taking our jobs. These immigrant laborer’s are driving down salaries because companies don’t have to pay them as much. The details that are left out or generally glossed over is that immigration is the very system that has created this country and is responsible for our diverse culture over the entire 231 years (and 200+ years before that, even longer if you count the ice bridge over the Bering Strait). Also in all of that time, immigrants are never the sole or primary reason why wages go down. How about one more little detail to throw in the mix. The Nazi’s (masters of propaganda) used a concerted propaganda campaign to foment historic and cultural intolerance of Jews as scapegoats to many of their own social problems and to distract the public as a whole. Sound familiar? Research it, I’m not making this shit up. Second example... Abortion. Talk about a hot button issue! First things first. I am personally a very pro-life individual. I believe that people should own up to their responsibilities. I would never want anyone I am with to willfully abort a pregnancy (except for extenuating circumstances). Politically I am Pro-Choice. Why? Because many religious people would have you believe (and spend money in various propaganda campaigns) that human life is sacred and begins at the moment of conception. The funny thing is that these same religious people are very quick to lean on the bible to prove many of their points. The bible, however, says nothing about abortion. Science has determined that a fetus begins to develop brain wave patterns in the beginning of the second trimester. This is why abortions beyond the first trimester are illegal except in extenuating circumstances. History has also proven that women seek out abortions whether legal or not, often (when illegal) resulting in death for the woman due to infection. But most of what you hear is how human life is so important. Yet (as mentioned in a previous blog) sperm and eggs are a form of human life. Let’s, of course, not forget the millions of people that are murdered around the globe for various political, social, economic reasons. Think Sudan, Iraq, Afganistan, The diamond trade, and on and on and on. Righteousness is not clarity, it’s the other way around. That’s about all I have to say as I don’t want to end this blog with some silly arrogant wrap-up because I’m sure I’ll fuck up and not see the big picture and make bold comments about it in the future. Just do me a favor and call me on it. After all, the only thing I really want is clarity.

Life is not fair...

2007-12-28T22:36:00.000-08:00

We hear this statement all through our lives. It is supposed to help us deal with adversity, to make us see alternative viewpoints and deal with curve balls that get thrown our way. But what does it really mean? Sometimes we go through our lives always getting surprised in negative ways, it conditions us to always expect the worst, to always wonder when the other shoe will drop, to always worry when disaster will strike. Then life goes on. We settle into our habits and insulate ourselves from sorrow. We just accept what comes our way and we chuckle in an arrogant way when we see it happen to others as we feel confident on our ability to say, "I told you so." Then, every once in a while, due to the alignment of the stars, the winds of fortune or whatever, we find ourselves with a boon of what we desire. Things seem to just work out. Even rarer still, we seem to get exactly what we want. Things appear to finally go our way and we find ourselves so enriched by the bounty of our efforts that we can’t help but wonder, "Where’s that other shoe?" We’ve worked so hard and have been so patient to get to this point. We approach the very cusp of so much that we want and... And... AND... "Where’s that other shoe?" We don’t see it anywhere? Everything seems right and good and ready, what’s the problem? "I want this so bad, I’ve worked and waited and wanted and finally here I am and there is not a storm cloud in site!" Within this sense of security something waits. Something dark and evil and patient. Every bit as patient as you were when you worked to this point. It waited, bided it’s time and whispered when it felt it needed to and remained silent when it wanted to stay hidden. In the absence of that other shoe and those storm clouds it is more than willing to fill that void. It is self doubt. In the absence of pressure, it creates a pressure far greater than anything external. "You can’t do it. You can’t possibly succeed. You haven’t yet, why do you think you will this time?" It whispers. And the bitch of it is, it feeds itself. Once we begin to doubt, it begins to consume us and we suddenly find ourselves in the midst of the darkest storm clouds we’ve ever seen. Yes, this blog seems very negative and right now I am mad as hell! I am in the midst of a very powerful storm of self doubt. Very local, very intense and very troubling. It rips me and hurts me and makes me want to scream to the heavens! "Why! Why are you doing this to me, what have I done!" Except I’ve only done this to myself. The funny thing is, when I stop to think, to really think about all of it, it's not even what I want, just a part of a much bigger picture and I just focused way to intensely on one area. I put the pussy on a pedestal, as it were. I literally wanted something too much. Now the good news. Despite this hole in my chest right now. This horrible sinking feeling that threatens to make me curl up and forget my life. Despite all of this, I won’t stop. I won’t give up and I won’t go gently into that good night. I don’t want this for myself. I may have been blind sided, but hey, that’s life, right? Today my seem grim and I worry about losing the potential for something great in my life because of this self doubt, but tomorrow is a new day. Because, after all, life is not fair. At least I have a greater appreciation for what that means now.

Not Legendary

2007-12-16T22:35:00.001-08:00

This blog is old school Stinking Pile retro, yo! Just like the reviews we used to do. As a matter of fact I reviewed the book for the Stinking Pile, if only my old hard drive was working, "sigh" . I Am Legend. Will Smith stars as the last man on earth in this 3rd adaptation of the Richard Matheson novel. Like both other adaptations, this one used certain elements from the book. Will Smith was good as Robert Neville and his struggles against loss, hope and paranoia. Those elements were really the only thing that carried over from the book. The deserted Manhattan also was well done and CGI was put to good use. The vampires, however, being what appeared to be entirely CGI creations continued to remind me why CGI can not entirely stand on it’s own and should only be used to augment the story and not carry it. As far as this being "the most faithful adaptation yet" goes, well, that’s just bullshit. The Vincent Price version, as poor as that one was, is still the closest. It is important to note that the book, I Am Legend first published in 1954 was the genesis for what is now the sub-genre of horror called survival horror. It was considered a modern twist on the vampire mythos and until the advent of Anne Rice it was second only to Dracula by Bram Stoker as the best selling vampire novel of all time. It predated George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead by fourteen years and I Am Legend’s influence can be seen in that movie. Now it is fair to say that the book stands alone as a classic, if under recognized as one. The movie, on the other hand, coming on the heals of many "survival horror" movie classics from Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead (original and remake), Return of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later to name a few, not to mention countless crappy movies like Flight of the Living Dead, Return of the Living Dead 2 and up and on and on and on... I Am Legend had a really difficult challenge to make itself somehow unique and fresh to the movie going public. Instead of going entirely with Robert Neville’s plight and sticking with the theme of the book it took a left turn and the plot holes began to fill up faster than a porn star’s mouth in a bukakke competition. The vampire mutant things were ridiculously bestial and vicious yet smart enough to lay elaborate traps and were superhuman. I mean really, what is this fascination with Hollywood to somehow make things that are threatening to be far beyond the norm for human levels of strength, speed and agility? Anyway, the first two thirds of the movie were, all in all, really good. The last bit was pure Hollywood shlock and (oddly) the ending was not a typical Hollywood ending yet lacked any real resonance from the book. This is a 7 on the stink meter. Just to inform those that never read a "Stinking Pile" review, the scale read thus: 0 meant that the object of said review had NO STINK, was therefor perfect and it was the highest review. I don’t remember anything actually getting this rating, however. 10 meant that the object of said review stunk to high hell and was the worst rating anything could get. I great explanation of the book can be found here yet I would encourage you to go read it.

Interesting Image of the Day: Shenanigans

2007-12-15T06:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, without any real malicious intent, for the sake of comedy, relief or the lack of any common sense, at one time or another we all are up to no good. The pure mischevious joy on this kids face just makes me smile!

Neo Post Modern Suburban Poser Punk

2007-12-12T21:36:00.000-08:00

Now, I’m not quite sure what to make of this cat. But more on him in a moment. Here I am at a hole in the wall bar with my good friend Karl trying to enjoy the musical stylings of Belly Button, No People and The Mapes. I was also lucky to find that this same hole in the wall bar had a vast selection of beers. Now, I’m a beer snob (lived in Germany for 3 years) and I never felt fully in tune with the punk rock movement (even the early days) and I feel more of akin to experimental Jazz (not Kenny G and shit like that but Count Basie, Miles Davis, some of the Marsallis’s stuff, Thelonius Monk, etc.) I certainly don’t possess the appreciation or knowledge for/of Punk like Karl but I do enjoy Fugazi (more of a DYI), Back Door Breaker Inners, Shapes of Race Cars and various others that Karl has burned me samples of yet I don’t know their names. Anyway, I’m in this bar, feeling like the oldest one there (and probably rightly so) hanging with Karl and the Bethanator and I order a Pacifico (being one of two Mexican beers off hand that I like, the other being Negra Modello) and that sonovabitch bartender puts a fucking lime in it. I was insulted! Now, Peppermint P, in case you read this, I was not whining about my beer being turned into fruit salad so hush woman! I was insulted because lime is put into shitty beers like Corona because they are, well, shitty and you need that lime to hide the shittyness of it. But Pacifico is not Mexican swill and therefor does not need a lime. So I picked the lime out and tossed it on the bar. Now this cat, in the photo, questions why I tossed the lime out. I look him up and down, not being very "Punk" myself, I see three things about him; 1.) He got his mohawk done at QUA in Caesar’s Palace (or some such place) and 2.) He’s wearing a Tommy Hilfiger shirt (I know, obvious, right?) 3.) He’s drinking a Corona with lime in it. With these three details in mind I can, at the very least, deduce that he is a complete Poser and a pussy. "Lime is for shitty beer." I state to him. "I have lime in my beer, that’s what you’re supposed to do in Mexican beer." He replied. "No, lime is what you put in shitty Mexican beer like yours." I spout back. He looks at me in a funny way, to which I follow up, "Yes, you drink shitty beer." He shrugs and goes back to whatever it was he was doing. Yep, a complete Poser and a pussy. Karl and I noticied throughout the evening that he seemed more concerned about primping his mohawk than almost anything else. So the next few times I have a Pacifico, I’ll be thinking of this shmuck and what ever his latest incarnation is. Thanks Karl for the great shot.

Interesting Image of the Day: Eye See You...

2007-12-11T21:45:00.001-08:00

Okay, it's obviously an Adobe Photoshop trick but I liked it and thought it was interesting. Didn't have anything to write so deal with this wierd photo. BTW as soon as Karl sends me the JPG, I'll have a nice little story about our Tommy Hilfiger Punk Rocker and his pussy ass Corona beer lime. Skaitch.

It All Began Innocuously Enough...

2007-12-09T10:35:00.000-08:00

After having not stepped into a Catholic church for mass in twenty plus years I decided to go to church with my mother at our old local parish near the house I grew up in. My mother is still a practicing Catholic and I wanted to be there for her. The mass unfolded perfunctorily and at the time when the communion was being given I decided that I needed some fresh air. The weight of this decrepit and decreasingly relevant religious practice had settled upon my own beliefs and I had enough for the moment.
I walked toward the back door, glancing around and realizing how run down the whole building looked. Cracked paint and worn pews, the dark red carpet stained with even darker hues, suggested years of neglect. Stained glass windows, now faded and patched in some areas with colored plexiglass that could not match the original colors or their original shapes. To the left, those baroque confessionals where I myself confessed so many prepubescent sins that now seem quaint and laughable. The wooden frame of the entranceway, water damaged with flaking paint slowly peeling off over many years time.
Almost out the door my swinging hand connected with the shoulder of an elderly lady sitting at the end of the very last pew. Even though I was only walking it felt as if my hand had landed with solid force against her. I saw her wince and I immediately stopped and kneeled to ensure she was alright.
"I’m fine, just leave me be." She proclaimed through gritted teeth as she grabbed her shoulder. Her face wore the expression of someone that had just been attacked.
"I feel terrible, is there anything I can do? If it really hurts perhaps we can call an ambulance?" I was as much concerned for her attitude as her health.
"I said just leave me be. You people have done quite enough!" She bared her teeth as she spat out that last sentence.
Not sure exactly what she meant, I decided it was best to leave her be and to continue out the doors, staying close in case she changed her mind about wanting help. Crossing the threshold of the old rundown church out into the beautiful late morning sun, I couldn’t help but think that if God really does have a church, it would be held outside on a day like this. Light wispy clouds hung sporadically in the deep blue sky. The sun, still an hour away from it’s apex, cast it’s warm light everywhere, without the harsh glare that would come along later in the day. Full trees dotted the street. The air was cool but not uncomfortable and the absence of traffic only added to feelings of an almost urban bliss. I drew in the deepest breath I could thinking about how I wanted to be outside with the people closest to me on a day like today.
My daydreams were interrupted by a horse cry, "There he is!" coming from inside the church.
I turned and could see the old lady, still clutching her shoulder, pointing toward me and the little fat old pastor marching to the door, holding his robes up to keep himself from tripping. His jowled little face was red and his lips were tight. His brow was knitted and he stopped right at the edge of the door, just out of the sun. "Come here young man." He commanded.
I was not accustomed to that tone being used towards me so I stood there, a little in shock and not quite comprehending why I was being ordered around. When I did start to move the priest called out again, "I said come here!"
I felt that it was important enough to ensure that the elderly lady was okay and to ignore these pastor’s demands. I walked back into the church, feeling the weight of it surround me. The pastor grabbed my arm and led me to the front of the church right by the alter. It seemed the whole church was gathering around, even the elderly lady, now apparently free of any injury.
"Who are you that you think you can come into a house of god and injure our worshipers without any regard for their well being?" Questioned the priest.
I felt confused, "Wha- I bumped into her and stopped to see-"
"Don’t you lie to me, boy! This is a place of worship! You are a sinner!" He proclaimed.
"What are you talking about? It was an accident and I did stop to se-" Things had seemed to have spiraled into another realm.
"Sinner!" The crowd said all at once.
"You are evil and do not deserve to be among Us in god’s house. You are as foul as Lucifer himself. You are wicked and you will surely burn in the fires of hell!" Came the pastor’s next verbal assault. His face had grown even more red and his jowls shook as he spoke. The people around seemed to echo his sentiments.
I backed away as best I could and retreated to the alter. The priest followed but the people did not. The large old wooden crucifix which bore the sad and dying Jesus, looked down upon this scene. I understood a small part of the anguish on his face. The priest hounded me, he kept repeating similar phrases of damnation over and over. Where ever I moved on the alter, the priest kept following, his verbal assault never lessening. Jesus’s gaze, up on the old crucifix, also seemed to be following us. As my anger rose I wasn’t sure for whom Jesus’s expression was for.
"If you do not repent, you will surel-" The priest was cut off in mid sentence. This time I did the interrupting.
"Fuck you!" I had reached my limit and decided to seize some initiative. At their stunned silence, I quickly and briefly explained what had happened and also restated my concern toward the old woman and her potential need for medical attention.
It was if my words held no meaning and once the priest regained his composure, he used my exclamation to fuel his verbal assault on my soul. This time he laid his hands on my chest and pushed me. I barely took a half of a step back and grabbed the old man around the collar of his robes. Lifted him up enough to gain leverage and slammed him down onto the floor of the alter, I could feel the air rush from his lungs. My anger was unchecked now, "Leave me the fuck alone!" I screamed into his face. I let go of him because even in my rage I did not want to cause any real harm. The crowd parted for me as I walked briskly to the side door. I hopped the bannister and walked around to the front of the church, looking in at the scene.
"I’m going to sue you for assault!" The priest screamed from up on the alter.
As I stood there waiting for my anger to subside I suddenly remembered my mother was in there somewhere. In the next few moments it seemed as if the church had gone back to it’s mass. I walked to my car realizing the day had grown overcast and the leaves were all gone from the trees. I sat in the car and the last thing I remember thinking before I woke up was that I was ashamed and that my mother was probably embarrassed. I couldn’t shake the feeling of being disrespectful. Not to God or his followers, but disrespectful to my mother and something that she had felt was still important.

Get off your lazy ass...

2007-12-05T21:12:00.000-08:00

Tired of all that "thinkin’!" Don’t want to put your PlayStaion3 controller down to be bothered with your so called, "reality!" Tired of all those liberals whining about your personal "rights!" Well then, vote Republican! That’s right, it’s free, Free, FREE!!! Republicans won’t allow things like a couple of butt fucking hippies to destroy the sanctity of marriage even if normally straight couples have done a fine job of it already. Republicans won’t support a health care plan that tells you what doctor you have to go to, even if you can barely afford the right to do it now. A Republican wouldn’t dare let those EEE-VILL terrorists off the hook by enabling our troops to be underutilized here in the states. Because even the great Glenn Beck says, "Make no mistake, they are out to kill you and me and everything we believe in!" I mean your taxes pay for our soldiers, shouldn’t they do the job they’re paid to do? That’s all the Republicans want! It’s not about war, it’s about unemployment! Let’s not forget unions! Republicans have been eroding the union power base for decades and if you vote Republican, they won’t let those whiny picketers and their "labor disputes" affect hard working Wal-Mart employees. I mean they should be happy they’re employed? Am I right? Can I get an Amen! Republicans also won’t let those liberal fairies tell you that it’s okay to murder innocent children through abortion. I mean we can’t kill human life, right? As a matter of fact, Republicans plan on creating farms for sperm and eggs from humans so that they can live out their natural lives because they’re human life too! Still not satisfied? Well look what we have here, we have a Republican that calls herself a Democrat and plans on throwing the American people a bone by trying to pass universal health care and her plan of "fiscal responsibility". But really she’ll just push the ol’ Republican agenda right along. And if you just don’t feel comfortable voting even for Hillary, hell, just say fuck it and stay home! That works too. Because a non-vote is like a vote and a half for the Republicans.

Seriously, I don’t care who the fuck you vote for, just vote for someone. Write in a vote for a Ficus tree if nothing else but drag your sorry ass to the polls and ensure what happened in Nevada last year doesn’t happen to our country. In Nevada, Democrats stayed home from the polls and we got stuck with Jim Gibbons's lame duck ass for six years. At least if we end up with a shitty president, we can ALL be responsible.

Apology Not Accepted.

2007-12-03T21:32:00.001-08:00

I’ve never understood this insane desire by the media and pop culture to demand apologies from celebrities and politicians. What exactly is an apology? I mean does the act of apologizing make everything okay? Frankly, no and the desire to demand apologies is complete bullshit. It reeks of appearances being more important that substance. Apologies, on the whole, are bullshit also. Unless you actually feel bad about fucking up, are willing to attempt not repeat the same mistakes and understand that you have to move forward from that point on then I don’t want your damned apology and I certainly don’t need it to be a spectacle. Now, if all three of these factors are true, an apology, as a common courtesy, is a good thing. If not, shut the fuck up and move along because I don’t want you around (no, I have no personal axe grind and this isn’t directed towards anyone specific). This weird spectacle of public apologies seems like some kind of twisted sense of morality. Shouldn’t the hurt person be the subject and focus of the apology? Who gives a shit if Joe and Sally Blow on the street feel better about themselves because Tom DeLay apologized publically for being pissed of at some judges. Now, I understand sometimes when you offend an entire ethnic group your apology has to be public, but fuck Dog, know when to shut up. You want to impress me? Fix your issues that led to you fucking up in the first place. Look inside yourself and learn from it and grow to be a better, more respectful person. Hell, we all make mistakes. I’m no saint and I have certainly had my own share of apologizing, but understanding why you’re apologizing is the key. Don’t say shit because you’re afraid someone won’t like you anymore. Say it because you realized, deep down, on some fundamental level, you were wrong and you could have potentially hurt someone else and then of course, fix it. Don’t pay me lip service because I certainly won’t pay you any. I also challenge anyone and everyone to hold me to the same standard.

Losfer Words...

2007-12-01T07:08:00.001-08:00

Disclaimer: Yes, this is yet another whiney self indulgent blog. Suck it up or don't read it. Losfer Words? No, not that old Iron Maiden song (or, at least the first half). I have been in an incredible vacuum regarding having anything to say. Now, I know I don’t always make sense, especially when I’m talking but I always have some comment or opinion or ridiculous diatribe about why Dijon sauce is somehow responsible for the closure of Las Vegas’s great old steak houses. Lately, though, I got nothing. I don’t even want to talk, just listen and when it appears that it is "my turn" to speak I can’t find even a snippet of anything useful, let alone interesting. Yet I can sit here typing and wax intellectual about things as inane as why I need to masturbate more or some silly free form poem about existance. I wonder if this is somehow tied to the idea of "soaking it in" because I’m leaving the Stardust soon? But even that doesn’t make sense as I will see some of these people in my own time when I’m not at work. Since, often times in the past, my mouth and the opinions that it enjoys to throw out there, have made me a bit of a pariah or worse, have gotten me into potential trouble, I must have come to the semi-conscious conclusion that it’s just better to keep my fool mouth shut, thereby not removing all doubt to my idiocy. Now, starting this new job, it’s important to have more discretion with my words and how I use them, but I can't say nothing? Also I feel like I may be alienating (ok, maybe too strong) some of the people close to me. Hell, I haven’t even said too much to Karl lately and his challenge to come up with utterly depressing sayings was kind of a godsend. So, having come to this realization, I should really work on relaxing a bit and remembering these are my friends and in their case talking was the basis for becoming friends in the first place. It’s kind of like the show Seinfeld, they all did some despicable things but they would always meet in that diner together because they were the types of friends that knew just how rotten they could be yet still liked each other.

Coiled Spring

2007-11-29T21:59:00.000-08:00

Warning: This is one of those self indulgent, pompous blogs that explores me and what I was feeling today. Today was a weird day. I felt anxious, real anxious. I couldn’t settle my mind down enough to write or even doodle at work. This strange anxious mood coupled with an unfocused sense of aggression and, oddly, enthusiasm, made me about as skittish as a cat trying to bury a turd on a marble floor. I couldn’t calm down to save my life. Physically, mentally or emotionally. The anticipation of starting a new job in a couple of weeks for (as far as I know and can tell) a great company in a position with a greater challenge coupled with the idea of missing my friends and working out again, seems like it sort of caught up with me. All day, I really didn’t even have much to say I just wanted to be close to my friends at work. Seriously, I would just sort of stand and stare. I walked into work with one friend and I was just staring at her and grinning which provoked a "What?" with a quizzical look on her face. I just giggled and said, "Nothing." in a weird lilting way. This scene soon replayed with my friend Bruce, then Karl, then Darby O’Gill. Darby O’Gill even said, "Ah, do you need a hug?" I laughed even louder. I guess I want to be close to these people because soon I won’t be able to. I want to soak it all in and not miss a moment. But it didn’t help this gnawing anxiousness. Despite this feeling, it never got out of control because I never felt this aggression toward anyone, just in general. It actually continued to build throughout the day and it got to the point where I began to bounce on the balls of my feet. It was unsettling but also felt great because I felt like my old, old self of about twenty years ago. Young, in great shape with boundless energy and enthusiasm. When I got to the gym I worked out probably much harder than I should have and ran so fast that my heart almost blew a gasket. Even then I felt like I could go farther and I did for a while. Oddly, even now, I don’t feel worn out, only like the edge is dulled. I still feel like earlier but a bit calmer. What the fuck? If I was drinking with Karl would that help? Or would that unfocused aggression manifest itself in negative ways? Ah hell, I’m not even sure what I’m talking about. Maybe I just need to masturbate more.

The Existential Tapestry

2007-11-27T22:06:00.000-08:00

What does it mean to exist? Is it simply to draw breath? To think of oneself as an entity, separate from other entities? Could it also be to feel empathy for others? To feel a prick on the thumb and the warm blood drip from the end of your nail, landing, bright red in contrast to the dull brown earth? Heart racing from the fear of pain and death. Hearts beating from moments of passionate love, inside of two intertwined bodies, striving to be one! The calm, tranquil emotion of love and acceptance. Are these things existence? To run along a green field, racing the very wind at your back for no other reason than to see how fast you can go. To laugh and love and paint and drink and enjoy all of your life! Ah! Is this existence?! Poetic metaphors aside, the bad times are part of it too. The tears and the pain. The sadness at loss, a great pit growing from within threatening to swallow you where you stand. The wracking of your chest, so heavy and hard you begin to think your bones will break from it. The desperation of loneliness, like a separate form of boredom that’s intensity can be so great we lose our minds to it. The moments of ugliness that can exist within our own souls. These are all existence. Yet, is it true that we are what we do and if we choose to live trite and meaningless lives, we ourselves are trite and meaningless? Yet we still exist. Is it right to search for meaning or do we give up too much of our existence by pursuing any obsession? Is it fair to say that this tapestry weaves itself yet we add our own undeniable patterns to it as well? Random events, actions and reactions, making the most or creating the worst. What pattern will you weave?

Momentary Lapse into Roads Less Traveled...

2007-11-27T09:13:00.000-08:00

I begin not knowing exactly what it is I’m trying to say. Blind rage from a wounded soul. Misplaced anger, guilt and resentment. Trying to feel and let things flow. Others play games that they can’t let go. No one is guilty yet all are at fault. Even me to expect what can’t easily be given. Even me to want what can’t normally be taken. This maelstrom of rage spins out of control. Locking me on a course to where I’ve been before. Every time I journey I learn the way even more. Little comfort comes from knowing the way. Little comfort comes from others along the path. Each time they take the trip as if it’s their first. When it all goes wrong or more accurately they realize their fault. They scream to the heavens about how it’s not fair. They just want to shout about why they are right. Yet inside of it all we rarely learn these lessons. We repeat the insanity for a drug like high. We are all wrong, we are all bad. Why can’t we flip it and go for what’s good? Are we doomed to mistake that which society tells us is right or worse, expected? Maybe we should try to tend to our fields, spending time and taking care. So the next time we reap what we sow, our harvest won’t be bitter but as manna to enrich our lives and our souls. I know what it is I want to say! I want better, within myself and for myself and that means for those around me as well. My anguish fades and the maelstrom subsides. Will you join me?

Interesting Image of the Day: H8PHUX Retro!

2007-11-26T17:01:00.001-08:00

Here's a stroll down memory lane. I got this lobby card from the very first show of Karl's band some years back. You can clearly see Karl and Danny and a few of the older members too. Enjoy.

Maybe I'm just crazy?

2007-11-24T22:35:00.001-08:00

I was thinking recently that it would be a damned fine idea to start my own religion. Think about it. I’m the messiah! I could tell people to do what I wanted and needed done, I would demand a tithing of various foods and three comely lasses every change of seasons, I could demand guys to fall on their own swords. We’re talking really cool stuff here! All joking aside, religion seems like the only way to really get stuff done. I mean with all of the evils in this world, crime, rape, incest, murder and the Bush Administration, it seems that really all you have to do is pick that one "hot button" topic and you will hold sway over a huge voter base. Need an example? Bush (and most other Republicans) promote big business at the cost of the environment and the individual, they are against the rights of the workers, they’re for the separation of classes leading to blatant financial discrimination (which, by the way, is becoming more prominent everyday), they’re foreign policy is literally shoot first and don’t bother with questions. But (and here is the big but!) they’re against abortion. Why? It’s killing babies! "We can’t murder babies!" the deeply religious and soulful people of this country cry. And, viola! Bush is elected and we not only have one of the biggest assholes that ever held that office but we also have many fully grown adults dying every day and abortions still happen (and would still happen regardless whether it was legal or not). The point is this; an issue like abortion will cause normally rational and sane people to act in a completely emotional and irrational fashion because they believe in some abstract form of higher power and the representatives of that power (i.e. priests, bishops, etc) say abortion is murder, even though the bible says nothing about abortion. Hence causing the right (or left as it were) candidate whom is very strong on social equality and justice, is against big business and is very much for the rights of the individual, to lose an election. All because of religion. Talk about your chest deep bullshit. Now that we have been reminded why religion is so damned powerful and scary, let’s talk turkey (no thanksgiving pun intended). I feel very strongly about a few very large issues in our world. These issues are not only large in scale, but large in repercussions for our future. If these became ingrained in some sort of religious doctrine maybe we could change some things. On to my list of top three religious tenants. I know you’re thinking global warming, but you’re wrong. The first one is overpopulation. I feel that this problem is the big one, as it were. We can see the effects already here in this country and we’re not even bad. Just research Bangladesh and you’ll know what I mean. Not to mention global warming is a by-product of population. Methane is a greenhouse gas and it’s release into our atmosphere is growing faster than even carbon-dioxide. Do you know what causes methane? Landfills and sewage. All of our shit (figuratively and literally). Most Christian religions promote lots and lots of children. We’re taught that children are a blessing (hell, even I sometimes hope to have one more someday. I do stress sometimes). It is partially instinct and partially conditioned that it is our right to have as many children as we want. Did you know that this idea initially came out of the dark ages from the church to promote repopulation after the various plagues? Don’t misunderstand, I even come from a fairly large family and I love them all. I’m only talking about a progressive idea for the future.
The next largest issue is the environment. I don’t pretend to have all of the answers regarding social economic problems but I do know that a whole helluva lot of sacrifices have to be made. We should be acting as stewards of the earth and not masters of it. The rate we’re going, they’re may not be much of an earth left in two hundred years and we’ll be masters of a dust ball.
The final issue of my fledgling religion is the rights of the individual. Ideally, you are responsible for your own behavior and your rights to act how you want will not be questioned as long as those actions do not put you in direct conflict with another’s rights as an individual. Of course the particulars will have to be worked out. Anyway, I guess this is partly a challenge also. Using these three (and only these three) tenants, can I/you/we build a pseudo religious/philosophical framework that can serve as a blueprint for social change? Does the idea seem a bit crazy? Too challenging or way outta your league? Don’t be silly. It may not be the best comparison but Hitler and his cronies formed the Nazi party over beers in a bar in Berchtesgaden and look at all the crap he did. Also, Jesus was one guy. At the very least it will be an interesting challenge. Send your manifestos to Adam-Lavey@hotmail.com and I’ll slap it all together and post it all on a later blog. Think I’m off my rocker. Let me know by whining in the comment section and continue to do nothing for anyone other than yourself. You want change? Fucking act like it! Note: I do realize this may seem like it goes against my very first blog but ask yourself who would this framework be for. Certainly not the successful anarchist.

Las Vegas Democratic Presidential Debate

2007-11-15T21:49:00.000-08:00

Yeah, yeah। I’m sure you’re fed up with all of the over analyzing and who said what, who scored more points, yada yada yada. I only want to touch on my personal beliefs of what was important about this debate and how each ones performances (yes, I did say performances) affected my decision regarding whom I will vote for. Preemptive note: Sen. Joe Biden hit it right on the head; which candidate will be strong enough in a difficult time to act. That’s it. So with that in mind...

John Edwards: A bit pretentious and certainly aggressive. I don’t think any of his comments were uncalled for, however। I do feel it’s ok to get a little angry over the state of our union and John Edwards seemed rightly so. He only really attacked Clinton and I think justly. He didn’t lose any points with me. I’m not sure he would be assertive enough in office, however.

Chris Dodd: Tried to stay out of any mudslinging and had some really great comments regarding the issues। Overall though, just didn’t get a sense of assertiveness or charisma from him. Certainly seemed seasoned if not wholly genuine. I admit, I kinda liked him though. Sadly, he is probably one of the better candidates but we’ll never know it. I certainly liked his stance on education.

Barack Obama: At times seemed uncertain (or at least was trying to carefully choose his words) but all in all not bad। I also feel he rightly criticized Clinton and I do like that he places himself firmly opposed to Clinton’s style of leadership. His foreign policy ideas seem solid but he does seem to be slipping into a more popular style of campaigning, talking and saying a whole lotta nothing.

Hillary Clinton: She loves to tout her record of fighting for universal health care। She loves talking about her years of experience. That’s really all she says and she says even less than Obama. But, honestly, let’s face it, she is a corporate lackey. Sorry, I believe it and no matter how much money she spends to change her image I wouldn’t vote for her even if it is turned into a gender issue.

Dennis Kucinich: Certainly seemed well versed in the politics of the day। Definitely not afraid to voice his views and opinions against others. Probably one of the more intellectual of the candidates (or at least seemed so tonight). Overall though, he just seemed a bit bitter. Don’t misunderstand, he is justified in that regarding our current President and I can be a bit bitter myself. Just not sure I want that for our next President. Then again, maybe with the power to act, he would be more positive.

Bill Richardson: This guy was loud, had some alternative views and wasn’t afraid to state those views। I liked him instantly. Despite his charisma, I didn’t agree with a lot of what he had to say but at least he said something. I think he would be a very assertive president but I think in a world where we very much need to reach out and revive our positive foreign policy agendas, Bill Richardson is a bit of an isolationist. Maybe if he runs in 2012 or 2016, hmm.

Joe Biden: A very engaging guy। By far one of the more seasoned politicians in the debate he also seemed one of the most genuine (second only to Richardson). Joe Biden was so seasoned that even with what little he did say, he seemed to imply volumes. I feel he has the will and desire to act. Joe Biden to me seemed the strongest of the candidates. Sadly, I’m not too sure what it is he stands for but then again, history proves that most candidates act differently once they get in office anyway.

Think I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about? Think I’m totally off base or a complete sexist because of my opposition to Hillary? Hell, don’t just sit there and fume, write me back and tell me what a douche’ I am. At least we’ll start some much needed dialog! By the way I wrote this instead of seeing the Shook Ones with Karl.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly...

2007-11-13T19:25:00.000-08:00

During the last few days my co-workers all found out that I was leaving the fabulous Stardust Hotel and Casino for greener pastures over at the Frontier Resort Casino. All of the congratulatory remarks made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But my analytical side made several observations about the reactions of everyone that knew and how they reacted. I can break the reactions down into three very distinct groups: The Good: "Congratulations!" These people looked me in the eyes when they said it and seemed at least fairly sincere. The Bad: "Really? Oh, ok." or simply said nothing at all. These people looked me in the eyes and did not hide behind social pleasantries nor half hearted positive remarks. These individuals were few but respectable in their actions. Finally, we have the Ugly: "Good for you." The funny thing about these sheep is that not a single one of them looked me in the eyes when they said it and every one of them said the same thing, "Good for you." as they glanced somewhere around my nipples, my shoes, somewhere in the distance or the worst, their shoes. Why are they ugly, you ask? Well, they are the true tools of society. They are set in the social machinations of what is acceptable yet lack any passion or empathy to care about anyone beyond themselves. Don’t misunderstand, there is no love lost between myself and the "Ugly" so labeled in this article. I expected their responses and in fact, a few of them are the main reasons I searched for employment elsewhere. I was amused by the details of their reactions and the fact that I was able to predict this group pretty accurately (probably why I didn’t care for them in the first place)। Of course some of the labeled "Good" ones could, in fact, be very effective tools but now I verge on over-analyzing. I’m not really trying to say anything with this blog (that I am conscious of) other than the observations and reactions of my co-workers and how it applies to my world view. You don’t like it, well then let me know why. But please support your argument and as Karl and I say, "Don’t be a Spirit-bee!"

PS Hell, I’m even going to see the Shook Ones so you had better fucking be there!

Stardust Memories...

2007-11-07T20:31:00.000-08:00

Every year at my job we get to evaluate our management team and provide feedback। These surveys are completely anonymous (or so we’re told). Usually it’s fairly constructive but often it’s like a game of, "What will they really fix?" Even so, most people are able to get some issues off of their chests and usually they bring up valid points. This last year we got a new Manager and our fairly new Department Head seemed to act like a third world dictator. These are my comments and Karl Bakla suggested I turn them into a blog. Since I’ve been ridiculously busy lately and I wanted to get a new blog up, I took his advice. Well, here it is...

Teamwork is the only thing that is working well in this department despite Senior Management's misguided attempts to the contrary (and due to the fact that we have a very good team that was in place before they arrived)। Although Senior Management believes they are doing what's best, they are not। Micro-management from my Manager breeds resentment in the Assistant Managers and employees, it is obvious in the way they act because he is not allowing them to even do the job they are getting paid for let alone progress and learn new skills. My Manager doesn't seem to understand that the floor has a rhythm of it's own and most people are pretty competent at their jobs and don't need to be told every little detail of how to accomplish a task. My Manager also overreacts when things do not seem to go smoothly creating additional chaos by sometimes making a situation worse. My Manager seems to hold grudges and singles people out. If two different employees bring up the exact same issue, one is treated with respect and the other is treated as a whiner and the issue is turned around to make the non-liked individual seem as if they are at fault, I have seen this happen during many meetings. Although Denny was fired because he screwed up, he was very much singled out and openly talked negatively about because he was on Family Medical Leave Act and used it often to call in sick or go home early. I feel this caused Denny to be written up for every little thing even if he should have been a little tighter on his work habits. I can't and don't want to imagine what having a sick family member is like but I would have thought our management would have been more empathetic. My Manager cannot seem to remember things very well and would benefit from the use of a daily planner, than when an issue comes up that he supposedly knew about, he would remember it and not overreact. My Manager also says things and makes promises almost daily with very little or no intent to follow through and seems to make those comments to pacify or placate the subject. My Manager and some (not all) Assistant Managers have openly objectified women, made fun of overweight people and others that are different yet can not seem to see that so many of the employees have individual strengths This is a terrible way to "set an example" is not positive at all and may explain some of the attitudes around here. My Manager also is a "stick in the mud" when it comes to meetings and award celebrations. He slows the meetings down and somehow sucks the fun out. He also really shows very little "spirit" by never participating in the award celebrations yet tries to force others to have fun and participate. Yeah, as if trying to force employees to have fun will help. I also don't understand how insisting that so many employees attend the award celebrations to celebrate guest service is a good thing since guest service very literally suffers while we are attending. It's insanity and shows that appearances are more important to my Manager than actual guest service. My Department Head and Manager have meetings to address issues but always seem to fall back into small things that they have improved around the workplace without ever really addressing some of the larger and more important issues to employees (like competitive hourly pay). My Department Head says that hourly pay is a Corporate issue and he can do nothing about this. I believe this is complete bullshit as he successfully reduced starting pay for new hires. Also my department is the largest income generator for our business yet every time we need something the answers always revolve around "Our budget doesn't allow for that". Again more bullshit as his bonus is tied to our budget and the answer from him should be "My bonus doesn't allow for that". I believe my Department Head has no credibility, integrity or ethics as he created a position that did not exist and hired a fellow co-worker from his previous business, then (to add insult to the already inflamed injury) hired that co-worker's husband as another manager. I thought pre-selection was illegal? I remember how the whole dynamic shifted among the Assistant Managers when all of this happened. They all respect the position, they do not respect the person that the Department Head is. Speaking of this new manager; doesn't he have to adhere to a dress code like the other managers? He always dresses borderline business casual yet never in compliance with the dress code that the other managers have told me they have to wear. Does he have special privileges because of his special position among the hierarchy? Last year after the survey my Department Head stated that he can tell whom wrote what comment on the anonymous feedback survey by the style it was written (why did he say this, it is not his place even if it's true) then I was indirectly accused of writing something about someone. Even if it were true this seems very unethical and makes me question my Department Head’s already shaky ethics and also my team leaders ethics. Several employees recently were put on Corrective Plans based off of a make-shift survey given to Assistant Managers rating all Employees on their individual strengths and weaknesses. The intent (as it was explained to me after the fact) was not to punish or get rid of anyone, but to improve their work habits. All of these employees were made to sign this Corrective Plan which states that the employee in question will be terminated from employment if they do not improve. This Corrective plan completely circumvented the normal disciplinary progression that leads to one losing their job. So let me understand this; Management puts several Employees on this Corrective Plan not because they have been written up or warned for any shortcomings but because Supervisors simply "felt" that these employees needed to improve। These employees are then told they will be terminated if they do not show improvement in these areas, even though that employee was never written up or warned on any of their failings. Bravo! What a morale booster! Regardless of the intent, the damage had been done. Holding an employee’s job over their head because their team leader did not effectively train nor maintain the employee’s skills and their Assistant Manager did not adequately check to ensure the employees skills were in place or being practiced correctly is simply bad leadership and bad business. My Department Head and Manager have ruined my morale and loyalty to this company as an employee. These issues are why I am actively searching for employment elsewhere.

I felt it may have seemed as if I was grinding an axe but others said it brought up some really good issues and hit many points dead on. Let me know what you think...

Underachiever

2007-09-21T21:46:00.000-07:00

Today I was called an underachiever. I’ve always been as proud of this label as; misfit, outcast, nerd, dork, geek or misanthrope. You see, to me they all mean the same thing. An unwillingness to submit to the machine (or wall if you prefer Pink Floyd’s analogy) and it’s singular ability to strip humans of not only their individuality but often their soul as well. In the case of the term "underachiever", to the average everyday Joe that has succumbed to the machine, it means that an individual has achieved in life, less than their potential. It can also mean anyone that performs to less than their potential. Potential what? I always get a kick out of that. Does that mean some semi-retarded yokel has less potential then me? Why? Isn’t this just another way to discriminate? I know lots of people dumber, uglier, crude-r, slower, fatter or hairy-r than me that have achieved some cultural defined greatness. Did they over-achieve? Maybe it was their fate? Take Tiger Woods (not that he falls into the above categories) some people think he has achieved greatness. Ha! Now that is funny! Greatness? At what exactly? Don’t misunderstand, I applaud and envy any person that can make a great living at a sport or a hobby. It is the post ‘70's American dream, after all. But greatness? Tiger Woods? Great at a game, but c’mon, it is a game. How about Teddy Roosevelt or Sir Richard Burton? The average WWII vet? Were they over or under achievers? My only point in all of this is to show how silly the term "underachiever" can be. All of us make our choices. Some are shit on more than others but ultimately we still decide which directions to take. Now, I have meandered around the real point of this blog. The person whom called me an underachiever is my dear team leader Harley Garvidson. Here is a man that is a few years younger than me and actually finished his degree. He has been complaining over the past two years about not being able to progress in his career field. He is literally a half of a step (not a whole but a half) above me in the corporate ladder that is the Stardust Hotel & Casino. He is bitter, petty, frustrated and shallow. He lacks professionalism and has no clue how to deal with subordinates or build a team. He is a poor motivator and alternates between playing the parts of Eeyore and Tigger. (Yes he probably is bi-polar) Karl Bakla and myself believe he may also be a closeted homosexual as he spends too much time, A.) Trying to convince Karl and I that we are gay and B.) Is homophobic. He is also a fairly talented singer and amateur voice artist. Here comes the punch line... Now, with all this in mind, has he over-achieved or underachieved?

Military Memoir

2007-09-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

Very recently a friend asked, after almost ten years invested, why I left the military. It was an honest simple question and one I was asked before. I answered with honesty, but strangely I didn’t even understand my entire answer. It made me think about that point in my life. I mean, I was about halfway to retirement. At the time (and still today) I felt as if I had nothing left to give the military and the military had nothing left for me. Yet, in it all, I was paid to do something that I love very much. No, not be a soldier, I hated that. Very much in fact. What I love to do is hike and enjoy nature. To be out in the natural world alone (or at least with only a few people) and just being. Essentially, my last couple of years in the military I was a section sergeant in charge of a LRRP and LP/OP team for an OPFOR unit somewhere in the deep desert. What does that mean? LRRP = Long Range Reconnaissance Patrol. LP/OP = Listening Post / Observation Post. OPFOR = Opposing Force. Hope that clears it up a bit. Anyway, before any more confusion arises. This was in the nineties, three full years before 9-11 and all the crap afterwards. My job essentially was, once a month or so, my team and I (2-4 men total) would be dropped off (by some vehicle or another) out in the desert. We would hike several miles to a hill or small mountain top with all of our gear. Find a good place to watch a given area and wait around for the attack (wargames) and then report enemy positions and movement. That was it, and those memories are some of my fondest in the military. My other job was very administrative and was about 75% of military life. I hated it and had been hating it for two solid years by that point. Ironically (yes ironically not coincidently, or is it?) these are some of the worst memories of my military career. I distinctly remember considering, upon my separation from active service, joining the National Guard and feeling physically ill at the prospect of continuing to wear my uniform. Yes, I had the distinct physical sensation of having to vomit. As I stated, I strongly felt I had nothing left for the military. Why do I dredge all of this up? You ask as you sit there snidely judging me. I really only want to understand why also, because I don’t. Is it my gypsy blood (yes my masculine genetic donor was a gypsy, my real father is the one that adopted me) that curses me to forever need to roam? Is it my artist’s personality that feels it must constantly try to experience to things? Is it some weird sense of preeminence about my future (that’s yet to happen)? Honestly I don’t know. This blog is simply one of those examinations of myself. However pompous that may seem, I don’t really care. I do know this. I have some really fantastic memories of how beautiful the deep desert can be. The morning sun slicing across the landscape, creating shadows that highlight every detail of the terrain. Kangaroo Rats scurrying about over my gear and boots as if we weren’t even there. How a full moon can make that stark desert ground bright with eerie blue light and a visibility, similar to twilight except for the black sky, for miles. Observing packs of coyotes stream from their holes and move in a haunting choreography as they run. Seeing the stars blaze in a moonless night and truly understanding how the Milky Way earned it’s name while also comprehending why ancient astronomers found such fascination and mystery in the night sky. These memories I will always cherish and I realize I may never experience again (at least not to that level of immersion). When I stop and try to feel it all. Truly let myself feel what it meant to have left the military. It’s not the practical things I miss. It’s not the discipline nor the pay nor chance for a retirement check. It’s those lonely desert nights, staring up at the stars in awe. Flipping through my battered little star chart guide which my great love had bought me, just for those nights. I existed there on those hills, full of life yet empty and clean. It was as if I was as close to God as I would ever get.

Quick Hit: Fiction or Reality?

2007-09-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

I was listening to NPR today (well, everyday actually) and one of my favorite shows, Fresh Air with Terry Gross was on. Terry was interviewing Charlie Savage regarding his new book: Takeover. I‘ll let you click on it to learn more. The frightening things is... At what point did our nation become part of a plot in a Space Opera Fantasy film? I mean, what the hell is going on here? Anyway, you could just watch the movies, probably be quicker anyway. Now, part of the idea of the book is to make the office stronger from now on and into the future. My only question is why? But, why, however, is for another blog...

The Un-Dead Godzilla Walks!

2007-08-20T20:07:00.001-07:00

Disclaimer: This is one of those blogs that is pure internal speculations and observation. If you don’t want to be bored by my own self examinations which are then presented on this blog (which does seem very self indulging and pompous) then read no further, because blah blah blah, blah blah... Then again, if you can relate, maybe you should examine yourself, as well...

Lately it has occurred to me that I have a somewhat unhealthy fascination of living out an undead fantasy of being a Last Man On Earth (or fittingly called Lamoe, pronounced "lay-mo" in History of World War Z by Max Brooks) with the exception of having my loved ones and friends all helping me to carve out the brave new tomorrow on the ashes of our old civilization. Of course it would be a Utopia based on left-wing socialist beliefs with an over healthy respect for the rights of the individual, but that’s another story. Where was I? Oh yes, survival fantasy. Anyway, this fantasy that perpetrates somewhere within my subconscious is because of some set of beliefs or ideas or feelings I have had about life, society or the world in general. I also have a love of Godzilla and zombie movies. This question was skipping from sub to actual consciousness while I was watching Godzilla 2000 the other day. Then it hit me! Right at the scene where Godzilla (having just defeated the alien menace Orga) walks up to the building where the humans, led by Katagiri (the shrewd government civilian commanding the military forces against Godzilla and Orga) are standing on the roof. Godzilla walks up then swipes the spot where Katagiri was standing. Godzilla proceeds to do some damage to the rest of the city leaving the rest of the humans to bear witness. Godzilla movies appeal to me because he is a force of nature that cannot be controlled, bargained with, manipulated or bought. He mostly seeks solitude but has no problems with letting humanity know when they/we have gotten too big for our britches. He is the ultimate individual with a healthy does of mindless god-like power thrown in. Ok, ok, but what does this have to do with last man on earth fantasies? Well, it stems from the idea that humanity, society and the world we live in has co-opted many of the things that make individuals what they are. In turn, zombies and (to a lesser extent) Godzilla are great equalizers. Godzilla reminds us that all of us are weak and fundamentally the same in the eyes of nature. Zombies, specifically, bring society down to it’s base roots. In the most popular and poignant zombie films, society is destroyed or in the process of being destroyed. They make the strong, weak and make the weak strong. All that is left is survival. What does all of this mean? Well, I guess I just don’t like society that much. Probably more to the actual truth is that I don’t like people that exploit others. From the lowly thief and mugger all the way up to Dick Cheney. A zombie holocaust that tears down the foundations of society would also tear down the corridors of power. It’s just escapist fantasy and not true (at least not yet) so we can only change society by first changing ourselves then changing our culture to one of mutual respect. And then, blah blah blah... Anyway, I guess that’s why Godzilla and zombie films appeal to me so much.

Best birthday gift.....Ever!

2007-08-18T19:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah I know, it’s a pretty bold proclamation but, as far as objects go, it is the truth. No! I’m not proclaiming my love for the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons. I’m talking about a present I got recently for my birthday. Admittedly, the person I got it from I have only hung out with a handful of times. But, wow! When I received it I was floored. For starters, it is the visual expression of an idea created by a true individual. It is very relevant to some of the things I’m going through in my own life. And artistically, I love the use of colors (or lack thereof) to express the intent of the piece. Thank you, Kurt!

A Need for a Quest...

2007-08-16T22:30:00.001-07:00

My partner, good friend and sometimes alleged gay lover Karl Bakla and myself had a deep, meaning ful conversation about how we were going to spend the rest of our lives. We wondered aloud what kind of challenges and obstacles we would face. We speculated about what issue, desire or goal would become our personal holy grail. Then it came to us, clear as day or a burning bush from God herself (No, not the lyrics for Jungle Love) We decided with great trepidation and uncertainty that irregardless of anything else that we may do, no matter how incoherent we may articulate, we must, nay are compelled, NAY it is our solemn duty to find the Holy Grail!!! Yes the actual Holy Grail, the very same one that Jesus drank out of, the very same cup that is a metaphor for youth, nature and immortality, the same one that Nigel Terry drank from in that flick about that sword thingy, the very same cup that Indiana Jones found than subsequently lost saving that hot blonde chick! Hell yeah! First, of course we’ve gotta find Kilgore Trout. He’ll be able to get us started in the right direction. From then on I’m sure we’ll meet a few modern day Nazis (which, of course makes them much less competent than the originals). We’ll probably restart the order of the Templar Knights, mostly because we’ll get really cools outfits, of course. Also we’ll get cool devices to help unlock those really wicked puzzles, probably face a vicious albino and who knows what else. Ultimately, it won’t be about the grail, but about the quest and it will be cool! Hell, we’ll probably get to meet the Pope himself!

Quick Hit: The Real Ralphie!

2007-08-16T07:42:00.000-07:00

Because as a kid I liked Peter Billingsley as a kid on Real People (though I don't remember the show too much) I felt it important to distinguish him from the evil slime that his Karl Rove. Oddly enough, Peter's more recent photo reminds me of another evil; our own Mitchell "Goebbels" Marr at the Stardust Hotel and Casino in the fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada. Weird.

Call me Turd Blossom, or Flush....

2007-08-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

Karl Rove (aka Ralphie aka Turd Blossom) has resigned. He’s doing it for the good of his family. Wow, how noble. Oh yeah, and how convenient. Karl Rove is moving to Florida, by the way. Does anyone else realize this is merely an attempt to get clear of George dubya and work on Jeb for 2012. Sound far fetched? Hmm, let’s see... College pranks that included stolen letterhead to ruin a democratic function. Multiple accusations directed towards political opponents, while baseless, can be argued that had devastating effects on those same opponents campaigns (look up Mark White, John McCain, Robert Edgeworth and Ann Richards). Oh yeah and there was that whole Cheney aid shooting. Don’t know that one? Hmm, may I suggest researching Armstrong Ranch owners Karen Armstrong and her dad Tobin Armstrong. It’s not that any of this can be proven, Karl Rove seems to be made of Teflon. These details have surrounded everything he has been involved in and continue to do so. He has also been accused of being delusional because of his stance on the Bush administration having lowered spending, even though the opposite is clearly true. Delusional? Ha, I believe the only ones delusional about Rove are the ones that call him so. Magic is simply the art of misdirection, get the subject to look one way while your doing something important in the other direction. Anyone that believes Karl Rove, Dick Cheney or any of the other Fourth Reich members are doing anything except making it so they themselves are ridiculously filthy rich and powerful, forever, are the delusional ones. In my opinion, none of this has to do with, Jesus, terrorism, world peace or the safety of American citizens. It has to do with power and money. It’s a big game for big egos and it has destroyed what America once was. It has destroyed cultures and it has created enemies which will be long lasting, and it has been done on purpose (but that’s another blog). Karl Rove is leaving for now, I can only hope he won’t be back (Jeb ‘12). He is good for some humor though, he was quoted a saying, "I realize that some of the Democrats are Captain Ahab and I’m the great white whale." Funny stuff as he clearly misheard them criticizing his weight, skin tone and the fact he is a dick. Also, to be Captain Ahab, you have to be hopelessly obsessed with something that isn’t true and to be Moby Dick you have to be a large, mutant whale. Well he got half of it right but the truth is Democrats aren’t obsessed with Karl Rove, they have good reason to go after him. We can only hope one day this photo will become truth.

Quick hit: Anti-drug advocate

2007-08-16T06:11:00.000-07:00

In my own life, my brother has been the single largest and most influencial anti-drug advocate I know. Without even a word against drugs he has forced me to commit myself to never wanting to engage in any kind of long term or habitual use. Now, I won't pretend to say that I never tried drugs. I've tried a few but never with any kind of regularity (okay, except alcohol, caffiene and aspirin). His dogged pursuit to keep me clean and, "just say(ing) no!" through the years continues to this day. He's a pillar, well more like an erect penis, well how about a dick. When we were younger he smoked marijuana. Habitually and (it seemed) constantly. He was also a supreme asshole. I don't mean he was just some other knock-off asshole in the vein of your boss, I mean when it came to assholes, he was royalty. His "use" continued into adulthood, as did his evolution as an asshole. (btw: I love fried eggs!) He got married, had kids, yada, yada, yada. Appearently, his wife was going to leave him regarding his marijuana addiction, a few months of turmoil and viola! Suddenly here was this nice, friendly and geniune (I did say genuine) guy at all of the family gatherings. Also, I noticied for the first time in my life, my brother had whites to his eyes. The amazing thing is that this has continued for many years now. I have a brother and not an asshole that is part of the family. And all of this pro-drug propaganda about marijuana being a mild drug that makes you mellow, ha. Don't misunderstand, I'm for the legalization of it, but that's another blog. Recently, my brother met myself and other family members somewhere. He was being an asshole. Meanspirited, short, petty and rude. Then I noticied his eyes had no whites. Thankfully, this attitude (and his pink eyes) didn't last long. It was a good reminder for me why I don't use drugs. Once he's created, I guess you can't keep Mister Hyde locked up forever.

Job Security

2007-07-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

Today at Seattle’s Best Coffee I witnessed my supervisor casually throw their expired cigarette butt on the ground (which I noticed lay many other butts, all of the same brands of other co-workers) when I challenged this person they just shrugged. Later on when my supervisor told me to go on break, she said, "Before you go on break, clean-up outside and pick up all of those cigarette butts." I chuckled and looked at her realizing she was completely serious. Then I laughed loudly shaking my head and said, "I don’t smoke and I won’t clean-up your cigarette butts." She became annoyed but was wise enough to back off. Seattle’s Best is a second job for me and she knows it so she was unwilling to push too much. Later that day at my main job at the Fabulous Stardust Hotel and Casino on the Las Vegas Strip, I witnessed one of our wonderfully considerate guests toss a piece of crumpled up paper onto the casino floor. I politely challenged them by pointing out that a trash can sat merely six feet away. The guest shrugged and said, "Job security." and walked away. Hmm, what an interesting coincidence. I told my good buddies Karl Bakla and Chris Blumpkin about this and we immediately fell into the whimsical fantasy discussion that co-workers often do. It went a little something like this... "Hey, job security, pal!" stated the guest with a stiff smirk worn on his face. Adam grabbed the guest and slammed him to the ground then proceeded to kick the guest. "There you go you son-uva-bitch! How’s that for job security!" Adam continued to kick, "Now the Security and the police have job security in arresting me!" The kicks continued, breaking the guests ribs "And the Paramedics have job security driving here and transporting your sorry ass to the hospital!" Adam did not lessen the assault, "And the Doctors and Nurses that treat you." Adam then began working the face shattering the guests teeth, "And the Oral Surgeon that has to repair your teeth! Ha-ha-ha-ha" A mad glint shown in Adam’s face as security tackled him. Yeah, good times. Good times.

Turn a Negative into a Positive or Fuck you and the Horse you rode in on.

2007-07-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

It’s no secret to myself and the people that know me that I can be moody, negative and sometimes just downright angry. Too often in my past it has been a liability. It’s a fair argument and an accusation I can not deny. But why? Do I focus on the negative too much? Am I just so dysfunctional that I can’t see things any other way? Is life, our world or people in general so despicable and base that I can’t stand the hypocrisy? Well, I think it’s a combination, but am I wrong for believing this way? Maybe. I mean it certainly doesn’t put me into the norm of people in general. I have been questioning my thinking lately, y’know, just trying to sort of join the masses and get along and be part of the world at large. I mean, it would certainly make my life easier. Then, as if a sign from God him/herself (and I’m not opposed to this idea) in a conversation with one of my co-workers regarding our (humanity as a whole) mistreatment of the environment and it’s impending (if somewhat theoretical) consequences. My co-worker stated, "Oh look at the bright side, we have so many things to do and watch and make our lives comfortable that people in the past never had. You’ve gotta turn the negative into something positive." I paused, smiled and using my best Stardust trained acting skills, said, "Yeah, I guess you are right." But here is what I was thinking... "At what cost you peice of shit! Fuck you! You are a piece of fucking garbage and it’s people like you that are causing the world to die! Fuck you, you fucking fuck!" After my anger subsided (it only took three weeks this time) I realized that person is both right and wrong. You see, that person is wrong because they justify ignoring what is wrong as a need to simply be positive. They aren’t doing anything positive, they are simply avoiding the issue so that they can go on being happy about their life. Coincidently, that person is also right because it is vitally important to turn a negative into a positive. It was a painful reminder of my dysfunction and that I need to focus on doing what little I can to take care of the issue. As for issues out of my control, I think it is both frightening and dangerous to not be mad or upset about what is wrong with the world. If we simply ignore it to feel better about life, we are failing as responsible humans. Now, I do understand that my particular style of broaching a subject with others is not always conducive to progressive and constructive action and it’s something I must continue to refine. (How's that for coherent, if verbose, wordmanship?) That’s one of my crosses. What is much more important (and mentioned in a previous blog) is that we seem to have lost our ability to sustain our rage. (This is not my quote but I was unable to find the source). I mean does anyone remember the big push to improve our environment way back in the late ‘60's and ‘70's? What the hell happened? Oh yeah, most of those people sold out (Ralph Nader excepted). They exchanged their passion for comfort because their own depression era parents didn’t have that comfort. Did the hippies and progressives of that day even have that passion to begin with? I mean their own parents old school values won out so I argue that those movements of that bygone era lacked passion and were merely rebelling against the establishment. They didn’t really want change, they wanted acceptance. Bastards! I know what you’re thinking, "What the hell kind of tangent did you get sidetracked onto!" Well, I thought it was obvious. If you are truly angry and want things to change, don’t dwell on it, change it. Tell that ignorant fuck that likes to live with their head in the sand to fuck off and go out their and really make something positive happen. Don’t know what to do? It’s okay, start by reading more, paying attention to the news more (not FOX though, unless you good at critical thinking and want a laugh) and getting involved in local government, the rest will take care of itself. "Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt." - Clarence Darrow (1857-1938)

Happiness is bliss!

2007-03-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

Recently I was accused of not being a happy person because of my last couple of blogs (and probably a few scattered here and there). Hmm? What an interesting question to ponder. Am I happy? Your fucking A right I’m happy!!!! MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA ha ha ha! I’m so fucking zippity doo da happy, I should be in a loony bin!!! What is happiness anyway? Is it a state of the mind? A state of the soul? A state of the physical being? Is it a combination of all three or even different states for different people? Are people happy when they smile all of the time? Naw, that’s bullshit because I’m paid to smile all damned day at my job, it doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. How many spoiled children do you see that are happy? I mean, look at those horrible spoiled teens on that Mtv show, are they happy? I know their parents aren’t. Does money make you happy? I know a very rich man that comes into the Stardust all of the time, he is quite simply one of the most miserable fucks I have ever seen. He’s not mean, but you can see he’s unhappy because he wears it like a winter coat. With that said, does money make you unhappy? Happiness is probably something much more intangible and I don’t really know how to define happiness in the entire context of the world. I know what defines it for me. “Wait,” you think, “you didn’t actually tell us if you are happy!” I guess I can only reply with... Are you happy? Is happiness for you defined by short term gratification or the realization of long term goals? What makes you happy and what are you doing to get there? Who are you to even ask me if I’m happy? Why is my happiness even your concern? Name one fucking artist in the history of all of mankind that is worth a shit in the art they express and I’m willing to bet, they aren’t very happy people. Does it mean they are unhappy? No, it doesn’t. However, I don’t believe that angst is reserved solely for artists. (Maybe tortured would be a more accurate description) I don’t believe anyone is happy all of the time. It’s simply not going to happen. Happiness is a part of the human condition, it is not the entire human condition. So, back to the original charges of me being happy or not... Quite simply, the answer is... sometimes.

The Wailing Figure

2007-03-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

A figure weeps alone in the yard
Surrounded by mists that forever swirl
Always changing, never at rest
It is within these mists that lovers are lost
Friends are found and lives come and go
It is not this passing that creates sorrow
But the realization of what it means
The lost moments of time
Slipping away beneath our grasp
Not feeling all that we should
Not being all that we could
During the moments together
Fleeting realities that drift away
Always lost and sometimes found
A wandering thread of interrupted loneliness
One can only aspire to cherish these moments
How to hold on and when to let go
With love and honesty
Sometimes not alone in the yard

Farewell to the Outlander

2007-03-08T18:38:00.000-08:00

Farewell my friend. From our mutual interest in Mythbusters to our almost fledging RenFaire guild, you will be missed. We weren't very close this last year and a half but we always remained friends. One of the more interesting people I have ever known. I'll never forget our night on the Strip during New Years when we really had no business being out there on a night like that, the best partner I ever had during that event. I have fond memories of you sitting in the briefing room before work, tinkering away on your latest piece of chain mail and how you would sit in back and lob "friendly" insults at all of us while we sat in the living room playing our game. Life isn't fair and you always met it with a stiff lip and humor. What has happened is a terrible reminder of how fragile all of our lives are and how we must cherish the simple moments with each other. Too young, my friend, you were too damn young.

Some people want to wish you a Happy Birthday!

2007-02-26T07:13:00.000-08:00

T. Estabella,
Here’s to your birthdays getting better and better.

Some days, you just wanna burn it all.

2007-02-24T21:15:00.000-08:00

Round and round they go!

2007-01-20T00:47:00.000-08:00

Some people really don't know how to do anything else. They have convinced themselves that they are somehow better, more knowledgeable and rightious about all aspects of life, they forget that they usually only learn things through humility. No folks, I'm not talking about Christians, although most seem to make up a large percent of the type I'm talking about. I'm referring to all close-minded, self aggrandizing, pompous asses in the world. Unfortunately, it seems like they make up about 95% of all of us. I was a victim and I'll admit I have my bouts, but through treatment, I have been able to live with it and function more outside the ring than inside. Justifying to themselves and those that pat their asses why they are right. Endless games of "Ring Around the Rosy". Never stopping to look around. Always assuming their game is the best and they need nothing else. Sad, really.

Here is a little poem I copied from a movie I liked...

Fuck, fuck, fuck, mother mother fuck, mother mother fuck fuck, mother fuck, mother fuck, noynch noynch noynch, and it goes on a bit more, but this line is my favorite.

One more thing, if I'm going to hell, I can take comfort in the fact that most of you are going with me. Because none of us have a clue.

The New Way Forward is Two Steps Back?

2007-01-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

Bush unveiled his plan for Iraq yesterday, and boy, what a doozy! More of the same but now with more troops! Wow, that’s absolutely incredible! Hasn’t Bush been strutting around for almost two months supposedly taking the time to understand the problem better, talking with experts and laymen alike, getting all of this different input to formulate his new way forward in Iraq, (Coincidently called, “The New Way Forward”) while also giving his new Secretary of Defense time to understand the issue better? His plan turns out to essentially be, well, more of the same. Yknow, it reminds me of that scene in the beginning of Ghostbusters, when Bill Murrey’s character looks at Dan Ackroyd’s character after they got chased from the library by the first ghost, “’Get her!’, that was your big plan?” then chuckles. Is this some sort of joke? Americans don’t want a troop surge. Many experts agree that some kind of temporary troop surge is necessary, what they don’t agree on are the reasons. Regardless (or irregardless, if you like that sort of thing) I feel most Americans and politicians understand that a temporary troop surge is immanent. I also know most Americans and politicians expected a plan to try and fix this wonderfully tragic mess we caused called Iraq. But Bush’s, “...more of the same and we’ll see” rhetoric really upset many people. Hell, even staunch republicans were ripping into (I’m not exaggerating) Secretary of State Rice when she presented the (lack of) plan to the Senate. I think if Bush would have simply provided a loose timeline along with some political plans to deal with Sunnis, Shiites and Kurds, he would have been met with some approval. Bush, if you read this (Yeah, that’ll happen) you’re legacy is already shot, quit thinking about your place in history and do what’s right. The sad part of all this is Iraqis continue to suffer, they are paying the price. When I think about this aspect of it a lump enters my throat and I feel very disgusted. I understand a temporary troop surge is necessary, I understand things need to get better and fast. I get it. What I don’t get is when Bush presented this “plan” to his advisors, one of them didn’t have the courage to tell him he was going to come off like a complete fucking idiot, that he is wrong and the American people expected more. Or is it that his bull headed Texas Longhorn attitude scared all of the good people away. Yeah, I remember Colin Powell too. A senator made the comment yesterday that, “...this is the worst foreign affairs blunder since Viet Nam.” I believe he was mistaken, it’s much worse and getting worse still. When we got mixed up in Viet Nam, it was during the cold war, it was a conflict of ideals. War was already raging. Now, there is no great political enemy. Al Qaeda was not in Iraq. There was relative peace (albeit oppressive) in the region. We disregarded the United Nations. We acted like an imperial power with dreams of growing the empire veiled in democratic promises and high moral standards (yet Sudan and Somalia have been in worse shape for much longer). America has been lucky in that world opinion of us has usually been pretty good and also the realization that our government changes every four years helps other countries and cultures excuse our blunders a little more quickly. This time, I’m not sure we’ll be so lucky.

Sweatshop Superstar!

2006-12-15T05:41:00.000-08:00

Do you think he knows where his shoes are made? Do you think he cares? Do you think he has been bought off with part of the $150 price tag? No matter which way you cut it, he's just another talented young man joining the status quo instead of trying to make a difference. If he found out the truth do you think he would react like Joe Cooper? Is it fair to judge him for being successful (even on the backs of foreign factory workers treated with lower standards than in the U.S.)?

Going the Distance...

2006-12-11T07:45:00.000-08:00

Ah yeah! Rocky returns to the ring for one more fight. I mean who hasn’t wanted to run up those steps in Philly, I know I have and next year I may get my wish. I’ll admit, the thought of another Rocky movie made me chuckle inwardly. “Yeah, sure.” I thought and rightly so. It has been sixteen years since the horribly disappointing Rocky V. Not a bad story just badly executed and a really ridiculous ending. As Rocky Balboa’s release date grows closer, I can’t help but feel a sense of anticipation. I want to see this movie. I want to see a character that I love, end with dignity. I admit it, I love Rocky and everything he represents. It’s not about glitz, glamour or the violence of competition boxing. It’s about a man, a loner, out in the world doing the best he can and doing something he loves. Earning respect, not by playing others rules, but by simply being the best he can be. He’s an everyman that isn’t the smartest, isn’t the fastest and isn’t even the toughest (Okay, he does have an iron jaw) but he certainly has the biggest heart. Sure, he’s just a character, but you can relate to him and you can feel for him and you can root for him because despite the forces conspiring to keep him down he still finds a way to come out on top. The great thing about this movie is I don’t even need Rocky to win to enjoy it, I just want the character get a good send off.

Doldrums

2006-12-08T21:13:00.000-08:00

Stuck in the doldrums
Left to ride it out
It goes nowhere
The empty and the full
Drifting without purpose
An absense of course
Waiting for the wind
To sail away free

Mood is for cattle!

2006-11-28T18:48:00.000-08:00

Yes, someone once said, “Mood is a thing for lovers and cattle.” Wow, great words. I’m all out of words right now, and, apparently not in the writing mood. Or, at least I haven’t been. But, alas, I had better post something or I will be compared to Crasskins in frequency of posts. (In his defense he put up two in one week! Wow!) Anyway, I haven’t really been in an expressive mood lately. I have been doing some writing though, just not for the blog. Shhh, I’ve been doing serious writing. Seriously, though, even that has been a struggle. I don’t know if I’d call it writers block, per se. I can still write something, it just isn’t very good. I try to trudge through it and hopefully come out at the other end. Even typing this silly little post seems somehow awkward and labored. My wit seems dull and my mood dark (no, not self pity dark, more like mean spirited dark) Actually I feel a bit like an Ork. No, not the Tolkein Orcs from Lord of the Rings (although Orks were based from Orcs) more like the Warhammer 40k version. If you don’t know what that is, look it up, there is a lot of material on the internet. Well, I’ve probably meandered around long enough to make some kind of post, pointless, obscure and retarded but a post none the less. This whole post reminds me of 10th grade writing class, just trying to fill up the page with enough words to get a D, then I can go back to daydreaming and picking daisies.

Finally...

2006-11-07T08:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, without any ado, here are the Challenge! results...

Adam LaVey:

Haiku:

Dreams drift in the dark
Like shadows flitting about
They are always there
Memories of a lost time
It is the heart’s one true pain

Artistic Inspiration:

Up until about 1997 I was always a pretty scientific minded person. I really didn’t care for art and didn’t really understand it (at least not real art). I did grow up in Las Vegas and as such, I became a victim of a cultural vacuum (It is better now in Vegas, but not much) always exposed to the gaudiest and most horrendous examples of art, some of which were almost twenty years old! In 1997 I took a trip to New York City. Someone very dear to me took me to the Museum of Natural History, it was incredible. After we were done I felt a strange curiosity to walk across Central Park to the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art. Seeing real works of art, up close was one of the greatest moments in my life. To see the texture of the oil on canvas, to see sculptures, up close. So many things to see and in so little time, it was a revolution inside my soul that took years to complete. As it was, we actually had to leave the museum before we were finished. It wasn’t any one specific piece that stuck with me (although I was partial to oil paintings), but rather the experience of seeing bits of artists souls trapped within their work. I have unfinished business in New York City.

Role Model:

Well, I won’t say I haven’t had role models in my life. Admittedly, though, there are few specific people that come to mind, but rather (like my friends) it’s traits of others that appeal to me. I do have one role model, someone I used to love and then hate. Someone I believed to be real then I believed never existed. Someone, who by definition can never exist and evolves as time goes by. Regardless, I can aspire to be that man. When I was younger I had a strong idea of what kind of man I wanted to be. I thought I was that man, for a long time. I lied to myself just to think I was that man. As I grew older and the pain of my choices mounted I began to hate that man. When pride was finally lost (not all pride, but certainly foolish pride) I had a better understanding of who that man was, and what kind of man I am. I started to understand that I would need to change so that someday I could meet and be that man. I also learned that the ideal of that man would have to change also, or I would never meet him.

Karl Bakla

Haiku:

Doing Haikus Suck
This Idea Is Fucking dumb
Here is My Haiku

(to be honest with you I thought Haikus were lame at first, but I had a good time writing Haikus with Adam that one day, so my mind has changed, thanks Adam!)

Artistic Inspiration:

Favorite Artistic work: Husker Du (New Day Rising) SST Records. This is tough question & I don’t know if this is my favorite piece of artist work but I know for sure it’s one of them, but since this slab o’ vinyl had such a profound affect on me, I’ll pick it. When I first heard New Day Rising was at a time after I already dove head first into my obsession with punk, but when it came to punk besides the Ramones or Sex Pistols I didn’t listen to much of the punk rock, I listened to hard core punk. I don’t know if you are familiar with 80’s hard core punk, but it’s a lot less rock ‘n roll influenced as it is influenced by sheer speed, energy, & anger, it was the perfect soundtrack for skateboarders who just wanted to skate but were fucked with for being different. After a long day of being bullied by ass holes norm types with the teachers backing them because you were weird nothing was more refreshing than hearing Fuck Authority by Wasted Youth. For most of my friends & I being fucked with was a daily thing to deal with on top of what ever shit you had to deal with at home, luckily for me it was never nearly as bad as my friends, this shit made you callused. Being hard was your only defense, from our harsh language, to our intimidating fashion, to our hard core music, any sign of softness was weakness. It got to a point that a little bit of teasing was all we needed to enter a fist fight because you let this motherfucker fuck with you then everyone else will. If it wasn’t the ass hole gang members on the streets it was some bone head nazi skinhead gang at a hard core show jumping you, between school & the punk shows my parents didn’t know what to do with me. I’m sure my parents thought their son would one day soon die. I was to hard, stubborn, or stupid, to back down from a fight. You tell me I can’t do this or that, well then I’m gonna walk right up to you & smack you in the face to inform you I will do it. Sometime in the middle of this mind set I read several times in Maximum Rock ‘n Roll about some band called Husker Du, I saw graffiti of them on ditches, I was even told by an older punk, you like hard core you got to hear Everything Falls Apart By Husker Du. So one day I ventured to the Underground Record Shop & to my delight I saw a copy of a Husker Du cassette, no it wasn’t Everything Falls Apart, it was New Day Rising. The first thing I noticed was the art work, it was two silhouettes of dogs walking on a beach with a beautiful sunset, I thought to myself “this doesn’t look very hard core”, but I bought it any way since it was not every day I ran into a Husker Du album. It wasn’t until a few days later till I listened New Day Rising. I remember my dad was driving me to LA It was dark out side & I laid in the back of the van listening this album with my eyes shut. I thought to myself “this doesn’t sound very hard core, it sounds gay”. Even though I thought it didn’t sound very hard core, it still had that same force hard core had but it was almost melodic, it was almost music for fuck sake. This album opened my eyes that maybe there was something more to punk that just the sheer speed, & the fuck you lyrics, don’t get me wrong those are still the two best aspects of it, but just maybe you can have a little more. Today there are lots of examples of punk band’s doing things a little bit more experimental or what ever you want to call it, but I still think this is the best. In the world of punk rock mosh pits, & combat boots, these guys traded the Doc Martens for fanny packs & kicked more ass than the tough guys. A true punk classic & you are a dick for not owning a copy of this! I’d write more but like most good punk rock things I have a short attention span, you bore me!

Other musical honorable mentions
Samiam (Billy)
Ramones (Rocket To Russia)
Dillinger Four (Mid Western Songs Of The Americas)

Artist I enjoy:
Winston Smith
Tom Of Finland
Raymond Pettibon
Robert Williams

Writers I enjoy
Abbie Hoffman
Kinky Freidman
Howard Zinn

Role Model:

As for roll models: I don’t have any roll models, life in general influences me, as well as my friends & Family. Growing up as a punk rocker has made me an anti-hero. If you want something that has influenced me the whole punk rock & skateboarding culture has made me one social outcast, who doesn’t give a fuck if people like me or not, but this could go on for ever, I got to go I have to put another coat on my latest painting your gonna love.

Crasskins or The Blogging Alchemist

Haiku:

Late for the challenge
Hope Adam is not upset
Procrastination

Artistic Inspiration:

When probed about my favorite artistic work, I immediately thought of Fight Club the novel. Though this answer is somewhat stereotypical, you can’t argue that the novel wasn’t amazing. The amalgamation of so many issues was fascinating and seemed to resonate with people of various stripes. I mean, the novel deals with alienation, anarchy, identity confusion, anti-consumerism, gender role confusion, existentialism, self-destruction, the death of God…really so much. Seriously, how could you not love that fucking book? Other notable works that I really appreciate include the Crass album Best Before 1984, Minor Threat’s Complete Discography and just about everything by Vonnegut.

Role Model:

I found the role models issue to be the most difficult. I think this is because I don’t have role models. Instead, I have something more like role attributes. I mean, to model oneself after another life is to say that you think that life or that person embodies how a life should be lived. Yet the only types of individuals that you could argue should have all their characteristics repeated in others are generally either fictitious or shrouded in mythos (Superman, Jesus). So, I pick and choose attributes from others that I find inspiring. For example, I admire Karl Bakla for his uncompromising stances on many issues. I admire the fact that he has never changed his behavior for shallow reasons. I admire Lavey for his constant and endless pursuit of some sort of intangible truth. I admire my father’s voracious appetite of knowledge (the guy is reading books on quantum physics just for fun). I appreciate my girlfriend’s ability to avoid falling on to emotional response in debates instead opting for reason and logic only. I admire Jesus for being hung like this (drunken bar joke for those not in the know). Perhaps I don’t fully understand the term role model. However, I suppose that what I’m saying is that I don’t model my life after another’s, yet I will adopt certain behavioral patters that I deem admirable.

Kamikaze KurtSurf!
Haiku:

Cream fills her tight holes
I stab her with my small cock
Bauhaus is playing

I eat out her cunt
With my mouth and with my tongue
She squirts in my eye

Vienna sausage has
Much too much fun with his friend
The happy hotdog

Oh! Beautiful spring.
I watch a butterfly land
I smash it and laugh

Las Vegas is here
Neon lights blind me at night
There's no where to hide

Artistic Inspiration:

Art - the Hubble Deep Field image, December 1995. The original deep field image taken by the Hubble Space Telescope does show that the answer to Everything is 42. The Hubble Space Telescope took an empty part of the sky they could find and zoomed in to take an image to see what was there. What was there? In the image there are galaxies and nebulas and there are lights that appears to be stars, but in fact these are even more galaxies . This image and many that followed are truly "awesome"; in that it is "awe" inspiring, there are no words to really describe what you see. The Hubble Deep Field image of December 1995 is my affirmation as to how small and insignificant we humans are in the big picture of life, the universe, and everything.

Roll Model:

My biggest role model is myself. Clarification here: I'm not an egotistical person or self-centered in the sense that everyone despises. I have learned that no matter who you worship for their qualities, they all have flaws and the only judgment you should really trust is yourself. We are all affected/effected by the people who surround us, but most importantly it's our life experiences that define who we really (as opposed to who we think we) are as a person. Therefore my biggest role model is myself and life experiences. I take all the parts of my life, I wouldn't change one iota of my life experiences because it wouldn't make me into the whole person I am today. It takes all your experiences and no-one elses to lead to self-realization and self-actualization.

Mapeltree

Haiku:

Haiku in Verse

Answers to questions, Inspiration to live by, Makes us now unique.

Quest to be equal Remember the key: freedom. Not to be the same.

Free your divine truth Not defined by the years of Patriarchal rule

There were those before Who left the truth behind them, And taught harmony.

Royal blood of past, Rise again and led the way To truth/unity.

Artistic Inspiration:
Liszt
Lilting It reflects A yearning for contentment, The search for peace Amidst years spent In a house built On six inches of ice Covering twelve feet of lava.

Each key Rains down Rose petals from all The bushes in the Paris. A walk on a spring day With the companionship Of your own thoughts To make musical each rush of wind.

Role Model:

Anti Heroes
Isolated from society Alien in his own world, without a leash. Working from a dingy office without propriety, Never on the good side of the police.

Men made of the tougher stuff, Truly on the side of right They will call your bluff. Able to hold their own in a fight

Rarely are they sweet and gentle But are the ones that can make a girl smile. Even when they are their most mental Their women would walk many a mile

To get them to strike a match. For sensuality and a gruff way Are the secret to his heart’s latch. Fighting dirty he will live to love another day.

Swanny

Haiku:

A brilliant Red leaf
the dew dripping from it's tip
Fall has come to pass

Artistic Inspiration:

I have many favorites when it comes to art, whether it be paintings, music or books. I will comment on an artist I discovered a while back. His name is Michael Parkes and one of his stone lithographs entitled "Fallen Angel" is my favorite. His art work is rather mystical and at times has a bit of the cartoon look to it. I must confess my admiration of his work has more to do with the sexual innuendo and the passion. The nudity is tasteful and highly erotic. The fallen angel reminds me of Leda and the swan. The angel is lying on her knees leaning forward and the swan is right behind her. I just feel the sexual tension and although the colors are not always brilliant their contrasts make me stare. The fallen angel is a piece that makes me feel that sex is in fact an act of innocence. A natural part of the angel in all of us.

Role Model:

I do not have many role models. I am not sure why. Perhaps because in my old age, I am realizing that no one is perfect and that at first glance I might see something I greatly admire in a person, they are always sure to show their imperfections; and sometimes too quickly. (smile here)
There is one man that I knew when I was a teenager whom has since passed away. I greatly admired this man. I watched how he treated his wife and his three sons. He was very affectionate without being overbearing. He always looked everyone in the eyes when he spoke and one had the impression that he was always honest; That he held no secrets from others or even himself. I saw him give a homeless person his coat once. My own father is a good man, but this man that I adored was an exceptional man. His goodness outweighed his humanity. He was easy to love.

T. Estabella

Haiku:

A fork in the road
New beginning or the end
First step is the hardest

Artistic Inspiration:
I have a painting in my house which I inherited from my parents when they moved out of my childhood home. The piece is art deco and the composition is of an abstract Pekinese dog. The artist used charcoal and oils in shaded of muted browns and tans for the body and the long ears that rest on the sides of its head. The only other color used in the painting is a pearl –white that encompasses the eyes giving them a ghostly stare. I have no idea who the artist; the painting is signed “A.Y”. I love looking at those eyes. They have an eerie calming effect over me.
Role Model:

No entry

Thanks everybody for the entries! I’ll leave my own comments on the comment page also!!!

A brief Interlude...

2006-11-06T13:12:00.000-08:00

Ok, the blog with the challenge entries will be up tonight (late PCT) or tomorrow after I vote. I just finished seven straight days of 14+ hours (Well, ok, Halloween was only eight and today was only eight). I just had to tell you about the recuperative powers of a beautiful day and good fantasy. I walked out from the Stardust into the employee parking lot. It was strangely quite and only about 73 degrees at twelve noon (23-24 for all you metric users, which, I might add, the US should use too but we're too arrogant!). The sun was out and a gentle breeze was blowing. I stood near my car for many moments. I just stood, sometimes with my eyes closed and enjoyed the tactile sensations. It was fabulous, although I probably got a few strange looks, I don't really care. It should not take a hectic and busy week to appreciate the simple beauty of a day, but it did make the simple experience, that much more profound! Then when I got home I fantasized with a dear friend about living in different locations in Europe (I lived there for three years and have longed to go back!). In just two hours I felt rejuvenated! Now, I'm gonna spend some much needed time with my daughter.

Waiting...

2006-11-01T19:14:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I know. I thought I would have the Challenge results up today. Sorry, you are going to have to wait a few days. Seattle's Best has suddenly overwhelmed me with hours and the Stardust is busier than ever. Combine this with the fact that I have been on a partying tear lately means SLEEP DEPRIVATION. Or, in other words, I'm fucking tired 'cause I really overdid it on Halloween thanks to Big Daddy's Witches Brew (Strong stuff). On a bright note, there was plenty of dancing with a very attractive dark angel. My pirate costume (not store bought, but rather a hand made affair) was fabulous for flirting as I even scored a number (unsolicited) at the Seattle's Best drive thru from a very attractive older woman (well, my age anyway) and lots of flirting with others! I might have to wear the outfit more often! I digress from my ego's soapbox. I'm going to bed right now and I work 14 hour days all this week so bear with me, or, use it as an excuse to sneak in a late entry if you haven't submitted anything!

Is this too Challenging for you?

2006-10-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

Wow! Here we are just seven days away and my Challenge! is not looking good. Up to this point I still have only three entries. I mean, I used the knuckle dragging comment to incite some anger and “Fuck you!”-ness to the whole affair, but it was also supposed to be motivational. I guess it was motivation in the wrong way. Should I try and guilt you into it? Should I beg and plead and scream? Naw, fuck that. I mean, if you are reading this and know exactly what it is I am talking about then you came here to this blog and read these Challenge! related articles on your own. It’s not like I’m pestering you with unwanted junk email. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s not too late to enter the Challenge! and Remember the Challenge! (scroll down) for a little alternate challenge. Thank you, by the way, for those few that have entered your submissions, you may join the other humans at the couch. I do have hope and maybe I am hitting it a bit hard because most entries for anything, usually come in at the last minute. I mean, me myself would not clean my room growing up until my mother threatened to throw everything out. So I guess I should just relax and ride it out. I mean, if most people procrastinate, odds are I’ll get at least four more, right?

Confessions of an alcohol user...

2006-10-23T14:30:00.000-07:00

When I was much younger I used to drink quite often and quite heavily. It was young dumb escapism. I felt somehow free of some of the distractions of life and I could think more clearly (or, at least, more honestly). As the years went by it turned into a little more (or less, depending on your view). I became angry when I drank. I felt a rage I could not define, a hidden anger that I could never understand, only tap into. Up until that one night I never let it get the best of me, but I did see the smoke on the horizon. Unfortunately one night it did get the best of me. For no good reason I kicked the crap out of some poor guys yellow Porsche (okay he probably wasn’t poor if he had a Porsche) denting all of the doors, trunk, hood and any other part I could get a strike on. I’ve been in Martial Arts and played football (Soccer) for years so when I say kick, I really mean it. Now, thankfully, it wasn’t that bad. No one was physically hurt and it was only the property of someone who could afford it (or his insurance, anyway). Don’t misunderstand, I still feel terrible. What if it was something someone could not easily replace, or worse, a person or even someone I had cared about! I do appreciate the fact that it was only one night that it got the best of me. That was the last drink I had for about six months. Thankfully I have never felt a need to drink, it never felt like a crutch or an addiction. Even after that (for a while, anyway), I was pretty cautious about how much I drank. As the years went by I never saw that rage return and my drinking (as infrequently as it is being a single parent now) has returned to its original state (minus the frequency, of course); escapism and a means to clear my mind of unwanted clutter. No straight edge here, I’m a drug user and proud of it. Some of my favorite times and conversations I’ve had were when I was drunk (but not ridiculously so), a certain St. Patrick’s Day (maybe a little too drunk, but fun) comes to mind and also my 38th birthday. I was drunk for most of it (again not ridiculously so) and it ended with some great (if fairly incoherent) conversation (see: Logic versus Irrationality). Does this seem sad? I think to some of my conservative views it does (thankfully I’m undergoing shock therapy to permanently damage my Coulter gland). When I drink I am able to focus on creative things much more sharply. My mind becomes alive with possibilities that I did not see before. Is it the alcohol? Well, it does clear away some clutter for creative purposes, so I guess that’s a yes. Imagine if I did anything harder. When I was at Karl’s house the other week (drinking), his woman was about and Karl made the proclamation to her that alcohol is the morning cup of coffee to a writer. Wow! He defined why I do like to drink in one short sentence. Damn I love that man!

...is in the details.

2006-10-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

Did we do everything that we could? Could we have tried harder? Were we patient enough? Could we have done more? Were we too patient? Does it matter? Does it ever? All of these questions, yet, we will never get definitive answers. Should we even get all of the answers? What good would it really do? Even if we get all of the answers we were looking for, they would be too complex and we would probably be left with more questions. Is life an answer, or a question? Regardless of what aspect of life we’re talking about, it all applies. Fernand Mondego was right; sometimes we’re kings and sometimes we’re pawns. The only answers we do get will have to be enough because that’s all any of us ever know. But maybe that’s the problem, or the point, we will never be satisfied with the answers, no matter what they may be. When we focus on the questions and the answers, we forget about what we got into things for in the first place. When all of the questions fade and the answers are forgotten, the only things we remember are the moments. Good or bad, that’s the part that burns itself into our minds and stays with us for years. About fifteen years ago I lived in Europe and do you know what I remember? Riding the train into Heidelberg, walking across the countryside as the sun rose while my breath became a fog out in front of my face, driving into Paris on a Sunday afternoon, the view from my sixth floor apartment, dinner and beer at the local guest house, riding my mountain bike through the nature preserve/park behind the town I lived in, and on and on. Emotional impressions and feelings, moments trapped within my mind and most of them are good. When I considered remarrying about seven years ago, I know neither of us were mature enough to handle the forces that pulled us apart, but I don’t remember many specific details to quantify that. I do remember many good moments; her scent, her hair (I loved her hair), when she titled her head and did the motorboat while looking in the mirror, how beautiful she looked even when she woke up in the morning, kicking her ass in Jeopardy, the feel of laying next to her, her smile, her coy look when she asked something she knew would embarrass me, and on and on. Despite the moments I do remember, I also know that I should have made many more good moments to remember (oh yeah, the whole immature thing). But I didn’t, I got bogged down in the details (and to some extent, so did she). So, you may be asking, “Yeah, whatever dude, are you just remorseful or does all of this have a point?” Well, “IT IS YOU THAT DOES NOT KNOW!” Oh, wait, sorry. Yes! It does have a point. Cherish the moments that you get, no matter what is going on around you. Try your best (don’t try too hard, though) and just enjoy the things that happen, assuming they’re good. Although this is one of those fortune cookie things that we’ve all heard and you may be thinking, “Yeah, I know all of this already, dumb ass.” It has been a hard lesson for me and I thought I’d write about it. I guess it’s just one of those things that you have to figure out for yourself.

The Challenge! Remember the Challenge...

2006-10-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

Don't forget, times a tickin'. I've had a couple of entries but not very many.

Here is the original post: Challenge!

Here again are your challenges three...

1.) A Haiku, about anything you want.

2.) Your favorite artistic work and why. (Painting, book, movie, music, etc.)

3.) Your biggest role models and why.

Since many people have reacted in consternation regarding the Haiku challenge, here is an alternative...

1A.) Take the following sentence: "It was a dark and stormy night." and turn it into a paragraph that doesn't suck in a literary sense. (Warning: this is possibly more challenging than the Haiku)

All entries can be emailed to Adam-Lavey@hotmail.com or my regular email if you have it.

I will also complete the alternate. Please have your entry in by the 31st of October (new date).

Just Smart Enough to be Stupid. or Grow Up Already!

2006-10-16T23:16:00.000-07:00

Ever since that woman gave that man that piece of fruit that neither of them was supposed to have, humankind has been on a quest to destroy God. Or, at least we should be.

“Wha-? Hey Adam, that’s a bit harsh. Didn’t the apple just represent knowledge?” You ask.

Well, no. The apple was the representation of what separates us humans from animals. Knowledge is just an accumulation of facts. More importantly, the apple represented imagination and free will. The ability to see what different choices could bring and the ability to make different choices not based on our environment.

“You’re fucking cracked. Who cares, as long as I get mine. I don’t see your point and I don’t even want to read your boring shit.”

Yeah, you’re probably right. It probably is boring. But you should care because if you don’t then you are an animal. Animals get theirs or they die. That’s it, that’s all there is. Squirrels get their nuts or they starve. Lions get their antelope or they die. Humans get their Hummers or they, hmm, or they, uh, well I guess they don’t die. Then why do they feel the need to get theirs? Oh yeah, most can’t figure out how to live beyond their environment. It’s less deadly but much more complex, or at least that’s what they want you to think (yes the mythical and ambiguous “they”).

“What the-? Are you on drugs? You’re not even making any sense, man! My bills get paid, I got my cell phone and my hi-def TV and my video game system. I even have a little bit left over to blow money on gambling every once in a while. You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

Well, actually I do know what I’m talking about. It’s you that does not know. Maybe I am not expressing my ideas coherently enough. Most humans live in a carefully constructed environment in which they created. Humans have trapped themselves and the advent of more entertainment technologies is supplicating human free will.

“Man, what the fuck? I have choices and I can make choices. I choose what I want to wear, what I eat, what I watch and even what interest I want to pursue. Technology is not evil, it’s good and it is freeing humanity. Go ahead and prove me wrong.”

Well, I can’t. Not really, only because your argument is flawed. Technology is not evil nor good, it is neutral. It is a tool and nothing more. It is our use of it that I am questioning. While some entertainment can touch us in different ways, make us think, force us to ask questions of ourselves and make us use our imagination beyond what we are used to, it can also go the other direction. It can desensitize us and it’s sometimes escapist allure can cause us to forget what is important.

“Alright, now I know you’re cracked. You defined and proved my point, even if you added a little of the down side to it. Also, what do you mean by forgetting what is important?”

Ah, yeah, did you forget already, to destroy God. Admittedly the word “destroy” is a bit harsh (and I used it to generate a little intrigue). More accurately, to destroy the need for God. That’s the meaning of life and it should be the goal of all humans.

“What the fuck are you talking about? God made us and he loves us and we need him, always. That’s just how it works.”

Yeah, okay. Let me give you an example: I know three atheists and two agnostics very well. Well enough to know quite a bit about their inner workings, how they think and what they believe as far as day to day living goes. All five (not one or two or three, all five!) of these people have essentially destroyed their need for God on some level. All of them have some of the highest values I know of. All of them believe in doing what is right. All them believe in self improvement. None of them are really materialistic. All of them want the world to be a better place and generally try to help (on their small level) achieve that end. Yet, none of them, not a single one, believe that they will die and go to heaven or hell based on their actions in this life. What is stopping these five people from being hedonistic, greedy and materialistic? (okay, one of them is fairly hedonistic) I know lot’s of religious people (my dear mother being one) that live in a “ride the bike until the wheels fall off” attitude. They don’t really regard anyone else very much. They are generally self centered and materialistic. Make choices based on status and appearance and think that God will generally take care of them and that it will be alright in the end, because they believe.

“That’s a bunch of horse shit! You could have picked those five people out of any number just to prove your point. And not all religious people are that bad. Some are pretty good, if a bit weird.”

Okay, fair argument. I only used those five because I know them really well. I know many more that are pretty much the same way. I only know one atheist that is fairly materialistic and has a “get what I can get attitude”. That would be my dear old Dad. Despite this, he is still always willing to help and as he gets older, he has shedded much of his self centered and materialistic beliefs. But why, he doesn’t believe he is going to hell?

“I’m sure I don’t know and I’m also sure you’re dying to tell me.”

I think of it like this. If we put it into religious terms and assume certain aspects of religion and God is real, what would be the point of existence. Maybe on some cosmic level we are God’s children and it is his goal to raise us (as a race) until we no longer need him as a parent. Maybe God is just a cosmic father figure. It is his goal for us to exist and perpetuate without him. (Yeah, more than a few Sci-Fi novels have used this premise in some form, check out E.E.”Doc” Smith for a pretty good example of this) And like any parent, if most of us don’t succeed individually, he’ll still pretty much take care of those children too.

“What the fuck? Are you on acid?”

Nope, never done it. My only point is, we as humans should strive to destroy our need for God. Not spirituality, not morals or ethics or values. Those we need and the more mature we become, the more naturally they occur to us (I’m talking big picture, as the human race). If we can’t figure out how to use our imagination and free will to decide for ourselves. Everything in the book of revelations (or any other end of the world story) will come true simply because we have hundreds of thousands of stupid ass Neo-Conservatives (many of which are in government office) that cannot live beyond their environment and are literally creating a self fulfilling prophecy because, “Halleluiah!” they fucking believe. Y’know the ones I’m talking about. These are the same ones that are also starting up schools which will soon pump out Christian Radicals in the next five to ten years (I swear I’m not making this shit up). Too much blood has already been shed in Jesus’ name. Actually if you read about him (even that bibley stuff) he was a fairly cool cat that believed in many of the same things that my atheist and agnostic friends practice every day.

Of course I could be completely off base and we could just regress into a scene from Lord of the Flies.

“Dumb ass. It’s late and I got church in the morning. I’m outta here, as soon as I remember where I parked my Cadillac.”

Experiencing Technical Difficulties...

2006-10-15T23:29:00.000-07:00

Writing is funny today, but not funny ha-ha. Okay, bad cliché, but it’s true. I tried to write a much more serious blog but it cut too close to home. “Hey asshole, those make the best kind!” You yell at your computer screen. Rightly so and usually true, however, simply writing some things down is a big part of airing it out. It doesn’t mean I have to share it with you. Besides, these things (of which you may or may not know anything about) are circular, meaning that they have an answer yet continue to cause frustration. I (and probably also you) don’t learn anything from them. They are not new and they do not do anything constructive. They are circles, vicious ones. So go fuck yourself! Start your own damned blog so I can write some comments to you. Or (and probably much more likely) leave a comment because you already have a blog. I love you all and I hate you equally. Right! Off you go!

This one goes out to...

2006-10-14T20:09:00.000-07:00

I had a pretty fucked day. At least the first half; some bullshit, some truth, some misdirection and even some deduction. My friend Karl Bakla helped by allowing me to vent a bit then making me laugh with his trademark robot/magnetic pulse dance (and skateboarding antics). Overall it was a downer but within I felt kind of an inner peace and strength (don't worry, I'm not going all religious on yuh) and it made me feel pretty fucking good. I also felt mad, not the abstract agony and frustration of fierce blind rage, but mad. Mad like I could consciously decide to destroy something and do it meticulously. Now, I am old enough and have enough values to understand that this kind of thing can lead to regret and possibly jail time. The point is, feeling this way gave me a strange sense of peace and freedom. It reminded me that I am alive and I can feel and I can act and above all, I have a choice. The rest of the day really started to seem pretty fucking good. Then I ran into fellow blogger and friend Lady Poverty. I have always thought of her as a very attractive young woman and today was no exception. However, she did look a bit frayed and had a hard edge to her face. She told me what was going on and seemed a bit better for it (glad I could help). Later on I visited her at Seattle’s Best Coffee inside the fabulous Stardust and ordered the bane of all baristas (because it doesn’t exist, at least not with a real cappuccino) the dreaded Iced Cappuccino. I did it for a laugh and she reciprocated, we chatted a bit and she did seem a little better than earlier. Then, something wonderful happened (no, she didn’t flirt with me or give me her number!). One of her fellow baristas produced... The Iced Cappuccino! It was fantastic! It made for a very laugh filled few moments and certainly completed a turn around for my day! Anyway, I know it’s no painting, but here is another (smaller and simpler) work of art, just for Lady Poverty...

Iced cappuccino
All cold with a bunch of foam
Good enough to drink
Hot foam over cold ice milk
Watch out for diarrhea!

Long form Haiku. Yes, it’s supposed to be stupid and if she and/or you are smiling then mission accomplished.

A Long Day or How I Shucked the Responsibilities My Bosses Placed In Me And Fucked Off With Karl Bakla All Day!

2006-10-14T06:15:00.000-07:00

The day started like any other, up at 3am, shit, shower, shave and make my way to the coffee house I work at (y’know, Seattle’s Best Coffee). During my four and a half hours serving coffee my mind was filled with thoughts of all the crazy shit that’s been going on in my life lately (actually it’s always filled with thoughts, I wish I could just not think for a while, it would be helpful, too bad I don’t use anything stronger than aspirin or alcohol). I left Seattle’s Best and arrived at the Stardust thinking it would be a day like any other (y’know, more thinking about everything that’s going in the whole wide world). Then I noticed my partner for the day was none other than Karl Bakla! Hell Ya! Fast forward to 5:40pm, I was leaving the Stardust, walking out with my Backdoor Breaker Inners T-shirt on, the June issue of The Inner Swine in one hand and a stack of Haiku’s in the other (more on these later) and a completely “Fuck it all!” attitude. I realized I’ve just had one hell of a great fucking day! I was feeling pretty goddamned punk rock and I’m not even sure what that means. Despite every little detail that should drag my soul into a black hell, I’m in a great fucking mood! Why? You ask. Well, I’ll fucking tell you. After a busy first half hour or so, Karl and I had a moment (no, not a Chasing Amy moment, okay, well maybe) and he asked for clarification on what a Haiku is. Once I told him, Karl lifted his arms and fists above his head and screamed, “Haiku Battle!” Yeah, that’s all it took. For the next seven hours we proceeded to have a Haiku fight (and worked a little, I guess). He wrote one and then I, back and forth. It made the day fun and I even stopped thinking about all of the other stuff for a while. Here is an account of that seven hour battle.

“Cry Havoc! And Let Slip The Haiku’s of War!”

Karl: Long Form Haiku (5-7-5-7-7)

Rub it on my face
Satan’s hell stink on my flesh
Show love for satan
Who are you to judge my love
For heavy metal music (Kind of funny words from an atheist)

Adam:

So I think you stink
Your fragrance is quiet unique
It burns in my nose
And it really curls my toes
So take a bath you ingrate

Karl:

Drive your damn Hummer
You disgusting piece of shit
You make me wanna puke (He fucked up, this one isn’t a Haiku and I rejected it and stole the initiative!)

Adam: Short form Haiku (5-7-5)

He is a shadow
Mitchell Marr has sold his soul
To the company

Karl:

You are so ugly
Test positive for VD
I really hate you

Adam:

How well do I suck
Customer cock in my throat
You do it better

Karl:

Fisted in the ass
Oh suffering succotash
How ‘bout my ass

Adam:

Your poems are so weak
If you would go eat some steak
Your brain would work right

Actual photo of Adam LaVey

Karl: (who proclaimed that now it was really on)

Mister down syndrome
You have inverted penis (I wanna know who told him!)
Gay like John Waters

Adam:

You know how to twist
When you sit on my penis
Too bad I have crabs

Karl:

You ate Cragma out (an old masculine lady we work with)
Can’t suck my dick don’t pout
Another’s in your mouth

Karl: (Stole back the initiative)

To bad you have AIDS
Yeah hurrah! You will die soon
Rock Hudson lover

Adam:

Your words are so gay
And they suck really bad too
Yes literally

Karl:

Sucked off Elton John (True)
Liberace’ sucked your dick
Test yourself for AIDS

Adam:

You like brown eye stink
When pooters give you a wink
You drool and you faint

Karl:

Bend over and spell run
Launch your wiener in my ass
No not slow but fast

Adam:

When good fags go bad
Vaginas are to be had
But you stick with fist

Karl:

Stupid dick for nose
Your penis is inverted (again?)
Your butthole is gay

Adam:

My words from my cache
Continue to kick your ass
Just give up dumb ass

Karl:

Sniffing the panties
Going through my dirty clothes
This is my fetish

Adam:

While working the floor
I’ve been covering your calls
Get to work butt head

Karl:

Take off your clothes now
Slurping cum is not homo
Free your mind explore

Adam:

Go twist on the fist
You’re a greasy pork sandwich
You hairy monkey

Karl:

You are a Gypsy (also true)
Nomadic charlatan trick
Kill with Zyclom-B

Actual Photo of Karl Bakla

Adam:

You know you are gay
With make-up like Tammy Faye
And Rod Stewart says “Hey!”

Karl:

Crasskins and Adam
Were caught fucking each other
They are now lovers

Adam:

Just ‘cause your mother
Is ashamed of her lover
She does not need to lie

Karl:

I really hate work
I would rather fuck Adam
Adam is sexy

Adam:

Buttfucking with Karl
While raw and painful
Can’t be worse than work
It won’t last nearly as long
Plus he’ll pay six hundred bucks

Yes, stupid, silly and inane. I guess sometimes meaningless things can be fun. I know it sure made my day a whole helluva lot better! Almost as good as this photo of Kung Fu Jesus. I don’t even care if one of us won the battle. The whole thing is nostalgic and it was a blast.

Challenge!

2006-10-10T21:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, let’s really get silly! (so silly it rhymes, I agree, that was bad) Make sure you read all the way through!

“What is this?” You ask. “Are you resorting to silly puns and stupid games?” Is your follow up. No! And Yes! The feedback from my Crash Test Dummies blog gave me this idea. While your answers may open you up for undo criticism, it will be fun and I strongly encourage you to bash and trash myself (Yes, I must complete the challenges also) and any of the answers you read. Why? Because I am a firm believer in the fastest way to personal growth is through brutal honesty in a safe (or unsafe) environment, with jokes! And what’s safer than a blog in which no one knows who you really are (Well, okay some of us know each other)? I’m serious about this... I love brutal honesty, I have always preferred a punch to the face then a stab in the back. Sometimes when I tell people this, they don’t believe me (you know who you are) but I swear it’s true! “C’mon! Don’t try and hit me! Hit me!” Here are my challenges three...

1.) A Haiku, about anything you want.

2.) Your favorite artistic work and why. (Painting, book, movie, music, etc.)

3.) Your biggest role models and why.

Okay, some of the challenges seem pretty damned stereotypical. But that’s the challenging part. How do you answer these in non-stereotypical ways. You have to use your head and your mind and your brain. Other than for humor, I really want you to think about your answers. If I get very few replies, I’ll take that as a sign that most humans actually are animals and incapable of rational thought and imagination. Tell your friends and loved ones! It is simply a choice... Make this an article that is fun and interesting and larger than the sum of the entries or doom it to crap. Hey, I did my part.

All entries can be emailed to adam-lavey@hotmail.com or my regular email address if you already know it. Give me a handle that you go by (or it will default to your email name. All answers will be posted in about two weeks, on or soon after the 24th of October.

Meaningless or Meaningful

2006-10-09T19:24:00.000-07:00

Recently someone said the word, “Meaningless...” to me. They said it in a positive way as if there is nothing wrong with being meaningless. That person is right, something without meaning also is without substance and therefore is not wrong. It is also not right. It is, by definition, meaningless. My argument was thus (although admittedly I started this argument at that time, I barely touched upon it as I became focused on another task) Things without meaning are also pointless. It can be argued that while no bad can come out of such things, no good can come from such things either. When I was young, I didn’t understand what these two words really meant (meaningless and meaningful, in case you forgot) I felt that the only things that were really important, revolved around my personal sense of physical, emotional and spiritual comfort. In other words, I was a self absorbed and self centered prick. As I got older, I realized my line of thinking was flawed because no one would stay in a relationship (friendship or otherwise) with someone like that (at least not a good relationship). Therefore, all of my actions and decisions became meaningless because they did not benefit anyone, not even me. As I got older still, I began to understand that making others feel valued was a key to making myself feel valued. These things have meaning. I eventually decided to try to fill my life with things that were meaningful. The reasons are simple to me...

If I were to go around and do meaningless things without regard for myself or others, my very existence becomes meaningless. Within my meaningless existence, if I even tried to do things of meaning or have meaningful relationships, my actions would be viewed as meaningless (or at the very least selfish) by others. Trust me, I’ve already been there.

If I try to cultivate meaningful relationships and do meaningful actions towards others, then my existence becomes meaningful and then even apparently meaningless actions have meaning.

I, by no means, believe that every single thing anyone does, can or even should have meaning. On the contrary, sometimes meaningless things can be good, in the right context and for the right reasons (which, in turn gives them some kind of meaning) or even bad for all of the same reasons. Meaningless or meaningful, I guess it is just a choice.

“To Be or Not to Be.” (or) To Coherently Articulate or To Compose Literature!

2006-10-03T23:20:00.000-07:00

Very recently I had a meaningful conversation. Nothing too crazy but it seemed important enough for all parties involved to be clear. Ultimately we were clear and expressed ourselves (more or less) how we intended. The whole exercise of it made me think. Mostly I thought about how terrible I am at talking about things. It’s really quite funny to me. I can turn on my computer, boot up the ol’ word processor and literally type for hours (which I have been known to do) about anything. Religion, politics, Bush, assholes I work with, relationships, friends, science fiction, sex, sadomasochism, movies, sex movies, internet porn, regular porn, Veronica Moser, coffee, wine, sub-dom, food, hell anything really, important or not. I can be concise or verbose. Get to my point quickly or meander around it, leading others on a path to discover it for themselves. It has always been easier for me to tell people exactly what it is that I want to say if I could just fucking type it! Why? Is it because once I type something it becomes permanent? Naw, I could just hit backspace and delete it. Is it because once I put all my thoughts down, organize them how I want and then let people read them, they are able to see them in their entirety, re-read parts they glossed over and see into what I’m really feeling at that moment? Well, maybe that’s the first part of it. Is it because I am just a poor conversationalist? No and yes. I think the second part is something that I was told about myself years ago when I received a battery of tests and was presented with the results at the ripe old age of 13 (they used to do that stuff back in the 70’s and early 80’s). I really didn’t think about it at the time (or understand it for that matter) but it stuck with me. (Actually almost all of it stuck with me as I didn’t really ever forget anything back then.) Among all of the things the counselor told me, one of them was... “...show an aptitude for non-linear thinking and abstract comprehension.” Hmm, okay, non-linear thinking and abstract comprehension. I remember those bullshit terms quite clearly. “Okay, but what does that mean?”
“That means that you have a capacity to see several details of a problem all at once.” “Wow! So I should be good in math?” (which I wasn’t, at all)
“What it means is that you are able to see several ideas from different viewpoints all at once.” (Another thing I remember clearly) Okay, so what he was really saying (as I realized later) was that I will be operating on overload most of the time because I will not be able to focus on any one thought. I will see it all in my head at once and get easily confused, or at the very least, need a few moments to sort them all out. Actually, I realized much later (as I often do.) that this explained quite a bit about why I was, the way I was. Speaking is a relatively fast paced linear activity, it is like an automatic machine gun firing off an entire clip. Words come out in a row and if you aim, they hit their target. I see all of the targets at once and I want to shoot them all at once (just ask my old tank commanders, they’ll say it’s true) and I end up not hitting shit. When I try to speak and I let it flow, it just goes all over the place and I have a very hard time getting my point across because I’m hitting others with a barrage of details that may or may not be part of the point (Just ask my ex-wife, even my daughter, close friends, co-workers, parents, Crasskins, Karl or anyone whom I’ve had more than a few conversations with.) Jumping around between ideas, to and fro, then sometimes not even remembering the original point! Anyway, I’m not typing this because I’m getting on some Tom Cruise like soap box and crying, “Wah, I’m dyslexic, love me!” because all of you (all 8 or 9 of ya) either love me or not already. What I am saying is with writing I am able to spew all of these thoughts out there, arrange them how I want and make them more coherent. Also, the more I write the more focused I am in what I want to type because it is a slower, more meticulous, activity and I am able to organize most of my thoughts before I even type them. Just some random thoughts from a random thinker. Now, if I can just make a living with my keyboard...

Adventures at a coffee house... Vol. 1 Crash Test Dummies!

2006-09-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I started a second job at a coffee house. More or less it has been pretty much just a job and not worthy to write about. Yesterday I went to a training class in which they educated us on the “company way” and all about growing, producing and brewing coffee (thankfully that part was interesting). I’m not here to divulge the class to you, but rather tell a story about the interesting (or perhaps lack thereof) personalities that I attended the class with. A coffee house tends to attract intellectual types (or so I’m told) and lots of college students, so I figured it would be a fun place to work. When we first got there, the instructor (whom we’ll call Charlotte) asked us to make placards and on them write your name, your favorite movie and the person you’d most like to sit down and have coffee with. I rolled my eyes (internally) and caught the attractive single mom across from me roll hers literally. I set about my task. My favorite movie is Seven Samurai, I thought about not writing it down because to any film student, it’s the most stereotypical answer. But, upon reflection, it is just that good on so many levels that I stuck with my answer (which, of course, justified why it is a stereotypical answer). Next came the person I’d most like to have coffee with. I thought about it and wanted to write Noam Chomsky or Howard Zinn but I thought that they had written enough books as to give me a pretty clear insight as to what they are about. Then I thought of Karl’s favorite; GG Allin but I thought he’d probably end up rubbing shit all over himself and ruining my coffee (that and he’s dead). How about Jimmy Carter? Naw, probably put me to sleep. John F. Kennedy? Oh yeah, dead and not sure if I really care. Sir Richard Burton, Yeah! Nobody will have any idea whom that is. Teddy Roosevelt? Sounds good, people will know him, he had a full life, soldier, adventurer, political activist, president, environmentalist and then political activist again. Great choice! Okay I was all set. Next came the unveiling... 1.) The attractive single mom across from me: Sleepless in Seattle (aw how sweet, bleech!) and Marilyn Monroe (Okay, a burned out actress that committed suicide, whatever). 2.) The tiny, unfeminine girl with a shaved head that walked like James Dean and looked like a confused Verne Troyer (No Joke): The Exorcist and John Lennon (The Exorcist? Okay, well at least it was good. She did remark proudly that she had seen it 60 some odd times. And John Lennon, hey at least the guy was a political activist and probably would be pretty interesting, but, at least I thought, probably more stereotypical than my Seven Samurai choice). 3.) The attractive younger woman that seemed very familiar to me (but I couldn’t place from where): Rushmore (Yeah! That is a great flick!) and Owen Wilson (Wha- Owen Wilson? An actor? More like a film personality actually, but whatever.) 4.) The smart-mouthed young guy with thick square eyeglass frames: Dumb and Dumber and Ben folds (whoa, Dumb and Dumber? Okay, he obviously has depth and Ben Folds? What’s he wanna do, ask him about the Shatner album?) 5.) The young woman with somewhat extreme Asian features: The Girl Who Played Go and Shan Sa (Wow, I was impressed a little, she picked a book and the author of that book, okay at least one in the bunch is interesting) 6.) The girl (couldn’t be more than 22) who wears too much mascara and proudly boasts that she’s married to a 40 year old musician: Robert Plant and The Terminator (Another artist? And the Terminator? I mean I like that flick and all but c’mon) 7.) Was me and my answers. 8.) The younger lady sitting next to me that talked to herself a lot! (I mean I talk to myself sometimes, but not in public): Sleepless in Seattle and Tom Hanks (Another one!?!? And Tom Hanks? Okay, he probably would be fun but he is just an actor) 9.) Our instructor Charlotte: The Last Dragon and Charles Barkley (What? The Last Dragon? The silly martial arts musical with Vanity? And Charles Barkley?) Okay, I know, people have their own likes and dislikes, their own interests and who the fuck am I to question them. Well, one thing that did get to me was that almost everyone of them talked about reasons why they wanted to meet their person. #1 said that she thought she could get some insight into Marilyn (Hey, I get that.) #5 said she wanted to understand where the author got the idea for the book and to help her understand it better (Worthy answer!) Everyone else down to a person (including Charlotte) said “What a genius (insert their pick here) is. They are so smart and creative. I just love him/her.” What the fuck? Those are your reasons? And most of the movies went the same way. “I love that flick, it’s just pure genius!” Wow, at least I had a better answer for the Seven Samurai than that. It’s no wonder why our society is going to hell in a hand basket. Most people can’t or just refuse to think. Well, at least no one answered with George W. Bush.

A Sense of Freedom Can be Found in Despair.

2006-09-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

During our lives we create a false importance around society’s trappings. We allow ourselves to become shackled by our lack of fortitude and focus. We are swayed by the distractions of money and all of the things it can buy. We are tricked by our values and beliefs. The relationships we should cherish, fall into disrepair and unnamed resentment. We let others down and curse ourselves for it. The machine of our culture attempts to consume us, even as it tricks us to consume others. Our spirit and uniqueness are hunted by the starving wolves of order which use chaos as their tools of fear. The weight of it all begins to crush us and we despair. When we reach the very end of our thoughts and nothing is left, we are set free. A sense of freedom can be found in despair.

Random Thoughts... The Right One or A Nice Man / One Good Woman

2006-09-25T18:48:00.000-07:00

Ah love! All sorts of people do all sorts of things for it. Sacrifice themselves, sacrifice others, go to the ends of the earth, murder and even overthrow countries (or at least they used to, now they do it for power and money) all for a promise of love. On a less grand scale, people everyday try to find love. Not just any love but true love. Dating website abound (heh-hem at least so I’m told), friends try to set each other up and even parents introduce children to friends children. If we aren’t looking for us, we’re looking for someone else. Here in this culture, we sometimes find love many times. When it doesn’t work out we feel despondent and heart-broken afterwards thinking that maybe they weren’t the one. Men bitch that they just need to find “one good woman” and woman complain that they just need to find “a nice man”. I myself have found four good women. “Four? Adam are you kidding, four!? Are you fucking retarded, why didn’t you just keep the first one?” Fair question, but I’m not here to talk about my own failed relationships, at least not in any detail (I’ll save that for another blog). If you believe that fate is set then obviously at least three of them were not the “right one”. If it’s a compatibility issue then at least two were not the “right one”. Potentially, none of them could be the “right one” nor anyone else for that matter. Is the idea of the “right one” just some stupid romantic fantasy that all people cling to? Why are you asking me? I just so much as stated that I have failed in relationships with “good” women. What? Oh, right, you’re reading this blog because you think I have some insight on the matter. Well, no, not really and yes I do have my own warped idea about all of it...

It started when my girlfriend (even though we don’t get to see each other much between multiple jobs and multiple children [not with each other] it is far easier to use the familiar “girlfriend” moniker then always typing “the lady that I am dating”.) was telling me of a co-worker that made some comment regarding “meeting nice men”. This triggered something in my subconscious and I thought about the whole “right one” idea and as it applied to my girlfriend (herself "I believe" being one of the aforementioned “good women”) and her co-worker (whom we will call Tamy-Sue). Since we all work at the same Las Vegas resort (y’know, the Stardust) I know Tamy-Sue a little. She has never appealed to me as “the right one” nor a “good woman”. Actually, she always seemed a bit twitchy to me. This led me to think of my past relationships (No, not all of them, but rather the ones where one of us was clearly not very “nice” or “good”). You see, about two years ago I was in a relationship. It wasn’t particularly serious (at least not to me) but ultimately I was not a very nice guy. Not because I was mean, per se, but because I didn’t want anything more out of what we had. It was casual, it was fun (mostly) and it was risk free. The truth was, she never had been married and had never had children (two things I had already done) and even though she said she was okay with that (probably for my sake) she wasn’t and she eventually wanted more. The end, because, ultimately, I didn’t love her, I just loved the situation. It was unfair to her, though (Yes, you may call me an insensitive prick, now). I can say that this is the height of my “prick”ness outside of high school. I’ve also dated a few “damaged” women. One broke up with me and proceeded to play two weeks of “I’m pregnant and I’m going to get an abortion” games with me. That was one ugly scene. Another, led me to believe that I was her “savior” of sorts, only to screw some guy (or so I’m told) in the men’s restroom of a PT’s Pub while we both attended a party there (of course I let myself get caught up with her leading up to this, even though better judgment said otherwise and lost). That one ended that day but hurt for a few months after, mostly because of the indignity of the whole restroom thing (and other details I’ll leave out). Another came on to me full force after calling one day looking for my newly separated soon to be ex-wife, only to find her not there. Yeah that one was weird and, regrettably, neither of us were very “good” or “nice” but at least it was mutual.

Some people may never figure it out but each attempt is what you make of it. Some people will never get “it”, others get lucky and live a long and mostly happy life with their high-school sweetheart. Others will continue to struggle, improve and grow and (hopefully) find someone that helps them become better people (and visa versa). Others will simply find that special someone that “puts up with their shit”. Sometimes it’s a combo, deal. Anyway that works, more power to them! I know I’m a “nice guy” but I haven’t always been one and I can still be a prick when the situation arises or sometimes when it doesn’t arise. For me it’s age, maturity, experience and understanding the kind of man I want to be. I’m not always successful at first but I eventually get it right (just give me about 15 minutes to realize I’m being insensitive, longer if I’ve been drinking). I’m willing to bet that even Tamy-Sue has probably met a few “nice men” but fucked them up on some level. Talking with my girlfriend about this blog, she added her own reflections, “Maybe we’re just all assholes.” To which I replied, “Yeah, all we have to do is find two assholes that match up.” This led to a dumb round peg, round hole joke that seemed like it would be funny to add to this blog (although not so much now). The only point I’m trying to make is that most people fuck things up all by themselves without any help, whether by design or by accident and, ultimately, only have themselves to blame (yeah, I know, I guess I’ve been on an existentialism kick lately).

Quick Hits: Tiger Woods’s Great Legacy... and The Worst Thing I Heard Today...

2006-09-23T07:42:00.000-07:00

Tiger Woods’s Great Legacy...

While listening to NPR, I was completely absorbed by a story in which the commentator was talking about Tiger Woods and other golfers regarding the Ryder Cup. The Ryder Cup is a great tournament that concentrates on team play, taking place in Ireland. The commentator talked about Tiger’s past performances (all poor apparently) in the Ryder Cup and how Tiger really needs to understand his legacy within the golfing world. He expressed his desire to see Tiger “step up” and take his place among the golfing elite. He also criticized Tiger for not taking the Ryder Cup seriously enough. The commentator talked on and on about how great the old U.S. of A. team was back in the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s and how they dominated the European team but since Tiger took the reigns our team has suffered. Hmm... Legacy? Elite? Taking it seriously? Wait a fucking moment here! We are talking about golf, right? That game that uses large tracts of land and water purely for aesthetic reasons? That game that was originally (and still is as far as I know) for the rich and powerful. What the fuck! I mean, don’t misunderstand, if a guy can make millions playing a game his whole adult life, more power to him. But don’t fucking talk about it or him as someone great or someone that needs to take golf seriously. I really thought it was a joke that I didn’t get. Damn that commentator sounded serious though.

The Worst Thing I Heard Today...

Today (at the good ‘ol Stardust) a lady had won ten thousand dollars (yes $10,000). I always like to see people win (y’know, take a little bit out instead of the other way around). She was happy but she expressed to me that the last couple of days she had lost over $9000 dollars playing slot machines (probably a conservative estimate, I mean, would you tell if you lost more than you won) and that she really needed this. Okay, I thought, she looked like a rich old bird and it was her money, she could be doing something better with it but who cares. She then changed her tone and started explaining how she “deserved” this she really acted as if it was her right to win this. Yeah, okay lady, you and every other gambler. I went and made the check out, when I returned she gratefully took the check and then looked at me proudly and said. “Half of this check is going to help pay for my son’s cancer bills. He really needs the help and I’m going to help him.” Wait a zombie-jesus minute here! Did she just say what I thought she said? Yes, she did and repeated it a few times. I shouldn’t have to explain why this is the most reproachable, disgusting, irritating and self-gratifying thing I’ve heard all day. She did not tip and if this was her way to get out of one, it’s probably the most creative one I’ve heard.

Defender of the Weird...

2006-09-15T23:20:00.000-07:00

I was on my break today enjoying a bowl of frozen yogurt and watching CNN. I was vaguely aware of the program as I was musing about some things that were on my mind at the time. Ok, I was thinking about Salsa dancing, but more on that another time. Anyway, sitting on the table in front of me was one of our resident employee weirdos. Now this guy, whom we’ll call Anton, usually sits alone, doesn’t really have any friends and talks to himself often (no, it’s not me, I swear). I, myself, am aware of him from the many years I’ve worked at my job, also he had tried to change departments once and I had talked to him about it, but admittedly I have never really gotten to know him. (The photo is a gross exaggeration) For now, we’ll let Anton be.

I make it a point to sit off by myself on break (Unless I see Karl, Crasskins or a few others that know who you are) because I like to sit silently and just zone out or write down ideas, phrases or thoughts (hey, that’s how I take a break.) Everything was going okay (or at least as relaxing as a break can be in that place) when around the corner, SHE came. She, whom we’ll call Leona, is the same person that harasses my good buddy Karl regarding his vegetarianism and other choices he has made. Yes, she’s that bitch from Karl’s blog. She proceeds to pull up a chair and sit right next to me. Now, I could just ignore her (and mostly I do) but something about her presence, her very aura, radiates outward and makes me feel uncomfortable. You must understand; she’s opinionated (which isn’t bad on it’s own), pushy, closed minded, bossy, ignorant and delights in proving herself superior to others (even though she’s not). The other big problem with her is that our bosses let her get away with this behavior, over and over. She represents several archetypical traits of what I hate most about humanity (or lack thereof).

So, CNN is talking about some twin brother mass murderer and the details surrounding the case. The psychologist that is analyzing the last letter from the murderer uses terms like lonely, reclusive, bored and unbalanced. As the story ends, Anton gets up and states (to no one in particular) “An idle mind can lead to bad things, that’s why it’s best to stay busy and active.” It was articulated very coherently. I chuckled a bit because, I (being a relative loner and currently undergoing a bit of pre middle-aged renaissance) feel that it’s vitally important to look inward and face yourself so that you may grow from it. While keeping busy can be good (and productive) keeping too busy can hide you from yourself. (Yeah, I know, existential bullshit!)

After Anton walks away, Leona pipes up (apparently assuming my chuckle was a shallow insult toward Anton) saying, “What the hell is he talking about! He doesn’t even make any sense. The least he could do is keep his mouth shut.” Or something pretty close to this. The hackles on my neck rose. How dare she! Anton never messes with anybody and when he decides to talk, and actually has an opinion, this bitch is going to assert her lousy two cents! I stayed calm (I am at work after all) and I proceeded to explain to her what he had meant and why (Okay, I did make some assumptions of Anton’s personality, but I’m reasonably sure they were accurate) then I went on to exactly why I chuckled. The best part was that she didn’t say a word. She stayed silent and seated the whole time and even after. Of course she could've thought I was an idiot, but who cares about that, she just stayed silent. Now, this may not seem like much, but I’m confidant that Karl will vouch for the fact that getting this royal pain in the ass to shut up is pretty damned impressive.

What's even more important in all of this is that Anton, being a resident wierdo, actually had something to say. It wasn't offensive it was just his opinion. Leona had nothing to say and would have been better off heeding her own advice. As for myself, I guess I can't keep my mouth shut either.

Happy September 11th!

2006-09-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

With all of the other media out there, I thought someone should remember this day for some of the positive things...

Happy New Year in Ethiopia!

Happy Teacher’s Day in several Latin American Countries!

Happy Birthday to...

1928 - Earl Holliman, American actor
1933 - Dr. William L. Pierce, American author and activist
1934 - Oliver Jones, Quebec jazz pianist
1935 - Arvo Pärt, Estonian composer
1935 - Gherman Titov, second man in space
1937 - Iosif Kobzon, Soviet singer and Russian businessman
1937 - Queen Paola Ruffo di Calabria of Belgium
1937 - Robert Crippen, American astronaut
1939 - Charles Geschke, American inventor and businessman
1940 - Brian de Palma, American film director
1942 - Lola Falana, American singer
1943 - Mickey Hart, American drummer (Grateful Dead)
1945 - Franz Beckenbauer, German footballer
1945 - Felton Perry, American actor
1948 - John Martyn, English musician
1950 - Barry Sheene, British motorcyclist
1953 - Tommy Shaw, American musician, lead singer of Styx
1958 - Roxann Dawson, American actress
1958 - Scott Patterson, American actor
1961 - Virginia Madsen, American actress
1961 - Philip Ardagh, British writer
1962 - Elizabeth Daily, American actress
1962 - Kristy McNichol, American actress
1963 - Dr Patrick McWilliams, Irish author
1964 - Victor Wooten, American musician
1965 - Bashar al-Assad, The current President of Syria
1965 - Moby, American musician
1966 - Princess Akishino, Wife of Prince Akishino, Japanese Imperial Family
1967 - Harry Connick, Jr., American singer
1968 - Kay Hanley, American musician
1971 - Richard Ashcroft, British singer
1971 - Markos Moulitsas, American blogger and author
1976 - Elephant Man, Jamaican musician
1977 - Ludacris, American rapper
1977 - Jon Buckland, British guitarist (Coldplay)
1978 - Ed Reed, American football player

On This Day...

1814 - The Battle of Plattsburgh ended the War of 1812

1961 - Formation of the World Wildlife Fund.

Interesting Image of the Day! Playtime!

2006-09-05T17:32:00.000-07:00

While looking around for interesting images I came across a whole bunch of strange baby photos (more on them in another post). This was one of them. It's not strange, but it's so damned cool! I mean this baby looks like it's feeling the passion of drum playing. This image has been floating around the internet for a while but credit is rarely given. This is actually a print by photographer Keith Baker called Playtime. I gotta get this one some day.

Dirty Little Secrets! Vol. 2

2006-09-05T17:17:00.000-07:00

No, not the girl, the Slurpee! I quit drinking soda about two years ago but once a week I still have one of these with my kid. It's a LaVey family ritual! (Not like Anton's rituals, this one is much more low key yet no less evil) You may be thinking that one of these is basically a soda, and you're pretty much correct (although these have a bit more water and, hence, less sugar, calories and overall carbs per ounce than soda). But, hey, I did go from 3-4 sodas a day as well as a slurpee a week down to just the Slurpee. So back off!

Picking up the pace? or, Murder! It's not for everyone.

2006-09-04T08:16:00.000-07:00

The Blog has been slow lately, sorry for that (at least the 2-3 three that read with any regularity). My life has been busy lately, changing shifts at work (again), kid going back to school, getting a second job and dating someone (It’s even a real woman!). Crasskins and his gal even introduced me to another real woman (whom I thought was equally cool, but I had already started dating the other) It’s been a pretty busy life. Recently, I was pissed at my kid because when she came back from a summer trip with her mother, she embodied the definition of the word inane. I would ask simple, direct questions like, “How was your trip?” and get back, “The trip?” and then silence. This continued for a couple days with all manner of Q and lack of A. “Did you brush your teeth?” and “What brush?”, “What would you like for dinner?” and “Dinner? What?” and on and on. Now, her answers could be considered critical thinking if she would have had a follow up, y’know, probed my questions a bit deeper. But she would provide those answers and then nothing. Inane. I was getting pretty damned impatient. In a conversation with Crasskins about her and my only desire as a father is to teach her to think critically (not be a nag but think things through and not accept things just because they seem cool or everyone else likes them) Crasskins told me of a time when his father made him defend why murder is wrong, at the time I thought it was a pretty good story, went home and continued to grow frustrated with my daughter. After one particularly meaningless non-conversation I had enough. “That’s it, before school starts I want a 600 word essay on why murder is wrong and I don’t want a bunch of bullshit religious excuses, I want it thought out and researched.” I didn’t yell but I was obviously a bit upset. She stammered a bit and made a few excuses (which I normally hate, but in this case at least she was beginning to think). The time passed and she produced. During the time she stopped being inane and actually acted and reacted like the kid I knew and loved. Anyway, this is what she came up with...

The Waodani tribes, along the Amazon River, live at the end of the spear. Their tribes are always at war, if you would like to call it that. It’s killed or be killed. They are practically a group of people always at each other’s throat. Their lifestyle is like a family that the little sections are trying to kill each other. They are spilt up into groups. Waodanis mainly kill the men and boys. Because they know that the boys will grow up to kill them. Rarely do they kill the women, because they need them to reproduce.
The first murder mentioned was Cain and Able. Two sons of Adam and Eve, Cain murdered his brother out of jealousy. Cain was jealous of his brother because his brother had better offerings to god. Instead of asking god, or Able why his offerings happened to be small and decent. He killed his brother.
Murder is not the same as killing. Murder is a thought out plan to end someone’s life. Killing is someone getting hit by a car, or plane crash. Most states send murderers to jail, if there is enough evidence to prove that they murdered someone, and the jury finds them guilty.
Capital punishment is what the government does to punish prisoners; death row is one of them. Most states have prisoners on death row for years. Texas is one of the few states that really enforce capital punishment. Instead of death row for years they use something call a lethal injection. It’s like putting a dog to sleep. It makes you sleep, and you never wake up.
Murder leads up to taking someone’s life. Suicide is still murder. It’s an attempt to kill yourself. If someone fails suicide, they are put under surveillance, their arms and legs are tied down and anything that can kill them is away from them. When you kill animals, that’s not murder according to the bible, as animals do not have souls.
Murder always starts with a cause and effect, it is simple logic. Something happens, and then, some one gets mad, then some one dies. If a husband and wife are fighting and the husband kills his wife in the process, it is called passionate murder.
There are a few types of murder, there is first degree murder, which is a premeditated plan to ends some one’s life. A second degree murder is during a murder someone else dies in the process. Manslaughter is by your actions someone dies, like a drunk driver. Involuntary manslaughter is when in the process of something, someone dies. Like a teenager dies because he was messing with a saw. Murder usually happens in a relationship, brother, sister, husband, wife, or any relationship.
If someone came into your house and stole every penny you ever made, would you murder them? You would you be so angry to the point you even thought of murder? I wouldn’t.
The reasons for murder are usually jealously, revenge, and materialistic things. Murdering someone is wrong because, according to the bible, it is the act of destroying one of god’s creations. Another reason is because murdering someone takes away their identity, sense of self, and removes their whole life away. They could have discovered a cure for cancer. And their family only thinks of them as a murder victim. They wouldn’t be able to have kids to pass them on through time. If your mother dies she lives through you and your children, and grandchildren.
There are many reasons why murder is wrong, not just because it’s against the law, or wrong. It’s also about the person in the murder, they might never be able to meet future family members or experience moments in life. That’s why I think murder is wrong.

Ok, she did sprinkle some religious bullshit in there (her mother is very religious, I guess it could not be completely avoided). Overall I was impressed because she had obviously done some research and constructed an essay about it. I honestly didn’t think it would be this well constructed (I couldn’t have done it when I was her age, she’s not a teenager yet). What this boils down to is a big thanks to Crasskins’ dad for helping to break the erosion from the human mind. Next I think I’ll have her defend slavery from the South’s point of view leading up to the Civil War (the first one, not the one that’s coming).

What the hell are you trying to say?!?

2006-08-29T04:45:00.000-07:00

My friends and I talk a lot. Usually about a little of everything, yet nothing in particular. Jokes fly, but they usually fall into abstracts and obscure references. Jokes often are simply shocking statements or general gripes about life, work, politics and sex. One particular reference that was passed around quite a bit between Crasskins and I consisted of the word articulate. The joke would go like this... “Yeah, I really think she’s cool but she’s not real good at putting her ideas together in a way that can be expressed verbally.” I would say. Crasskins would reply, “You mean articulate.” Ha ha ha, we would both laugh. Very funny indeed. Yeah, we’re so fucking clever. Using vocabulary as jokes and laughing (while others look at us strangely) thinking what stupid ignorant fucks everyone else is. Ha ha ha, we would laugh some more.

When I’m bored and I don’t feel like writing or reading anything heavy, sometimes I read a dictionary (hey, Christians read their bible, at least this way I learn something) and during one of my recent boredom sessions I came across the word articulate. Reading the definition I was surprised and embarrassed at what I found. Articulate simply means to speak. To use clear distinct words and syllables or having the ability to speak. Articulate has to do with the mechanics of speech and not the less tangible aspects of forming ideas and thoughts into a series of words to express ones self.

Further research uncovered the word coherent. Coherent is a much better (yet underused) word that means logical and consistent speech or the ability to speak clearly and logically while holding together to form a whole. Coherent deals with the abstract mechanics of turning thought into speech. While it can be argued that one is a synonym of the other and that they can be interchangeable (and that whole, language continually evolves, argument). The point I’m trying to illustrate is that sometimes when you think you’re so fucking clever, you are just as ignorant as everyone else. Strong men also cry, Mr. Lebowski, strong men also cry.
Whether articulating in a coherent fashion or not, conversation is one of the primary ways in which humans communicate. Even before we get down to hot monkey love, conversation usually precedes it on some level. Sitting around a bar stool, killing time at work or just plain old internet chatting, it’s all conversation. Hell, the cell phone industry has thrived on it. No matter how often you articulate to your fellow human try to be coherent in expressing what you mean. It helps to have a strong grasp on vocabulary, also.

Meanwhile...

2006-08-15T23:29:00.000-07:00

While being stuck in the middle of writing other blogs (in a very Charlie Kaufman kind of way [the insanity of writers block, not the genius, or lack thereof]) I’ve decided to write, yet another, pointless blog (yes, ok, but more pointless than the other “point” blogs. Okay?) Also, I still have the whole, weird sleep pattern, thing going on. I’ll also pepper the blog with interesting photos to show how cool the internet can be. It does take a long time to check all of those damn tubes though!

First off: I voted today! Always a good thing. Hopefully my votes will eventually count for something and I won’t have to resort to taking my country back.

In the meantime... I concocted a plan (Admittedly it was Crasskins gal-pal that initially made the suggestion [yeah, he’s hetero, who’da guessed]) to begin writing letters to various people within government (both state and federal) urging them to make choices for the betterment of us all and not the betterment of already rich pocketbooks. True, this plan was concocted after watching Who Killed the Electric Car? but hey, better late than never. By Crasskins’s own admission, it can’t make things worse. More details on this once I’ve fleshed it out a bit.

Interesting tidbit... I did note on the Republican side for Nevada U.S. State Senate, John Ensigns’s (I would have loved for him to have lost) only competition was none other than Edward ‘Fast Eddie’ Hamilton. ‘Fast Eddie’? Is that a joke? Even if this guy literally is the best thing since sliced bread, his nickname of ‘Fast Eddie’ would have done him in. Didn’t anyone tell him the nickname ‘Fast Eddie’ is reserved for pool-sharks and other nefarious hustlers? Regardless of most politicians and ALL Republicans being nefarious, they don’t actually advertise it. John Ensign may have laughed his way to another term.

Second: Go to Google right now and type in failure then click the "I’m feeling lucky button". It’s well worth the few seconds it will take. Spread this one around, would ya?

Third: Typing of Charlie Kaufman, Adaptation was far weaker than both Being John Malkovich and Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind. Adaptation was clever in that it made fun of itself for resorting to screenplay formula to finish itself, but only clever.

Lastly: This image of Bush and Cheney actually is very insulting to the gay community, sorry. It’s a great photo though.

P.S. Oh yeah, here are a couple more photos of hot chicks (y’know, just to convince you that I am NOT gay)...

Bi-lingual Canada

2006-08-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

Some interesting perspectives from interviews on the street in canada...

Melabanebdem ib ne laba

2006-08-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

Changing shifts at work really sucks. I can’t sleep right, and I want to lie down all the fucking time. In an effort to fight that (y’know, so that my body will adopt a sleep pattern based off of the times I set for it) I’ve been surfing the internet more that usual. Yeah, I know, you’re thinking, “Santa Vaca! Adam, don't just zone out, keep writing and shit.” Except when I ‘m zoned out (like right now), writing anything meaningful is like explaining the philosophy of our founding fathers to a bunch of authoritarian right-wing neo republicans, in a way that they understand. It’s not gonna happen. So I was perusing T-Shirt Hell.com and I forgot how funny some of their stuff is. Because my sleep is kind of out of whack, I am writing a pointless blog and identifying some of my personal favorites...

Shittles Taste the Asshole!

Rape is no laughing matter. Unless you’re raping a clown.

East Coast Lawn Mowers

Yes, I have plenty of change you homeless piece of shit. Thanks for asking.

You can’t have manslaughter without laughter.

I’d rather be fighting the man.

Go! Local sports team and/or college

I beat cancer! (by cancer I mean children)

How dare I wear this goddamned shirt in front of your fucking kids

Born Against Christian

You Discussed Me

You make my penis soft

I thought I would round this blog up with a few images of really hot chicks...

Dirty Little Secrets! Vol. 1

2006-08-10T17:57:00.000-07:00

Here’s the first in a short blog series I have wanted to start for a while. It’s also a good excuse to get away from the whole Zombie! thing (I have a separate blog for that).

Dirty Little Secrets! Vol. 1

Big Mac and a Large Fires...
Maybe it’s a childhood thing? Maybe it’s an addictive additive that McDonald’s puts in every bite? Maybe it’s just good? Whatever you call it, I have a secret love affair with a Big Mac and Fries. With the exceptions of a few dirty little secrets, I actually eat pretty damn well (y’know; tofu, lean meat, greens, unprocessed foods, relatively small portions) but once a month or so, I get a full blown Big MacAttack! (If you remember that sales pitch from the ‘80’s) Despite that damn Spurlock movie, I gotta have one sometimes and once a month is the compromise. I don’t have the soda (or any soda for that matter, I quit soda all together about two years ago) so I get some points there. As I sit here and write, it’s fair for you to know that as soon as this blog is posted, I’m out the door for my monthly visit to Mickey D’s! Hey, just because I’m divorced from a fast food lifestyle doesn’t mean I don’t get visitation now and again.

New Blog!

2006-08-08T19:00:00.000-07:00

All things Zombies! First blog, a general identification guide based on some of the more common types in movies and fiction. Check it out...

The Dead Walk!

2006-08-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

If you go outside to get the morning paper and this is the headline; it’s too late to make a plan. You’re fucked. But in the interest of repopulating (or at least the act of) I’m here to present a rough outline of what you should do, in case of a world wide zombie outbreak.

Admittedly, this post began as a challenge from Tenacious J, to discuss the strategic strengths of holing up inside a Las Vegas Resort Casino during a World Wide Zombie Outbreak. When exploring that question I quickly realized what a short and meaningless blog that would be. So I lumped it in with other places and simple tactics for survival to create an even longer meaningless blog...

Resort Casino Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Don’t!

You might think, “Hmm, this place has rooms to live, it has food, water and even entertainment.” And all of this would be true. But, these places are also designed for ease of access. The truth is real zombies (commonly called tourists) populate these structures everyday and all day. With all of the doors, halls, offices, cubby holes, dead ends, cat-walks, meandering casino floor, fire escapes and other hidey holes these places would be a death trap (because cinema teaches us that zombies love to hide and wait for a passer-by). If you were lucky enough to secure one, cleaning it out would take years. Not to mention that if you work in one of these places, you realize how depressing they can be.

“But, Adam, I could just hide up in a suite and watch the carnage from afar.” You say defiantly. Ok, what if that carnage lasts for more than a couple of days? Or weeks? What are you going to do about food? How will you know if the water is not contaminated or even if pressure is maintained? What about a clean set of sheets after all of those attempts at repopulating?

Prison Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Prison, initially seem like a fantastic idea! They have food, water, high walls and/or fences, kitchens, rooms, weapons, workshops, a huge yard (for future farming). Wow, it’s like heaven.

Well, ok, but what about the nasty element that already live there? If they aren’t all infested with zombies already. Not to mention, prisons aren’t built for their aesthetic qualities. These places would be depressing because they would remind you (a few of the last remaining humans) that you are being held prisoner by the billions of zombies out there.

Admittedly, though, Alcatraz might be a great spot due to it’s defensibility and view!

Shopping Mall Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Uh, if cinema teaches us anything, it’s that everyone will want a mall and everyone will think it’s the best place to go (even the zombies). STAY AWAY!

High School Defensibility in case of World Wide Zombie Outbreak

Now we’re talking...

Built like a prison but more aesthetically pleasing (complete with kitchens, workshops, yards, etc.) All you have to do is go on a few hunting and foraging runs and potentially you could set up shop for years! (I never said their wasn’t any risk)

Also, you don’t have to worry about anyone wanting to take it from you because everyone hated high school and no one wants to go back (not even the zombies).

“But, Adam! It doesn’t have those high fences and walls like the prison!”

It’s ok, cinema teaches us that zombies can’t climb very well, especially chain link fences.

On to basic tactics...

When zombie hoards are anything but, just walk around them.

When things start to get a bit more congested, it seems to me that the best tactic is to stick and move, as illustrated here by Simon Pegg.

As the plot (and hence the undead population) thicken. You had better find your place and fast. Cinema again teaches us that the more time goes by, the greater the size of the undead horde.

Have a plan and execute that plan. Stay alive and when not fighting undead, copulate furiously and habitually.

To wrap all this up, here is a photo of a real, honest to goodness zombie. No, really.

Lies and Truth

2006-08-03T00:22:00.000-07:00

Lies to show the truth...

Lies to hide the truth...

Remember, remember the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot;
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

Logic Vs. Irrationality

2006-07-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

During a drunken discussion recently, a friend and I debated religion versus atheism. Actually that’s not entirely true, we discussed spirituality versus lack thereof. Being drunk, the argument tended to meander around in various states of clumsiness. My friend, being drunk and an atheist, used logic to argue his points. Myself, being relatively spiritual, and also drunk, stumbled around poorly constructed ideas regarding perception, idea and faith. I don’t remember how it ended up and really, it doesn’t matter. Two days later that friend confessed that he didn’t remember anything of the discussion (although I think he is being polite because his semi-drunken logic was semi-drunken solid vs. my drunken lack of a well constructed argument). I, however, remember many aspects of the discussion. In retrospect I think the discussion, in of itself, is pretty ridiculous. Think about it. Two drunk guys arguing in a bar about something that inherently can’t be argued. Logic versus Irrationality.

First off, I am a believer. Do I believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins? Well, I wouldn’t necessarily go that far. Then again, there are plenty of nuts that live in the modern world that do plenty of wacky things both good and ill. Is it plausible that some guy about two thousand years ago was delusional and justified his upcoming death as an excuse to forgive humans of sin, which in turn, founded a new religion? Absolutely! Hell, people started looking at George Lucas as a new prophet and “The Force” as a new religion, not so long ago and not so far away.

We live everyday with sets of beliefs and perceptions that may or may not be true. From silly things like expecting your car to start to assuming a traffic report is accurate. These beliefs and perceptions are based off of a history of events and expectations of a future. On a personal level, we often don’t have the hard facts of these beliefs. We simply take someone else’s word for it and history bears it out. We also use these small beliefs and perceptions to construct our reality around us. Now, oversimplification aside, religion, spirituality or whatever you want to call it, is a more complex series of beliefs and perceptions based from what we are taught, what we see and how we react (internally or externally) to construct this reality around us.

Logic is the application of a set of rules defined by a physical world, on concepts that we usually have hard facts about. The rules of logic are made up from observation, hard facts and a history of repetition. People use this logic to help them understand the world around them, or, their reality.

The difference is that you can apply logic to many everyday things and bear out hard evidence of why your beliefs are well founded. But this wasn’t always true. We didn’t always know what air was or why we needed it. Science, or more aptly, the progression of applied logic to the natural world, continues to define our beliefs of how things work and why. When we take these things for granted by not really knowing how they work, aren’t we are being irrational?

The only point I am trying to make with all this CRAP, is this... Religion is inherently irrational because of the lack of hard facts. Millions of people, for whatever reason, use religion in a positive way. Many also use it in a negative way. (George and Osama, anyone? Yes, they are the same to me.) They have no real reason for it, they just feel that it is true (whether this feeling came from thousands of years of religious brainwashing, or not, I don’t know). They have faith because they believe yet logically it CANNOT be defined.

My car will start today because I have faith. My faith in my car is logic based because I have lots of facts to support my faith. Logic CAN be applied to this.

I believe that there are many things beyond human understanding (right now) one of which includes an intelligence (or several) beyond our comprehension. Does this mean I think about a god in a white toga and Birkenstocks? No I don’t. Is this belief irrational? Yes, it is. It is mostly based from my observations, my feelings and my speculations about what my reality consists of. Am I delusional? Possibly. After all, I do think the Great Zombie Apocalypse is coming as prophesized by Romero. Objectively, I’d say that’s out there.

My friend also believes that there are many things beyond human understanding (right now) but none of which include an intelligence beyond our comprehension, at least not in a “god” way. His beliefs are based from his observations, his feelings and his speculations about what his reality consists of applied to his logic. Is he delusional? Possibly. He does think Kevin Smith is a humble and ingratiating guy and Bill Maher is a comic genius, after all. I’d say that’s pretty fucking delusional.

Irrationality and logic DO NOT MIX. People will continue to believe what they will believe. Some of it based on logic, some of it not. Most of it, bullshit. All of it is our reality, even if that means 6.5 billion variations of reality.

Of course I have to show an example of seriously delusional fuckheads here...

Unseen World

Beware the Hair! or The Greatest Show on Television!

2006-07-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

Mullets are funny, no doubt, but in a much earlier published article I made reference to the fact that people that wear Mullets must be given some respect because they have an incredibly strong sense of identity and comfort with who they are( or are incredibly self deluded). If not, how could they wear those silly things. Here I present a VERY good reason why you shouldn't make fun of mullets. Not only does Brock Samson's mullet create a sense of individuality, but making fun of his mullet will give him a reason to use his license (pictured above) as he often does, anyway. Not only is he a virtually unkillable, murder machine, but he is an archtype in all other areas. Despite his mullet he is enviable for his pure manliness. No big SUV's here, just an old Charger kept in tip top shape (and also a killing machine). To see more of Brock just watch the Venture Bros. on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim or buy Season 1 out on DVD now. Great Mullet, Great Show!
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If you need more proof, how about this image...

If you need any more coaxing to watch one of the best shows on TV, try these images...

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Hell, after you get past the focus of the image just look at some of the surrounding characters!

Hearts and Flowers!

2006-07-20T00:28:00.000-07:00

Hooray for sugar and spice and everything nice!

A friend received a unique challenge to write his blog about something good like hearts and flowers. I thought it was a pretty interesting challenge so I decided to take it up also. Instead of showing how the manufacturing of construction paper leads to global warming (not to mention deforestation of protected forests, illegally due to the negative side effects of globalization.) Or how the flower industry is just a horrible made up idea that manipulates men and woman by making them think that flowers are actually important somehow (Though admittedly it’s less damaging than the diamond industry, billions of plants are murdered each year!) I decided to approach the challenge in a straight forward way…

Hearts

I remember those paper hearts we all used to have to cut out of construction paper in school. I actually used to really enjoy making them. Something about cutting that simple pattern, with just enough challenge for little hands to feel a sense of accomplishment. Never cared for the pink, and that red paper always seemed too cinnamony colored for me. But the tactile experience was something I’ll always remember.

Here are some photos of other favorite hearts of mine…

Flowers

Delving into my sensitive side, I’ll admit that I have always loved daisies!

My mother loves roses, but I say, ptuh! to that. With all that needless complexity, no way. The daisy was it for me. There was always something appealing about them. The simple white petals evenly radiating outward from a clean yellow center. Reminding me of the sun, yet not so blinding. Clean, simple design and to me, proof of perfection. If I gave a girl daisies, that meant I really loved her, even if she didn't see it that way!

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Anyway, here are some photos of really strange and unusual flowers...

Interesting Image of the Day! Bos'n say, "Fuck you!"

2006-07-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

When you really gotta say, "Hey, man. Fuck You!" Take it from the classical Japanese attitute and do it with grace, dignity and humility. Follow old Bos'n's example and bow slightly followed with a spirited, "Fuck you!"

My Sweet Ride!

2006-07-17T02:43:00.000-07:00

A funny thing about cars…

As I was driving home the other night musing about my buddy Karl’s H3 blog when a Ferrari Modena pulled up along side of me. Well, needless to say, overcompensation rarely gets bigger than a Ferrari. Then I started to think, hmm, how does my car compare to that Ferrari and a H3?

Now it’s important to understand something about my sweet ride. When I bought it I researched it extensively and I had also decided that it would be (if I could help it) the last combustion auto I would buy. Now recent safety alerts aside (all of my recalls pertaining to this particular Nissan were taken care of years before CNN got wind of them) it has proven to be a reliable and rugged little car and I am completely happy with it.

Excuse the pun, now onto the meat of the article…

Ferarri Modena – Price: Approx $150,000 or greater depending on options
MPG 16 Highway 11 city / 400 Hp / 3.6 liter V8 / 0-60 in 4.4 seconds

Hummer H3 – Price: Approx $29,000
MPG 20 Highway 16 city / 220 Hp / 3.5 liter inline 5 / 0-60 in 9.2 seconds

Nissan Sentra – Price: Approx $15,000
MPG 28 Highway 22 city / 126 Hp / 1.8 liter inline 4 / 0-60 in 8 seconds

So here is how my sweet ride stacks up…

Sentra has 31% of the HP of the Ferrari
Sentra has 57% of the HP of the H3

Sentra has 175% of the Highway MPG and 200% of the city MPG of the Ferrari
Sentra has 140% of the Highway MPG and 137% of the city MPG of the H3

Sentra has 55% of the acceleration of the Ferrari
Sentra has 115% of the acceleration of the H3

Sentra costs 90% less the the Ferrari
Sentra costs 49% less the the H3

So if I read these stats correctly in order to feel like a man and go twice as fast as I am in my Sentra and use almost twice as much gas, it will cost me 10 times as much for the Ferrari! Are they fucking nuts!

How's that for the law of diminishing returns.

And if I want to complete my homo-erogenous sense of penis envy by purchasing the H3 I’ll still use a third more gas, actually go slower and pay almost twice as much! What the fuck is going on here?

And as a final note, how many sports cars or manly trucks do you see on the road from ten years ago? How many sensible and economical cars do you see on the road from ten years ago? Well, some of the trucks are still around but if there are any sports cars like this around they are stored in Ferris’s buddy Cameron’s dad’s garage. But you still see many of those old Saturns, Toyotas, Nissans, Hondas, Fords and such trucking along. Getting people to and fro and taking care of business. With that said, I think the rest is pretty fucking obvious. Be a man and don’t react to advertising propaganda telling you what you should drive. Look at the facts, research the truth and act.

Dark musings...

2006-07-06T19:36:00.000-07:00

I fall into a maelstrom of rage. Anger frustration and bitterness fill my being. Every victory is taken away, even the little ones. Everyday grows dimmer, the darkness encroaching upon me. Nothing works right, nothing is sure. My soul is falling through an endless void. I fail myself at every turn. Infantile anger is all I know as nothing works and everything seems against me. I am unable to take pleasure even in small little things. No happiness is found and truth slips away. What I think I know seems to be wrong as a mirror image twisted, as if in a funhouse. I never laugh anymore, I never cry anymore. Is there nothing for me? I don’t know where to go and I don’t know how to start, the road is lost to me. I am alone in a dark desert and I can’t find my way, no moon nor stars to help. Friends care but even they appear as mannequins trapped behind plate glass windows inside an empty store. Frozen with their concerned smiles I don’t know how to reach to them. The way is shut, the path grows dark and I can not pass. Every day I feel myself slip a little more, unwilling to create the fantasy that most use to remain afloat. I have no home, I have no heart, my soul is lost. When does this end? I can’t find my way but who can help? When does this end? The emptiness is inside me, except for the rage. Why have I been left like this, is it my own doing? How do I fix it? I don’t like the manual everyone else is using, they blindfold themselves for a days contentment. That’s not for me, but it seems nothing is. I am an anachronism and a misanthrope. I will die off because Darwin was right. When does this end? Is there nothing for me?